Blast From The Past: Daws Road

Have done my marking for one subject but yet to finish for another, the more challenging graduate course. So still not out of the woods yet despite my earlier thought that I would have time for myself by now. I was further constrained by my back pain. Every now and then, I have to lie on my back and twist my body to relieve the pain. Yesterday was pretty bad and I took pain killers. So, my struggle day to day. On the better days, I just need to maintain good posture and avoid straining my back in things that I do.

Yesterday, I got a nice surprise that my brother Nasaruddin shared an old document stored, I guess, in one of my late father's files. It was a school document telling us to get prepared for a medical examination for seven of us from SMSPP to go to Australia. The letter was dated 8 December 1979 and signed by the School Principal Mohd Arif. I remember vaguely having mixed feelings about this. After five years in boarding school, I will be away from my parents again for a couple of years in Adelaide, Australia. The only comfort was that there was another school mate, Shaiful Azman, assigned to the same place Adelaide. My step sister, Zaizah went to Perth. We attended Matriculation Course in high schools there. I was in Daws Road High School (now called Pasadena High) while Shaiful was in Norwood High.

My school mates over there in Daws Road are Suhaizan, Hamlussalam (housemates), Sabariah, Noormala and Salamah. Here's a picture of us arriving at Adelaide airport (me, not visible in the first photo - pics courtesy of Noormala).

A week after our arrival (I think), we were sent to an orientation camp in Clarendon. I remembered vaguely I just followed along particularly with our seniors who were there too (see pic). In a way, I had a bit of cultural shock then, like a fish out of water (rusa masuk kampung), particularly with my shy personality.

For matriculation, I remember chemistry and physics were relatively easier compared to mathematics since we had covered some of them for MCE (the last batch). Mathematics, we had to struggle a bit with regular homework sets given by our teacher Mr. Hilditch. Here is a picture of our class (can't remember what it is called).

I'm not sure about the others, I did not mix that well out of shyness. I do remember that my housemates were doing better. I remember Salam invited Tasso (an Australian Greek) to our home for Hari Raya and another Chinese whom I can't remember the name (see pic below - Salam just told me he is Eric but still can't place him). Our matriculation is pretty much hard life. Our scholarship quantum was small, and most of it went to the house rent. I remembered once there was this announcement made in the media that made us just about the poverty level in Australia. I also remembered once I used copper coins (one and two cents) to pay for our bus fare and got scolded by the bus driver cum conductor (see pic below, me with Shaiful at a bus stop). I kept my hair long partly due to money shortage.

During the school holidays, I remembered somebody (a Malay staying in Australia) hired us to pick garbage from some gardening or construction work at some place. I was then told not to come back the next day but housemates went on. Felt so humiliated then but I can't say much, perhaps being little, I was not performing as well as my house mates. So now, I can 'proudly' say that I'm not even good enough to be a garbage collector. Those were the hard times. Later, when we were doing Bachelors degree in University of Adelaide, I think they raised our scholarship allowances but still much of it was spent on rent. Will need another post to talk about the B,Sc. years. The pic below is me with Dato' Suhaizan (Che' Jan we called him then) in our backyard.

Despite the hard times, I certainly value the things we have learned and experienced. Particularly this period, first time abroad.

Writing It Good

Much of the weekend is spent on looking at the various students' scripts from the Assignments and Final Exams. I also spend time on writing back the solutions for the final exams in detail as we are asked to update our teaching files for auditing purposes. Some of these solutions are pretty much in my head or scribbled somewhere in loose sheets of paper written while I was preparing the exam questions. However I would like to put them neatly so that it can be referenced to later by the department or even by my own self (in such a way that I don't have to think about them twice). Here is an example.

Some might find this silly or time-wasting but I have been practicing this for a long time that it becomes a habit. It does indeed slows me down but I find it satisfying to see these solutions done neatly. In fact, if I have the time, I would have actually typed it out but I don't have the luxury at this stage.

To a certain degree, I tend to be perfectionist in my writing. Brooding much of the ideas before even writing anything down. The end results are usually good on average. I remember when I submitted my PhD thesis, the examiners (Chris Isham and David Fairlie) made the remark that my thesis was probably one of the few thesis written by an international student with very few mistakes. There were mistakes, of course, and I can remember them pointing out one as a classic one (I'm afraid I can't remember what it is now). Even as non-significant as my blog posts, I do tend to brood for a certain period before writing them down. So the blog posts that you see are not that spontaneous but of course I am less careful with blogs than say writing an official document. I would often revisit my blog posts to make corrections when I have time.

Perhaps because of this habit, I tend to be hard on my students when they write their papers or thesis. I remember when I wrote my first paper and send it to my supervisor (Richard Ward) to check, it came back almost everything in red. Now the practice of trying to be perfect makes even good sense when writing reports and minutes. Early in my career, I remember trying to correct how minutes of meeting being written but I was passed off being too pedantic and was getting on the nerves of someone senior. But now, I've seen how upper management members scrutinise write-ups made by Faculty members to the extent it somehow instill fear for those preparing it. When I first write a working paper for trying to bring international guests (prize winners) to UPM, they just dismissed it off as being sloppy. Of course, they did come in the end (after some wrestles and pushes). I was simply not trained then on how to write the working paper in a way that they wanted. After a while, I saw the pattern of documents they wanted; it is almost like preparing legal documents, which is fine generally (but I do feel content is much more valuable than the writing style and format). I also see the need of balance of producing good quality documents against time invested in producing them particularly if it only gets filed away for eternity.

Lately, I do sense some decline in the standards of writing from some documents that I have looked into; thesis, papers, proposals and even minutes of meeting. Is it due to all these messaging styles found in social media or people simply do not have the time to check their own writings? Sensing a degree of importance in these write-ups, before leaving the institute, I did ask my staff to try and follow the style of minutes written by the upper management for the institute's own good. With respect to scientific writings, I do expect lucid and straightforward writing styles from my students; not being too artistic or informal as it was a script in the Hollywood movies. When it comes to text with mathematical equations, I have always told my students that equations are to be treated as parts of sentences. The best way to know, is to read out the equations when incorporating them in the text and see whether it makes sense or not.

It does take practice to develop a good writing style. I learned a lot from reading books like Sir Ernest Gowers, "The Complete Plain Words" and Day & Gastel's "How to Write and Publish A Scientific Paper" (bought when I was still studying and bought the second time when I lost them). When I returned home and got involved with Publications Committee in ITMA and later in INSPEM, I bought books like the Chicago Manual and the CBE Manual. Finally I told my own students, do be careful on what you write as once it is published, it will be read by many and it will bear your name forever.

Thank God It's Friday

Thank God it's the weekend. Usually weekends give breathing space for us. Nevertheless, we still do work but at a more relaxed pace. Work of academics do not end with the end of office hours - they tend to think about science and education all day. In my case, I tend to work in the wee hours of the morning for me to focus better. The trick however is to get the balance of enough rest in order to drive to work safely.

Yesterday, was the final exam for PHY5601 Advanced Mathematical Physics. It was conducted as a take home exam where they can refer to any materials available. The only problem is how to ensure that they do not communicate with each other regarding the answers of the exam. But I trust my own students. Also, with the few number of students, one can easily check for any similarities. Perhaps next semester will be trickier, with a class of 40 for statistical mechanics; the size of the other class on Mathematical Methods is not yet known. I doubt we will be able to get back to normalcy within this year.

Being a Friday yesterday, I thought to myself that perhaps I won't be praying at the UPM mosque as I have not received any notification. Since I can't work from home anymore, I did not register myself for Seremban 2 mosque. Then suddenly I saw a list of names on FB that included my name. It was a nice surprise and luckily I brought my 'Friday prayer bag'. Then suddenly I paused, thinking there is another person in UPM with exactly the same name. Later at the mosque after checking with their master list (before entering the mosque), it was really me. I went very early to the mosque because I do not know what procedures they are implementing. Initially I parked my car nearby the student centre but over there all the entrances to the mosque are all locked. So one has to go through the main entrance and park within the mosque area. Luckily I was very early, there were empty parking spaces nearby the main entrance. So yesterday I had the opportunity to sit at the first few rows in the mosque but that also meant we were the last to leave as the mosque personnel control the movement of the congregation after the prayers. It was good work by them. Perhaps I will try again next week for Friday prayers in UPM, just to see whether they take into account who was in the previous Friday congregation or not.

Besides the exam and Friday prayers, I also met with two of my PhD students for their research progress. One physically, as he is a staff of UPM and the other virtually. I hope they are able to graduate soon within this year.

The other significant event yesterday was the return of Sally to her original owner as she missed Sally a lot, I was told. Here are some pics taken much earlier (with Bob's book nearby on my pile of papers) when I was told that she was to be returned.

I had grown closer to Sally for the last few months very much like Shaggy (who was her mum). So it is quite sad for me to see her go. I took a pic of her before I go to work.

I was not getting enough sleep the last few days during the week. In fact I was so sleepy during the drive back home and was trying hard not to micro sleep. There was one moment that I almost did but was conscious enough not to swerve. This is actually one of my reasons why that I had considered working from home as a good option for me - avoiding the long travel. I safely arrived home around 6.40pm. So, last night, I made sure I had a good sleep.

Minority Effort: Teaching Lesser Known Mathematical Physics

I have posted less and less in social media because I find many posts to be distracting, intrusive and sometimes annoying. Most posts are opinions that tend not to matter. So I'm taking lessons from these. I am limiting my posts there for information that are probably more useful to my group and friends and are also of immediate interest. If I post here, there is a high chance that it will not get read. The posts here are really for those who are really interested in what I personally think. If not, they won't probably reach here.

The last few days have been busy preparing solutions to mathematical physics problems that might help the students for their final. Since the course is an advanced course for graduates and most books do not have solutions to the problems in the books, I have to work them out on my own. Some of which I fumble as my students discovered (of course, rectifiable). One can try to search solutions online (if they are there) but even so, one still need to internalise them to one's own thought patterns. Otherwise, one would be parroting - have experienced these in my early teaching days and one felt dreadful.

When I first started planning for this course, I was discussing with Dr. Nurisya on what one should teach because one can approach mathematical physics in zillion of ways. One thing clear in my mind, was not to repeat much of what was taught in undergraduate mathematical physics. I have taught the subject twice (I think) years ago in two different styles - computational mode using Mathematica (one student made the remark right to my face, it was a waste of time), and another calculational mode involving non-theoretical students that had me repeat some undergraduate stuff (finally was given to a different lecturer). This time, I had the opportunity to start afresh with the students attending are theoretical students. The book adopted was Szekeres' book. Peter Szekeres was my lecturer in Adelaide, teaching relativity and differential geometry. The book started off with set theory all the way up putting more structures. 

The book had 19 chapters altogether. Of course, I could not teach the whole book in one single semester - it needs at least, two semesters. So, one needs to pick and choose. Dr. Nurisya wanted me to delve into Lie Groups ad Geometry. Nice idea and was hoping to do so. But the relevant chapters in Szekeres' book are Chapters 15-19, right at the end of the book. I had to improvise. I thought that I should teach relatively unfamiliar topics like throwing in logic with set theory, delve more into rings, integral domains and fields, take a swing at algebraic numbers and quadratic extensions, introducing less familiar language of rings and modules instead of vector spaces. The second last one, was something that I stumbled into when doing quantum theory on hyperbolic surfaces and more recently theoretical computer science and cryptography. Alas, I did not get into differential geometry; it was already too much. There was a cursory glance on Lie groups during topics of groups and algebras. So, it was not perfect. I offered myself to the students to teach (unofficially) further Lie groups and Lie algebras using William Goldman's lecture notes that ties up nicely with differential geometry (including hyperbolic geometry). Not sure whether they want it or not.

All the efforts above would not be visible for my annual assessment. No marks or recognition goes to the hard work of understanding and lecturing a difficult subject. No marks or recognition goes to unofficial teaching. Do I care? Well, no and yes. No, since my intent is to teach everything I know before I leave. Yes, if people start making a fuss over me being busy with 'unofficial' things that does not 'benefit' the department.

Here is something I felt all these years.

Credit to Duncan Sabien FB post from where I pinched this pic.

Monday Leave

Yesterday I took leave, initially because Ihsan was still with us at home and I just felt I need to spent more time with the whole family. It was also the final day of Tashriq and a school holiday. However, it turns out that my earlier back pain had prolonged and I spent most of the time in bed trying to relieve the pain. Sometimes I worry if someone thinks I'm faking it. Thus let me describe what I feel. On most days, I always have this sore around my right hip and my right leg slightly weakened. I can actually test it by how well my feet grip the slippers I'm wearing. In a bad episode, the soreness grew intense into pain to an extent I may feel pain even as I walk. The pain also goes down through my leg to the calf. Occasionally, I can feel sharp pain in the hips and the calf. In such period, I would normally ask from my other half for pain killers. Some pain killers have the drowsy effect on me and I will spent the day mostly resting. Sincerely, I would prefer to do work (particular at this time) rather than rest since too much rest has this lethargic effect.

By end of the day before my son leaves for work (night shift), we went out for early dinner before Maghrib (see pic).

Unfortunately, the service was poorer than usual, ended up me sharing the food with my other half. The rest of the evening was me trying to do some work mostly unsuccessfully.

Eidul Adha Weekend

My second son Ihsan was on duty during the Eidul-Adha Friday but he came back home on the Saturday night to be with us during the weekend. So we had the full family for this weekend until Monday late afternoon after which he will return back to work. So that Saturday night, we went out for dinner and we had fun. Here's a pic of ourselves comparing beard.

He was surprised that I had kept my moustache and beard when he saw me. It was just over a week old. I kept it mainly to remind me how old I am with white hair in my moustache and beard.

Earlier that morning, my other half went to her sister's place in Keramat with eldest Khair and youngest Izzuddin. I stayed home with my third son Izhar. I had many unfinished work to do but most of that day and today, I was reading MQA Programme Standards, a 115 page document in order for me to finish a report. With all due respect to those contributing to the document (which had a panel working on it and I guess they spent many man-hours producing the document), I must say that it is a chore for me to read the wordy document. I tend to skim most parts of the document particularly when I get the gist of what they are saying and paid attention to the information that I needed to use. Probably those who do research in education will enjoy the document better. In a way, I tend to read many management and self-help books in the same way, focusing on parts which are really relevant to me. I have better attention span when I read more technical books, with statements tend to be more strictly defined and more controlled use of imagination in the abstraction. I finally completed the report just this morning after which I took some time off to rest and to ease the back pain.

For tonight, we had a quiet dinner at home as my other half prepared curry mee with some new recipe she had. Tasty.

I have also received a surprise email tonight from a student of Ted Jacobson regarding the work of my first PhD student, Ahmed Bouketir. I guess there is interest in what we do here locally, after all.

Eid-ul-Adha 1441 and the Struggle

Yesterday we celebrated Eidul Adha, the 'Eid of Sacrifices (wanted to use 'sacrifice' as part of the title of this post but it's just too big and hence the use of struggle). We went to 'Eid prayers without breakfast (as opposed to Eidul Fithri) at Masjid Hussein nearby City Park, Seremban 2 (see pics).

Because of the adherence to SOPs, we had to be there early. The 'Eid was also on Friday for which we were back there by noon and this time we were surprised to be able to secure our place in the main hall. Somehow all the long seating there had me fidgeting as my back pain reappears. Back from the mosque, my other half had planned for some 'Eid visits to her sister's place and to my brother's place. Before the visit, had to go to the pharmacy, to buy some synflex tablets to help reduce the pain. Our 'Eid celebration was pretty modest but yet with good food on the table. My mind however was probably focused on my pain and of course all the unfinished work. By the time we got home, I was too exhausted and slept.

As I mentioned above, the 'Eid commemorates the sacrifices made by Prophets Ibrahim a.s. and Ismail a.s. Often we thought that we have done plenty of sacrifices but some of these should be revised as the Friday sermon reminded me. Sacrifice as understood, is letting go the things we value greatly for the benefits of others. Most of the time, we felt we struggle but it is for the eventual sake of our greater convenience. There are grey areas that we have to be aware of, a thing I have learned in my years as an administrator. I have seen others 'complaining' that they had made 'sacrifices' but were responding to their needs of greater convenience. I'm saying this, not to belittle anyone but I saw this in myself too. What was really there, was our struggle to feel self-worthy and the feeling of the need to improve. These are often prompted by criticisms by others. Very uncomfortable feelings.

Last Monday, I considered very seriously about early retirement because I'm physically and mentally tired. But as I asked my former PA over the institute, the process will take a year and when I calculated the possible date of early retirement, it would be slightly more than a year before the official retirement date. Then I hesitated but yet the thought lingers. These thoughts have been there lingering since a few years ago much prompted by difficulties in the working environment. I have been on the receiving end of harsh criticisms that only led me to the self-defense of my self-worthiness. Some of these words will forever be imprinted in my memories as they hurt me deeply. I can only find solace in my prayers as I struggle to realise what I want to see of myself when I leave. Indeed there are many things that I wanted to do in my line of work that are left unrealised. The only thing that I thought I have, to a certain degree, achieved is to establish a theoretical physics group. If there is a next thing I want to do is to ensure its sustainability and perhaps more ambitiously is that we are indeed internationally known for certain areas of work. Then only we can say we are respectably 'equals' internationally (even if not locally).

As I wrote somewhere that people celebrate achievements because of the benefits that come with them but very few celebrate the struggles that often built our character and tradition. I sincerely hope more of those in power will be in the latter. For now, we have to be extremely patient in what we do.

Old and New Norms

There are old norms and new norms but some norms are just equivalent, I posted somewhere. The new norms are mostly about social distancing (more accurately physical distancing) to prevent spread of Covid-19, which includes avoiding crowded places. At some stage this involves working from home when Movement Control Order (MCO) was in place. Presently, we are still in the Recovery Movement Control Order (RMCO) phase when certain economic sectors have been reopened. The educational sector (schools) has only reopened in phases very recently. My youngest has gone to school for about a month now waiting for his major public exam. For higher educational institutions, the last thing I've heard is that our teaching will still be conducted online until the end of year. There was an announcement that the universities might be reopened in October but no specific details yet.

For us 'workers', we have been asked to return to work in campus since 15 June. However, flexibility of working from home was given to the following:

• Those who have children below the age of 12 and disabled children that need to be looked after until all schools and childcare centres are reopened.
• Those who have health problems or chronic diseases that are considered to have high risk for Covid-19 infection certified by doctors.
• Specific cases as allowed by the head of department taking into account of job importance and safety.

I did apply for working from home (WFH) and have informed the Head of Department. There were verbal agreements that I can WFH provided I produce teaching modules. These teaching modules are extraneous matters on top of our existing duties and they actually take some time to do. I did give the teaching modules together with a weekly report in the beginning. As I had more tasks to do, I thought I should focus more on the urgent matters (particularly those involving students) and delayed my work on the teaching modules. Perhaps that was a mistake. Anyway, I was hoping that such new norms like working from home could be a new culture that organizations in Malaysia can start to adopt (requiring trust) as it makes more economic and environmental sense. For instance, once I invited Jiro Soda from Kobe University for EQuaLS4 and he mentioned that his university prefers their academics to work from home whenever possible as part of energy-savings strategy of the university. So I was putting high hopes for such flexibility in our workplace but I am mistaken. I will begin working in campus fully next week, which is no problem for me (will save on electricity bill too). My only worry is Friday since our mosques are not operating at full capacity due to social distancing measures. With the large pool of workers in the university and the surrounding community, I suspect that there will be difficulty in getting a place for Friday prayers (I remembered enquiring others where do we apply for this but there was slow response). This coming Friday is still okay since it is a public holiday but what about those Fridays after the Eid Friday. I hope some decision makers will put some thoughts into this. 

Anyway, I'm posting this because I wanted to point out that last Friday I was working from home and my visit to the workshop in Malacca was made known to the Head of Department. In fact, I did ask whether I should ask for leave to do this. So, it's not like I'm playing truancy and avoiding work (just in case some wondered why I was not 'working'). In fact that morning, I had a PhD student online appointment to discuss research progress (see pics below) and also was reading a MSc thesis draft.

I prayed Friday prayers last Friday at Masjid Hussain in Seremban 2 (see pic - during which I received a bunch of messages regarding work) and due to the SOP, we had to be early there.

Before that, I discussed with my other half on the worsening brake problems of my Malibu car. The local workshop can't fix it due to the sensors on the brakes and finally we made the appointment with an authorised workshop in Malacca to which we went to after the Friday prayers. We had to leave the car there as fixing the brakes require a longer time. It was only the next day that we could pick up the car. It costs me quite a bit and probably put some tight constraint on this month's budget. 

So back to old norm next week. I hope those in the management don't get the impression I'm the type of person that avoids work (of course I do however prefer certain types of work which relate directly to  my expertise). I'm very passionate of making theoretical physics a respectable discipline to action in our university (and no, I'm not looking for recognition - have been pursuing this since I came back from my PhD). My work from home request is much due to travelling to and fro to work from Seremban has indeed caused physical stress on my body and would prefer to use the travel time (which is roughly two hours) for something more useful and if I decided to work long hours during the night, it won't put me to unnecessary risk during my travel. In addition, I have brought all my books and papers home and by working from home, I will avoid bringing a lot of stuff to and fro. Well working I guess should not be to my own convenience and henceforth should not be for anyone's convenience. We all must suffer, right?

Sad and Bad Day

I return to blog here simply to express my views even if they are not listened to but that is fine. It goes to those who wish to understand me.

Yesterday we had our old cat Shaggy leaving us for good. She had been suffering from cancer with liver and kidney failures for a long time. In a way, I was glad that her suffering has now stopped. This cat had somewhat affected me more than usual that I run away yesterday from my family to shed some tears. When she was well, she was always in our room and slept there for the night. When I am praying, she usually come to my side and be with me. When her sickness got serious, I can't help admire how she fought it, trying to be alive, following us whenever she can but she will be avoiding us when she rests. At some point, when she spat out blood, I was thinking in my mind that she won't last long, but she kept being with us even months after that. How strong she was. The pic below is Shaggy with my other half during the time when she was still healthy.

Yesterday afternoon, we were at a workshop after Friday prayers. As soon as we came back, my other half noticed that she had already passed away. The picture below is taken by my son before we buried her in our backyard after Maghrib.

It will remind me of my own forthcoming death. She will be missed.

Yesterday was also a bad day for me. I was struggling with my duties but yet others seem to be not satisfied with my work thus far. Received messages while I was in a mosque reminding me of some unfinished work. At the same time, I was facing problems with my car brakes that I can no longer ignore and had decided to send it to an authorised workshop in Malacca (the nearest to our home in Seremban); the local workshop can't do the repair because the brakes have sensors. Even at the workshop, I was still reminded by others of some duties that I need to do. What a day it was. I left my car at the workshop and asked my son to pick us up.

I have been in administrative position before and I get it with respect to getting others to work and follow rules. I know the feeling of trying to help others but then getting our hands bitten. I know the need to be fair to all when we make decisions. But I also know the hurt it can bring and now I am on the receiving party. Despite all the above, my concern is always whether this is all fair. Sometimes we see others being treated differently and one just felt hurt. All these hurts leave scars for me to remember but I will wear them with dignity. I will go on with life as usual hoping to contribute wherever I can, particularly for science in the country.

Looking for brighter days ahead.

Next Half Semester Begins June 2020

Few days ago (on May 27), the Ministry of Higher Education announced that all university classes should be conducted online until 31 December 2020 (see picture below). In some sense, this is to be expected; we have already made online classes just before the MCO in early March and also throughout MCO. The only problem is those classes involving laboratories and laboratory research activities. For these, the same announcement mentioned that it will be allowed in stages as follows:

• Postgraduate students are allowed to return to campus immediately enabling them to continue with their research without delay.
• Final year B.Sc. students whose projects involve laboratory research, will be allowed to return to campus on July 1, 2020. This is also extended to those final year students (irrespective whether they are involved with laboratory research or not) who are having difficulties with accessing the internet at home.
• For completeness, another category are students in polytechnical & community colleges; they are allowed to return to campus on August 1, 2020.

For my own students of theoretical physics, they are not quite included in the categories above since they do not have experiments to run. When asked, most of them have agreed to work from home. To ensure regular interactions, we have our regular QuEST meeting and I have already started supervisory committee meetings with students, hopefully once in a fortnight for each student. Here are pics from my presentation in the last QuEST meeting.

Here's one from supervisory committee meting for my PhD student Faudzi:

From the announcement made by the Ministry of Security and Defence, those commuters from say  Seremban, will be able to cross the state borders to get to their workplace in Selangor, beginning tomorrow. However, I will still continue to work from home tomorrow unless instructed otherwise. Note that the MCO period is until 9 June. Have been told that those who want to be in the campus tomorrow, need to register earlier, which I have not. Was informed that at the main gate, we need to do scan the QR code to register/check on our presence and even for the buildings, entrance is through the main doors. I will try to go to the campus on the week of 10 June just to return library books and get my books home from the office. Was told that the staff presence will be in groups by rotation. Not yet sure how this work yet, whether we will need to be there the full working hour. Virtual classes will resume next week. Even if we are in campus, no physical classes is allowed. We have been told that we need to punch in even if working from home by 15 June but we can start doing so by tomorrow.

Whatever it is, I hope this transition to the new norm will be smooth and not be troublesome. For me, I do prefer to work at home given that my home is a distant away (in Seremban) and thus I do not need to spend time travelling (around 40-45 minutes one way with regular traffic). I also like the flexibility of shifting my tasks around (which I can't do in normal circumstances) but yet maintaining the discipline to do usual work. The only thing that I see as disadvantages are the increase in electricity bill at home in this period and of course the absence of physical interactions. Also, I still worry what to do with EQuaLS 2020 that we postpone/cancel previously. Any ideas, how to proceed with this?

Eid-ul Fithri 1441

'Eid-ul Fithri was celebrated by Muslims on May 24, 2020. This year's 'Eid was celebrated differently due to Covid-19 crisis. In Malaysia, 'Eid fell within the extended MCO period. There have been relaxed conditions for essential business and activities to move. Some form of relaxation is also given to the celebration of 'Eid. People are allowed to visit relatives and friends within the same state but interstate travel are still not allowed apart from essential activities. Even the allowed visits are to be done within a day (as it should - unlike the usual 'Eid month of celebration) and other constraints are put in place. At any one time, there should not be any more than twenty people in the home being visited and social distancing restrictions apply (no salam or hugs).

Our 'Eid began with the breaking of fast together with rendang, nasi himpit and kuah kacang. That night, of course, our mobile phones were busy with virtual 'Eid greetings. We made ours earlier, anticipating the massive online traffic.

The picture in this virtual 'Eid greeting was from last year's 'Eid. This year, we will be celebrating without our second son Ihsan as he is working in Pulau Indah, Selangor (a different state). In fact, he was to be on duty on the day of 'Eid itslef plus several days after as his workmates are mostly from Selangor and they will be spending 'Eid with their families.

Our day of 'Eid began with the family congregational 'Eid prayers in the morning, all dressed up for a photo session thereafter.

One of my brother-in-law is staying in Seremban and we decided to visit soon after. Here are some pics:

After the visit, our 'Eid is pretty much uneventful. My other half and her family members expressed their sadness over their mobile as they are very close to each other. For the family on my side, we already had our 'Eid greetings earlier. A highlight was this video (hope they don't mind me sharing this) send to the family group. It is Geng Wak Long performing with a famous local singer Jamal Abdillah. From the video, I saw my immediate elder brother (the guitarist) has grown a beard. Must say, I do miss them.

End of Ramadhan 1441

We are near the end of Ramadhan 1441. We are also in the fourth installment of the MCO which had the period extended for four weeks (instead of the usual two weeks) which will end on June 9. This goes well beyond Eid for about two weeks. Earlier I guessed that they will extend just a week after 'Eid, simply to avoid the huge exodus to kampung or hometown. Perhaps making it to two weeks after 'Eid will make the exodus less likely. Apparently not. The pic below is late night yesterday.

Source: unknown - from social media

Anyway, I'm less worried about the Covid-19 pandemic now but am more concerned on what kind of life we will be living in (at least) the few years to come. I remember just before the MCO started and people started to be very concerned on the outbreak, I listened to Brandon Ogbunu's talk at Perimeter Institute (PI), trying to understand more about the virus and the disease. I even wrote to him asking him about the extra resources beyond his talk and he did reply but did not get the resources mentioned as he assumed that I had access to them through the PI inner circle (which of course I'm not). I read his Wired article about Carpetbaggers and reflected upon my own self. My intent, of course, was simply to know more about Covid-19 and hopefully will explain to others (locally) in case they need the information. In reality, people still do not know much about the disease and that article however made me reflect more beyond the Covid-19 issue and what we are claiming of ourselves. Sometimes we need to be clear about this, particularly in this holy month of Ramadhan when we are supposed to reflect more on our lives.

When I decided to become a (theoretical) physicist after high school, I consider myself as an average student and I don't have any big dreams. I was not the top five students in the school (but was probably around top ten, I guess) and I never thought too much about the status though there is a sense of competition to be good. When I was in Adelaide, the feeling is very much the same but with huge classes, one felt just being a nobody. As one gets closer to the final year, when the classes got smaller, I found myself doing better despite that my mentality have always been shaped-stereotyped as one of poor performers. I tend to rebel against this stereotyping. When I further my studies in Cambridge and later in Durham, I see a lot more intelligent people around and the feeling of being average sank in again, but of course I never gave up and did what I could, completed my studies (and it is not with ease).

Joining the academia, I really had the wish of establishing a theoretical physics group but considered various options of research areas and see what works. Found myself working alone mostly since not many here are interested in what I do. To salvage the situation, I started to take up more postgraduate students (perhaps too many). This slowly builds a community of theorists in UPM. Started to call in international experts to help us out and to help us explore new directions. My view then is that we must elevate our thinking up to the level of these experts. To some, we might not be ready enough to do this but we have managed to get international experts know us and some of them visited us a few times. What I felt is that we need more conditioning of our thinking cum research at a respectable level for international experts to notice us. This course of action sometimes get questioned by others; what are so-called return of investment. In my mind, was simply just getting the culture into place (not forced collaboration); the rest, all the work, we have to do them ourselves. Currently with the Covid-19, our internationalization efforts will get more difficult with travels are being made limited. Furthermore, we find more international staff are leaving us to  go to other places.

Over the years, things have indeed gotten more difficult as KPIs are set without taking into consideration the technical fields we are doing, mostly shied away by others. Have been classed as non-performers and sometimes suffered insults and smeared campaigns, some of which probably affect our livelihood. I get to the point of hating the word 'smart-working', when in reality, what it means is just gaming the system. After awhile, I do sense I'm not really wanted in that position despite efforts of fitting in. The last few years have been humbling indeed. Deep within me, I understand the thing is not about our egos but putting progress into the community which may take several different paths according to one's own understanding. That's why I finally left with the thought of not wanting to carry the baggage of unpleasant memories with me. In a way, I purposely cut myself off so that I can simply focus on moving ahead (so please forgive me if this looks bad to you). I have only about two years ahead of me before I retire and thus would prefer a meaningful ending. I will continue to move forward with our sizable theory group that I'm with, irrespective of what others think, but these humbling lessons will be in my thoughts forever (not grudges) to remind me to be cautious in life. My prayers in these final moments of Ramadhan is that we can create something meaningful, not to please people, but to make sure that what we do help us progress in theoretical and quantum sciences and hopefully will be counted (at least) as good deeds for our afterlife. 

For the critics, please be kind; your actions actually do affect others. Here's an article: https://www.technologynetworks.com/neuroscience/news/a-lifetime-of-adversity-dampens-the-brains-dopamine-production-327178

Mid-Ramadhan 1441

We have reached mid-Ramadhan and now entering its second-half. We are still under MCO but conditions are now relaxed to allow the economic sector to slowly pick-up. There is a little worry that we might see another wave of Covid-19 infections but so far the number of infection is still well within the two-digit range (there was a slight jump to three-digit but it was around 100-ish). Let us hope that it will be on the decreasing trend and that Malaysians be on their alert and not let the disease spread.

On the personal front, fatigue seems to set in earlier this Ramadhan perhaps due to being at home with lesser activities. We are still working but perhaps at a more relaxed phase. So far, we have already had twice departmental meetings (see pics).

The first pic was on 16 April where we had our Dean attending as well and the second pic was on last Monday, 4 May. Over the MCO period, we had to submit several reports too. I'm making this known so that people get to know we are not just lazing around, sitting idle, while we are 'working from home'.

We had also started our QuEST meetings. Initially just to test the group video chat on FB Messenger (on April 26 - see pic below). I also made a presentation last Tuesday, 5 May on my reading of noncommutative geometry (it was supposed to be on Monday but then we had the departmental meeting). It seems that the FB messenger group chat that we had, have some limitations. So we finally decided to move Google Meet while it is free. Google Meet is part of G-Suite which is not free. Whether I should consider this suite depends on what I want to do when I reached retirement - have to be careful on the extra expenses that I'm committing myself with. I would love to be part of some independent scientific community (particularly with my present colleagues and students) even after I retire.

For my own classes, due to the smaller number, I have mostly limit myself to whatsapp and going online when necessary (especially when there are questions). My notes are mostly on the web - for PHY4503 it's in PutraBlast while for PHY5601 it's on my KetchupSpills blog. I have also put up some of my video lectures on my YouTube channel (only for undergraduate lectures). I only emphasize the main points of my notes in the video; nothing can beat the interactive face-to-face lectures (which I leave this to my live online chats). For my graduate lectures, I've started using Google Meet (last Wednesday for the live session). One downside is that when I share screen with the students, I would not be able to see my students - makes me feel like I'm talking to my own computer screen - that seems common to all platforms that I've seen. Here is a capture of that session.

The other thing that I've done during the MCO period is to update my Acu Frekuensi blog, writing about quantum technology, making ourselves ready for a forthcoming (ambitious) project. There are other things that I wish I could have done but I will leave this for a future post.

Ramadhan 1, 1441 Varia

So we have arrived at another Ramadhan today for the Hijri year 1441. I'm thankful to be given another opportunity to be in another blessed month of Ramadhan. It will be an exceptional Ramadhan with all the restrictions in place, not only for Malaysia but for most of the world (something for us to ponder). It was also announced yesterday by our Prime Minister that our MCO will be extended for another two weeks i.e. for the period of 29 April-12 May 2020. Earlier we had our current third installment of MCO for the period of 15-28 April 2020. So far, the strategy adopted does seem to work. The number of new cases has been reduced to two digits recently and so far maintained as such. The current R_0 is now said to be less than one. Today it is announced that the testing capacity has reached 16,000 per day which is a welcomed news.

The extended MCO will hit the business badly but there are some relaxations being considered as more sectors are allowed to operate. The private health sector is not excluded from being negatively affected by the MCO. It was reported that patients of private clinics get reduced to as much as 25% and some even more. So far my other half is still working despite a momentary closure during the second period of MCO for her self-quarantine of 14 days as she had been seeing some patients with some symptoms. Currently she has bought PPEs for herself and the staff. Hope she will stay safe as Rembau was identified as a hot spot.

As for myself, I try to keep fit while working from home. Read up more materials and try to prepare myself for online classes. Have already bought a white board, a drawing tablet, subscribed to sharing screen-video software and also renewed my Mathematica license during the MCO period. Hope to get everything ready by next week, as we resume our remaining first half of the semester.

To end, I'm posting my video of playing the mbira just to test my software.

Stay home. Stay safe. Have a blessed Ramadhan.

Let's Move On

Yesterday, I have received the news that the Institute for Mathematical Research (INSPEM) will now have a new Director, namely Assoc. Prof. Dr. Muhammad Rezal. His appointment will begin on 1 April 2020 until 31 March 2023 which coincides with the anniversary of the institute. It was a welcomed good news since the institute was without a director for a period of one year and four months, which was rather exceptional. I hope now that the institute can now go on progressing full steam ahead.

The news sort of made me recall some memories while I was there. There were a lot of challenges and even office politics which I don't have a stomach for. I am fully aware some criticisms (and even smear campaign) made against me but I will turn these into a valuable experience for me to proceed. I am ready to move on (and I hope everyone else too). Some of my international friends are probably not aware that I have left the institute since 16 November 2019. There were plans of international cooperation made before I left and I hope the new management will take these up seriously. The vision is still to be a research institute of international repute, which is really demanding. But as I have said before being recognised internationally precedes international repute. Thus, when it comes to international cooperation, I have often consider this to be of higher priority during my time. Currently, I will help support such cooperation in my own personal capacity.

As I have mentioned before, my leaving the institute is much due to several episodes of health problems. I am now avoiding high stress environment and have taken many physiotherapy sessions for my back to help me improve my health. However with the current extended MCO, things will grow a bit complicated. My medication supply will run out sometime early next month and I have not been able to go for physiotherapy sessions any more. For the former, I am relying on the contact of my other half with the pharmacies. For the latter, I took the benefit of working from home situation to do more exercises on the treadmill. When experiencing episodes of severe back pain, I can get feverish and have difficulty in even walking. Thus this affects me more now but I'm pushing myself to strengthen my back muscles at least.

To move on, I am open to minor changes in research directions. While I was with INSPEM, I tend to focus more on mathematical aspects of my research to fit the environment that I am in. Presently, I don't take this as a 'constraint' anymore and will try to be independent and consider other possible options. However I will remain close to my core discipline of theoretical physics and particularly quantum theory. Let's move on.

An Extended MCO

Yesterday, the Prime Minister declared that our present Movement Control Order (MCO), which ends on Tuesday next week will be extended until 14th April. Thus, effectively our stay-at-home period is about a month. Now to those with a fixed salary scheme, this only means we get to work at home longer. But many particularly businesses which need to operate daily to ensure income (particularly small ones), will suffer. While I may not have the experience to be in such a situation, my other half is. If ever she decides not to work, there will be less income or even losses. So I can imagine how difficult these prolonged MCO can be to them. Of course she is in a critical sector that was allowed to operate during the MCO which 'helps'. On the bigger scale, there is a need to lessen the infection rate since otherwise we might end up with a crippled work force that in the end leads to bigger economic loss. Quoting Prof. Raina MacIntyre in Australian ABC News report: "If you don't control the disease, your economic losses are going to be far greater and the recovery time is going to be a lot longer…So it's just a fallacy to think it's a choice between saving lives and jobs."

I do not pretend to be anywhere knowledgeable about infectious disease dynamics (in realistic terms, beyond the SIR model), but this begs the question of how long should we expect for the MCO to go? Well, according to a report, analysts at JP Morgan Chase & Co (don't know who they are) predicted that the infection peak will be in mid-April (which coincides with the end of MCO period), after which, I suppose the infection will decrease. The report further said that the infection rate will slow down to 100-250 per day. This is roughly what we have now (see below); in other words - they are expecting a larger infection rate sometime soon. From the https://www.outbreak.my/ website, one can get some info on the Covid-19 infection statistics. I'm listing the figures of daily increase (new cases) from just before the surge seen on 15 March.

• 26 March: 235 new cases
• 25 March: 172 cases
• 24 March: 106 cases
• 23 March: 212 cases
• 22 March: 123 cases
• 21 March: 153 cases
• 20 March: 130 cases (went past 1000th infection)
• 19 March: 110 cases
• 18 March: 117 cases (MCO put in place)
• 17 March: 120 cases
• 16 March: 125 cases
• 15 March: 190 cases
• 14 March: 41 cases

Note: 

• Went past 100th infection on 9th March - at this stage, we have only seen the first wave.
• The Tabligh Ijtima' meeting was during 28 February-1 March and the surge seen on 15 March is right after the incubation period of 14 days.
• The Ministry claims that the infection has reached the 5th generation from the Tabligh cluster (perhaps this means 5 node-distance away from an infected node that attended the Tabligh meeting).
• The whole graph (incomplete pending contact tracing) can be seen at https://www.outbreak.my/cases.
• There is now a Wikimedia entry for Malaysia Covid-19 cases at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_coronavirus_pandemic_in_Malaysia.

Even if we hit the peak around mid-April, one expects the same rate of infection as we see now will still linger on for some extended period. In fact some predicted this Covid-19 crisis will prolonged up to more than a year before we could resume a 'normal' life. The best bet is perhaps life will not get back to its previous normalcy. There will be permanent changes to our lives and even culture, of which I would like to ponder on. Will not discuss it now though.