Day of Ashura Varia

As stated in my last post, the month of Muharram marks the first month of the Hijri calendar and it is considered as a sacred month. Within this month, an important day is the day of Ashura. Muslima re encouraged to perform more prayers, dzikr, good deeds and in particular fasting is recommended (but not obligatory). Thus, I decided to fast today. It is also known that fasting on this day is also observed by the followers of the Jewish faith but the Prophet Muhammad pbuh mentioned that we are closer to the Prophet Moses (pbuh) and rightfully best to observe the fasting (see here). However, there is a general 'rule' that Muslims should not follow closely followers of other faiths (see here). To this, Muslims thus are also recommended to also fast on the day before, the Day of Tasu'a, or the day after. I did try to fast on the day before but I broke my fast due to an episode of heartburn. Let's see if I can fast also tomorrow.

Something that I have learned over the week (from a Muslim podcast) on how the Islamic faith is different from the other two Abrahamic faiths is that we refrain from deification of man (common knowledge) but also the other direction i.e. anthropomorphize God particularly in a belittling way (this was new to me). For instance, the act of 'debating' with God or even finding loopholes within the Laws of God (as if God is not Omniscient, not knowing one's intents). I'm putting this down as I like to note down things that I've learned anew. Again, I have no intention of going down the path of comparative religion at this very late age but learning enough for my mere understanding and comprehension of affairs of the world. For this reason too, I have followed less Jiang's speculations these days as I think I have understood his major ideas, unless his commentaries on current events or he puts forward a fresh new idea/direction. 

Today, I was surprised to find a 'new' video of Julian Dorey with Bassem Youssef. On watching it, I realized that it was a condensed version of a longer video that has appeared before. I do recommend people to watch it (the shorter one, if you like). I still can't place Bassem's face as a cadriologist since I first knew him as a comedian. When I first watched it (with the longer video), I could not really imagined the brave transition being made by him, from a cardiologist to a comedian. Wiuld I be able to make such a huge transition?

Currently, I was fantasizing myself to e a content creator with the wish of making a side income. A transition from a (retired) academic to a content creator? Despite that I have a YouTube channel (dormant), I don't see myself too much of a person appearing on videos since I don't talk as well as I write (I think). I also have my own website domain (paid) and blogs but I have not put much content in it since it takes a lot of work. One other fear is that one begins to publish content that has less meaning, new content for content sake (unfortunately, I saw much of these) and only serves me negatively in the hereafter. So, still fantasizing ...

Varia: 1448 First Post

Let me begin this post about Father's Day which was celebrated yesterday. My personal observation is that it is less 'celebrated' than Mothers Day. Not sure what the reason is; perhaps a father is less detached to the family and more commonly have an outward role. Anyway,within the Prophetic tradition, we are expected to show love and honour to the mother more than the father (see here). But for yesterday, I was trying to recollect memories of my father. It is sad to think that  have not spent much time with him since much part of my life was not at home, studying at a boarding school and went abroad for tertiary studies. May Allah grant him blessings for all his sacrifices.

We had a brief period of having the whole family in the house for the last few days. Ihsan came back homr from JB on Wedneday. On Friday, we went to pick-up our youngest Izzuddin from UiTM Jassin to spend the weekend with us. Yesterday, they send Izzuddin back to the college; I stayed home since I was not feeling well. Below is a pic of Izzuddin and his brothers having lunch before sending him back.

On the scientific front, I'm happy to inform the publication of my former PhD student Mohammed. He told me that this is the final result (which is related to the previous result). I hope that he will continue to be active in reseach. As for me, I still continue to read on quantum stuff.

Just yesterday, I have finished reading Chris Fuchs' "Notes on a Paulian Idea" (the older version), which I had prnted out and stacked it on my reading pile. It was interesting to see all his (courageous) correspondences with luminaries and to put in peespective, he had only finished PhD (see here). The emails are informal but in some places, are very detailed - commenting even on commas, particular usage of words. It made me recall some memories I had when I was put in charge of publications for ITMA where I insisted on looking at the documents to be conformed with some standards. One staff even made the remark that I was pedantic to the point of insisting that there should be spaces after full stops, and commas inserted as pauses/breaks of long sentences. At the time I had already bought the Chicago Manual and the CBE Manual, to help me with my publishing committee tasks. I remembered in one instance of brainstorming workshop, I put forward the idea of our own manual style to which I was laughed at. One of the things that I had in mind was a standard for Asian names, some don't have surnames and some ordered the surname differently (like in Chinese names). I guess there was no real urgency in that.

Back to Fuchs' notes; the interesting correspondences that I find interesting is with his collaborators Caves, Peres, Schack, and also Mermin. It took me a longer read to understand what are they discussing. One provocative title forwarded in the notes is that 'Quantum States Do Not Exist'. Indeed the idea of a state is purely our construction to describe the systems under study and that it is almost always fashioned by the adopted dynamical equation. The other idea is the disturbance introduced in measurments/observations. The other thing I observe in his notes is the creativity and freedom of discussing ideas but yet grounded in mathematics. These are things that I wish to inculcate more in our local group (doing a Gelfand for a critical mindset), less gossipy and annoying politics. Another is the inhibitions that we have (inferiority complex? superiority complex on the other side? arrogance?), in contrast with their cavalier (but yet respectful) correspondences. Anyway, I do recommend people to look at the (serious) discussion in these notes.

Goodbye 1447

By dusk, we will be welcoming the new Hijri year 1448. Presently, I'm recollecting memories of the family of my siblings (including my own). I have essentially observed that over the years that most of us are very quiet in nature, less vocal in many circumstances and that we tend to favour the side of our spouses as a result. Is this a weakness or strength? The ideal is always to be fair but being human there will always be weakness. Why do I bring this up when all of us are in the twillight years? The least is that our children may pick lessons from what we have gone through.

So before I leave planet earth, I may want to reveal some guilt I had kept with me all these years. I was due to travel to Lexington, Kentucky for a conference in mid July 2009. Sometime before that, I had my musician brother and my late mum staying with us. Mum has been in and out of the hospital during that period. But since I was about to be absent for a week for the conference, my other half told me that she was uncomfortable having my brother when I'm away (despite that my mum is around). So I asked my brother to leave temporarily just before my trip to the States and he did. Little did I know, that mum passed away on 13 July 2009 and my brother could not be around in her final hours. There was certainly a guilty feeling within me and I'm not sure if he will ever forgive me. I can sense a strained relation thereafter. May Allah forgive us and pray that we will be united with mum (and dad) in jannah.

I do not know what will our future be like. Just last week, I was notified by the university hospital that they cancel my request for an appointment (after a doctor in PKU recommended me to go there) since they can't produce a referral letter to IJN as they do not have a cardiologist (they need such letter from a public hospital; I already have a referral letter from a cardiologist in a private hospital). So for now, I will not take further action for the IJN visit and may Allah keep me healthy. So, it is in this view that I pray to Allah that I will make the best decision regarding my brother, acceptable to both my other half and sons, and my brothers and sister.

Searing Words

I need to get something off my chest. In the past, Sometimes people say very unkind words that seared deeply into my brain and heart. One can't just un'remember' it. Searing words indeed.

For instance, once I was confronted by a maths professor who knew my late brother and said unkind words about my brother. To this day, I can't see why he had to say that to me. I hardly know the professor and was puzzled why he did that. A probable reason is that I was rising in rank in the maths institute and some may have bad-mouthed me and then did some ill-campaign regarding this. The professor is no longer with us and may Allah forgive him. As much as I want to forgive him, the memory had stayed with me, seared rather deeply.

There are many instances of people saying unkind words to me and at times looked at me with disgust. But I want to get straight to a matter that was heavy in my heart and mind namely regarding my musician brother. He performed with Geng Waklong at our SEAMS School dinner. When the event ended and people were going back home, I introduced my brother to my superior to which he uttered 'Are you sure he is your brother?' since at the time he had taken off the stage clothings and was wearing his usual thin t-shirt. I was upset about it, thinking it was an inappropriate thing to say since it might hurt my brother's feelings. Perhaps the person was saying it in jest and I would say that it was a poor judgment on his part to do so since he did not know my family. But sometimes even people who do know us (the family) can say awful things. Likening any of us with a disabled person was really an awfully bad thing to say and I remember my late brother who organised the meet, was very angry about what had been said. In my thoughts, if one doesn't want to help then don't but guard one's tongue from saying awful things.

Some might ask why I'm bringing up the past; it is mainly because it serves as a lesson for all of us. In my limited capacity, I will try to help, God willing, and defend my family including my brothers and sisters from bad mouthing. If people still do bad mouthing, I will probably smile and walk away and maybe the person won't see much of me thereafter. Perhaps all that had happened is simply we had not done our duties and repay in kind to our parents. May Allah forgive us and that we will be able to meet our parents in jannah.

Note added: I was looking forward to the new Hijri year to be a better Muslim but arising things compelled me to make this post.

Leaking Porch, Leaking Purse

We were experiencing quite a downpour in the last two weeks and we found our porch was leaking very badly. My other half complained about it before it get any worse; she told me that the wooden structure (part) of the door seems to be swelling.due to dampness. I was hoping that we could postpone the repair since we are on a tight budget. However my other half is willing to take up the expenses (while I handle the regular bills). 

So earlier this week, we called our handyman to help fix the problem. Before that, my other half bought some sealant and tape stuffs to reduce the cost of repair. However, we were told that it was of the wrong or low quality type. So our handyman bought himself what was needed.

It took our handyman the whole day to do the repair but even then we need to test how good the repair is.

The next day, there was no rain for us to check if the leak is repaired. Mid week, there was another downpour in early morning. While there was less leakage, the leak near the door was still there. So, we had to do temporary workaround before we call our handyman to fix completely the leak.

So today, our handyman suggests that we install a zinc appendage where the leak is. He bought the necessary materials and did the repair in the later half of the day. The result is shown below.

We have yet to see whether this completely fix the problem or not. 

So for today's dinner, my other half suggested that we go out. We tried out a new eatery at S2 Ikon.

We have just heard that the insane war has reintensified and we were worried about the economic implication, I have always updated the family about the war; we need to be prepared. Currenty listening to Dr..Nungsari (my high school senior) in a podcast about our economy.

I have also received the news that our former physics staff passed away earlier this week. May Allah forgive him and grant him jannah.

We will follow suit. Life is fragile.

Long Weekend Leading To June

 The last weekend had a string of public holidays, making it a long weekend. First, there was Vesak day which falls on Sunday (May 31), celebrated by Buddhists.This is followed by the birthday of Agong (King), which falls on Monday (June 1).In conjunction with his birthday, honorific awards are given to selected individuals that have contributed much to the society. Overlapping with this is Gawai Day (June 1 & 2) which is celebrated in Sarawak, East Malaysis (a state holiday). Since Vesak day was on Sunday, the holiday should have been replaced on Monday but then Monday was also Agong's birthday. Thus, many offices have the 'weekend' extended until Tuesday.

My son Ihsan, as he promised, came back home on Friday and we had the whole family together that evening. My other half and Ihsan together with Izzuddin went to the cat expo the next day, but I stayed home (ontok-ontok mode). For the rest of the weekend, we stayed home (avoiding the busy traffic) since on Monday, Izzuddin has to go back to his college. Instead of sending Izzuddin ourselves, Ihsan volunteered to send back Izzuddin since he should be travelling back to Johor for work. Some photos below, just before their trip:

Excuse me in the sarong below.

When they arrived at the Jasin Campus, we were told that the cafe there was not open and thus Ihsan had to bring Izzuddin outside to get some. This delayed Ihsan's trip back to Johor and making it worse, there was a huge traffic jam.

Note added: Had listened to Jiang's final exam lecture during the weekend. The 'exam' is really where students given the task to ask questions or criticize the lessons that he has already given in the semester. Questions from beyond the class (his subscribers) were also discussed and thus Jiang's replies capture in some way how Jiang thought processes work. There was a follow-up lecture where Jiang discussed the work of his prevous mentor but I just couldn't bear listening to the whole thing and I stopped midway. The idea of reading in sexual ideas into what would be otherwise 'holy activities' seems like devuant teachings I have heard in the past. This is essentially the problem of 'idolising creativity' too much; ideas can go wrong and it can lead others astray. I was really surprised that these deviant sexualised ideas are being taught in a class of 'high school students'.

Knocking Opportunities and Responsibilities

One of the hadith (Prophetic tradition) that had some impact on me when I first read it is the following:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "O `Abdur-Rahman! Do not seek to be a ruler, for if you are given authority on your demand then you will be held responsible for it, but if you are given it without asking (for it), then you will be helped (by Allah) in it. If you ever take an oath to do something and later on you find that something else is better, then you should expiate your oath and do what is better." (see here)

When I looked back upon the events of my life, I try to reframe in the context of the hadith. For instance, when I first took an administrative position, it was not me chasing for it. I was asked to form a new laboratory (Theoretical Studies Laboratory = TSL) at Institute for Advanced Technology (note that it has changed its name but in those days, it had the acronym ITMA), it was really the idea of Prof. M.A.K. Lodhi to the management and I was invited to head it. I did not immediately said yes and sat on the brewing idea until the Director urged me not to delay the decision. Much of the delay is really due to the preparation of its paperwork. Even later when there were restructuring of institutes for which I was told that TSL is to merge with the mathematics institute (INSPEM), I consulted the INSPEM director about the idea and how to go about it (not pushing it). Initially, I joined the mathematics institute as an ordinary member but later I was asked to head Laboratory of Computational Sciences and Informatics. Given the field of the lab, much of me was figuring out how to fit in. After awhile, I saw that the research conducted by the lab can be lumped mostly into Computational Sciences, while Informatics was not quite the emphasis. That is when I proposed the change of name to Computational Sciences and Mathematical Physics. At the time, my students and I were doing research on cusp forms on hyperbolic surfaces, which sits nicely between the domains of computational sciences and mathematical physics. Later, I wanted to push for complex networks which sits between computationl sciences, networked systems and computable structures, but perhaps it was not as successful as I had wished. After awhile, another opportunity came kncking, namely the appointment as Deputy Director and this was also not from my push but I accepted it then (not knowing what it will bring). Citing health problems, I later stepped down and I was back at the Department/Faculty as an ordinary member and had preferred it that way until my retirement.

The prophetic tradition stated above also influenced my decision making in other matters. I rarely push for anything unless opportunities come knocking my way. While I have ambitions,needs and wants like any other ordinary person, I tend not to push myself for them until opportunities come naturally. Even in mundane matters like adopting cats, most of the cats we owned was given to us or crossed out path in some way e.g. the three legged cat Hitam who came to us for help (see this post).

Presently, my son Ihsan presented to us the opportunity of owning another further three cats that his friend wanted to let go due to his job in Singapore and has little time to look after them. We are still thinking about it since we already have eight cats in our house. There are responsibilities that come with owning cats and so far, the maximum number of cats that we had was twelve.