Yesterday we had our old cat Shaggy leaving us for good. She had been suffering from cancer with liver and kidney failures for a long time. In a way, I was glad that her suffering has now stopped. This cat had somewhat affected me more than usual that I run away yesterday from my family to shed some tears. When she was well, she was always in our room and slept there for the night. When I am praying, she usually come to my side and be with me. When her sickness got serious, I can't help admire how she fought it, trying to be alive, following us whenever she can but she will be avoiding us when she rests. At some point, when she spat out blood, I was thinking in my mind that she won't last long, but she kept being with us even months after that. How strong she was. The pic below is Shaggy with my other half during the time when she was still healthy.
Yesterday afternoon, we were at a workshop after Friday prayers. As soon as we came back, my other half noticed that she had already passed away. The picture below is taken by my son before we buried her in our backyard after Maghrib.
It will remind me of my own forthcoming death. She will be missed.
Yesterday was also a bad day for me. I was struggling with my duties but yet others seem to be not satisfied with my work thus far. Received messages while I was in a mosque reminding me of some unfinished work. At the same time, I was facing problems with my car brakes that I can no longer ignore and had decided to send it to an authorised workshop in Malacca (the nearest to our home in Seremban); the local workshop can't do the repair because the brakes have sensors. Even at the workshop, I was still reminded by others of some duties that I need to do. What a day it was. I left my car at the workshop and asked my son to pick us up.
I have been in administrative position before and I get it with respect to getting others to work and follow rules. I know the feeling of trying to help others but then getting our hands bitten. I know the need to be fair to all when we make decisions. But I also know the hurt it can bring and now I am on the receiving party. Despite all the above, my concern is always whether this is all fair. Sometimes we see others being treated differently and one just felt hurt. All these hurts leave scars for me to remember but I will wear them with dignity. I will go on with life as usual hoping to contribute wherever I can, particularly for science in the country.
Looking for brighter days ahead.
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