Words and More Words

Sometime in the week that has passed, someone I "know" posted something commenting on another person's post in a rather humiliating way. It was rather unbecoming of the person whom I thought was an "intellectual". It brought to my mind, a remark made by Mufti Menk, when one reads a posting that seems to affect oneelf, always remind oneelf that the posting made has nothing to do with oneself. These words don't really mean anything (as is sung by this talented singer in this video). Indeed the danger of the social media allowing anyone to write anything (rresponsibly) that eventually only lends harm to one own self. I do get it that sometimes people would like to vent off their anger, frustrations or whatever on social media but the social media has transformed itself to something 'ugly'. It is not a platform that connects "friends"; the so-called friends could be enemies in disguise or simply persons who would like to take advantage of persons on the platform. Lately, I have refrained myself from posting too much unless I'm sure that I am relaying useful information often to targeted community or individuals. I rather post here whose contents are not being pushed to someone' face unless they are looking for them.

Now for some trivialities of life (get ready to be bored):

The past two days, our house was without the cooking gas and we had to get meals from outside which are more expensive. Normally, we can called up the gas supplier and had them delivered to our house. Also we normally have two gas cylinders; one in use and the other as a spare. Apparently on Thursday night, we had used up our spare and the gas supplier normally don't do deliveries in late evening. We requested the supplier to send us two cylinders the next day but apparently they did not. In my mind I entertained the possibility of shortages due to the war but that is just being alarmist. It was only at noon today that they delivered the needed two cylinders.

More leakage. Lately my other half complained that our black Malibu was making noises whenever tha car is turning. So today we had it serviced at a local service station and complained about the problem. Immediately, the foreman recognised as an oil leakage in the tie rod for the power steering. So on top of the normal service, we had the oil for the power steering being topped up. As a result, my wallet has experienced more leaking,The foreman had (correctly) mentioned that this is normal that is older than 10 years. I remembered that we bought this in March 2015.

More learning: Watch this from Blogging Theology after doing the service. Yesterday, I watched this video of Emad Mostaque. More words ...

Weekend Varia: Wedding and Cikgu Ramli

While the social media is rife with political campaign with the forthcoming state elections, I tend to ignore them as much as the islamophobic postings that has invaded my wall over several weeks. I wonder how the algorithm decided that my wall is targetted and how much do they get paid for such postings. In any case, I will just read what I want.

It has been pretty uneventful week for me (another ontok-ontok period for me). I accompanied my other half to the fruit orchard in Mantin to buy more mangosteens for my eldest son to give away at his workplace. 

The weekend had one wedding we attended over in Senawang.

Early Monday morning, received the news that Cikgu Ramli passed away while he was readmitted to the hospital after having a surgery. May Allah forgive him and grant him jannah.

Cikgu Ramli was a teacher who took up my Quantum Mechanics for his undergraduate degree, earlier in my teaching carreer (was still figuring what was best for students and in particular the handful of teachers that we had at the time - may Allah forgive my shortcomings). The last time I me hm face-to-face was during my trip to Terengganu;it was brief but enough to chat about what we have been doing since he graduated.

Life is so fragile.

Already in the Second Half of the Year?

Time flies and time waits for no one. We are now in the second half of the year. What happenned to the first half? Not much has changed. There seem to be no end to the war and the fasadists went ahead with their evil schemings with no shame but many have woken up. Personal front, I felt I have been wasting too much time and right now, I'm feeling particularly useless. My other half will work more hours in some clinics and thus helping us with additional income. Few days ago, on the way back home, she managed to buy some local fruits from a fruit orchard in Mantin.

Yesterday, she brought us out for lunch at a new eatery in Ikon S2 called A Decade; we had never been to this place before as it looked a bit posh. The food was good though pricey.

On science, I have been looking up the many references mentioned in Fuchs' Notes On A Paulian Idea. Sad to say that most of the references that were in conference proceeding are just not accessible. Conferences are where new ideas tend to germinate and we tend to get the back story of how ideas evolved. It is sad that today's conferences tend to be more business-like with the conference output are being marketed as possible publications in journals. This also leads to predatory conferences. I supposed the good side of it is that conference materials are now made more accessible through the journals and conference proceedings, which are usually bought by libraries and not individual may become things of the past. During my early career year, I do buy conference proceedings published by World Scientific and I still have them with me. Below is one of the earliest proceedings that I bought from them. I bought it because it was one of my main references for my Honours thesis on Minimal SU(5) GUT, Modifications and Related Topics.

I have also started back my random note taking from papers and books. In the past, I used to called them Rawangan (not knowing whether there is a word for this), which I thought was nice because it rhymes with Ruangan that referes to space or column (usually in a newspaper or magazine). But then Gemini gave me this:

Right now, I'm making notes from the following book by Denbigh & Denbigh as I wanted to know more the objective versus subjective debate. This coincides nicely with the reading materials from Chris Fuchs' Notes on A Paulian Idea. 

Hopefully I can convert some of these Rawangan notes into blog entries elsewhere. I pray that I have the stamina to do this.

Day of Ashura Varia

As stated in my last post, the month of Muharram marks the first month of the Hijri calendar and it is considered as a sacred month. Within this month, an important day is the day of Ashura. Muslima are encouraged to perform more prayers, dzikr, good deeds and in particular fasting is recommended (but not obligatory). Thus, I decided to fast today. It is also known that fasting on this day is also observed by the followers of the Jewish faith but the Prophet Muhammad pbuh mentioned that we are closer to the Prophet Moses (pbuh) and rightfully best to observe the fasting (see here). However, there is a general 'rule' that Muslims should not follow closely followers of other faiths (see here). To this, Muslims thus are also recommended to also fast on the day before, the Day of Tasu'a, or the day after. I did try to fast on the day before but I broke my fast due to an episode of heartburn. Let's see if I can fast also tomorrow.

Something that I have learned over the week (from a Muslim podcast) on how the Islamic faith is different from the other two Abrahamic faiths is that we refrain from deification of man (common knowledge) but also the other direction i.e. anthropomorphize God particularly in a belittling way (this was new to me). For instance, the act of 'debating' with God or even finding loopholes within the Laws of God (as if God is not Omniscient, not knowing one's intents). I'm putting this down as I like to note down things that I've learned anew. Again, I have no intention of going down the path of comparative religion at this very late age but learning enough for my mere understanding and comprehension of affairs of the world. For this reason too, I have followed less Jiang's speculations these days as I think I have understood his major ideas, unless his commentaries on current events or he puts forward a fresh new idea/direction. 

Today, I was surprised to find a 'new' video of Julian Dorey with Bassem Youssef. On watching it, I realized that it was a condensed version of a longer video that has appeared before. I do recommend people to watch it (the shorter one, if you like). I still can't place Bassem's face as a cadriologist since I first knew him as a comedian. When I first watched it (with the longer video), I could not really imagined the brave transition being made by him, from a cardiologist to a comedian. Would I be able to make such a huge transition?

Currently, I was fantasizing myself to be a content creator with the wish of making a side income. A transition from a (retired) academic to a content creator? Despite that I have a YouTube channel (dormant), I don't see myself too much of a person appearing on videos since I don't talk as well as I write (I think). I also have my own website domain (paid) and blogs but I have not put much content in it since it takes a lot of work. One other fear is that one begins to publish content that has less meaning, new content for content sake (unfortunately, I saw much of these) and only serves me negatively in the hereafter. So, still fantasizing ...

Varia: 1448 First Post

Let me begin this post about Father's Day which was celebrated yesterday. My personal observation is that it is less 'celebrated' than Mothers Day. Not sure what the reason is; perhaps a father is less detached to the family and more commonly have an outward role. Anyway,within the Prophetic tradition, we are expected to show love and honour to the mother more than the father (see here). But for yesterday, I was trying to recollect memories of my father. It is sad to think that  have not spent much time with him since much part of my life was not at home, studying at a boarding school and went abroad for tertiary studies. May Allah grant him blessings for all his sacrifices.

We had a brief period of having the whole family in the house for the last few days. Ihsan came back homr from JB on Wedneday. On Friday, we went to pick-up our youngest Izzuddin from UiTM Jassin to spend the weekend with us. Yesterday, they send Izzuddin back to the college; I stayed home since I was not feeling well. Below is a pic of Izzuddin and his brothers having lunch before sending him back.

On the scientific front, I'm happy to inform the publication of my former PhD student Mohammed. He told me that this is the final result (which is related to the previous result). I hope that he will continue to be active in reseach. As for me, I still continue to read on quantum stuff.

Just yesterday, I have finished reading Chris Fuchs' "Notes on a Paulian Idea" (the older version), which I had prnted out and stacked it on my reading pile. It was interesting to see all his (courageous) correspondences with luminaries and to put in peespective, he had only finished PhD (see here). The emails are informal but in some places, are very detailed - commenting even on commas, particular usage of words. It made me recall some memories I had when I was put in charge of publications for ITMA where I insisted on looking at the documents to be conformed with some standards. One staff even made the remark that I was pedantic to the point of insisting that there should be spaces after full stops, and commas inserted as pauses/breaks of long sentences. At the time I had already bought the Chicago Manual and the CBE Manual, to help me with my publishing committee tasks. I remembered in one instance of brainstorming workshop, I put forward the idea of our own manual style to which I was laughed at. One of the things that I had in mind was a standard for Asian names, some don't have surnames and some ordered the surname differently (like in Chinese names). I guess there was no real urgency in that.

Back to Fuchs' notes; the interesting correspondences that I find interesting is with his collaborators Caves, Peres, Schack, and also Mermin. It took me a longer read to understand what are they discussing. One provocative title forwarded in the notes is that 'Quantum States Do Not Exist'. Indeed the idea of a state is purely our construction to describe the systems under study and that it is almost always fashioned by the adopted dynamical equation. The other idea is the disturbance introduced in measurments/observations. The other thing I observe in his notes is the creativity and freedom of discussing ideas but yet grounded in mathematics. These are things that I wish to inculcate more in our local group (doing a Gelfand for a critical mindset), less gossipy and annoying politics. Another is the inhibitions that we have (inferiority complex? superiority complex on the other side? arrogance?), in contrast with their cavalier (but yet respectful) correspondences. Anyway, I do recommend people to look at the (serious) discussion in these notes.

Goodbye 1447

By dusk, we will be welcoming the new Hijri year 1448. Presently, I'm recollecting memories of the family of my siblings (including my own). I have essentially observed that over the years that most of us are very quiet in nature, less vocal in many circumstances and that we tend to favour the side of our spouses as a result. Is this a weakness or strength? The ideal is always to be fair but being human there will always be weakness. Why do I bring this up when all of us are in the twillight years? The least is that our children may pick lessons from what we have gone through.

So before I leave planet earth, I may want to reveal some guilt I had kept with me all these years. I was due to travel to Lexington, Kentucky for a conference in mid July 2009. Sometime before that, I had my musician brother and my late mum staying with us. Mum has been in and out of the hospital during that period. But since I was about to be absent for a week for the conference, my other half told me that she was uncomfortable having my brother when I'm away (despite that my mum is around). So I asked my brother to leave temporarily just before my trip to the States and he did. Little did I know, that mum passed away on 13 July 2009 and my brother could not be around in her final hours. There was certainly a guilty feeling within me and I'm not sure if he will ever forgive me. I can sense a strained relation thereafter. May Allah forgive us and pray that we will be united with mum (and dad) in jannah.

I do not know what will our future be like. Just last week, I was notified by the university hospital that they cancel my request for an appointment (after a doctor in PKU recommended me to go there) since they can't produce a referral letter to IJN as they do not have a cardiologist (they need such letter from a public hospital; I already have a referral letter from a cardiologist in a private hospital). So for now, I will not take further action for the IJN visit and may Allah keep me healthy. So, it is in this view that I pray to Allah that I will make the best decision regarding my brother, acceptable to both my other half and sons, and my brothers and sister.

Searing Words

I need to get something off my chest. In the past, Sometimes people say very unkind words that seared deeply into my brain and heart. One can't just un'remember' it. Searing words indeed.

For instance, once I was confronted by a maths professor who knew my late brother and said unkind words about my brother. To this day, I can't see why he had to say that to me. I hardly know the professor and was puzzled why he did that. A probable reason is that I was rising in rank in the maths institute and some may have bad-mouthed me and then did some ill-campaign regarding this. The professor is no longer with us and may Allah forgive him. As much as I want to forgive him, the memory had stayed with me, seared rather deeply.

There are many instances of people saying unkind words to me and at times looked at me with disgust. But I want to get straight to a matter that was heavy in my heart and mind namely regarding my musician brother. He performed with Geng Waklong at our SEAMS School dinner. When the event ended and people were going back home, I introduced my brother to my superior to which he uttered 'Are you sure he is your brother?' since at the time he had taken off the stage clothings and was wearing his usual thin t-shirt. I was upset about it, thinking it was an inappropriate thing to say since it might hurt my brother's feelings. Perhaps the person was saying it in jest and I would say that it was a poor judgment on his part to do so since he did not know my family. But sometimes even people who do know us (the family) can say awful things. Likening any of us with a disabled person was really an awfully bad thing to say and I remember my late brother who organised the meet, was very angry about what had been said. In my thoughts, if one doesn't want to help then don't but guard one's tongue from saying awful things.

Some might ask why I'm bringing up the past; it is mainly because it serves as a lesson for all of us. In my limited capacity, I will try to help, God willing, and defend my family including my brothers and sisters from bad mouthing. If people still do bad mouthing, I will probably smile and walk away and maybe the person won't see much of me thereafter. Perhaps all that had happened is simply we had not done our duties and repay in kind to our parents. May Allah forgive us and that we will be able to meet our parents in jannah.

Note added: I was looking forward to the new Hijri year to be a better Muslim but arising things compelled me to make this post.

Leaking Porch, Leaking Purse

We were experiencing quite a downpour in the last two weeks and we found our porch was leaking very badly. My other half complained about it before it get any worse; she told me that the wooden structure (part) of the door seems to be swelling.due to dampness. I was hoping that we could postpone the repair since we are on a tight budget. However my other half is willing to take up the expenses (while I handle the regular bills). 

So earlier this week, we called our handyman to help fix the problem. Before that, my other half bought some sealant and tape stuffs to reduce the cost of repair. However, we were told that it was of the wrong or low quality type. So our handyman bought himself what was needed.

It took our handyman the whole day to do the repair but even then we need to test how good the repair is.

The next day, there was no rain for us to check if the leak is repaired. Mid week, there was another downpour in early morning. While there was less leakage, the leak near the door was still there. So, we had to do temporary workaround before we call our handyman to fix completely the leak.

So today, our handyman suggests that we install a zinc appendage where the leak is. He bought the necessary materials and did the repair in the later half of the day. The result is shown below.

We have yet to see whether this completely fix the problem or not. 

So for today's dinner, my other half suggested that we go out. We tried out a new eatery at S2 Ikon.

We have just heard that the insane war has reintensified and we were worried about the economic implication, I have always updated the family about the war; we need to be prepared. Currenty listening to Dr..Nungsari (my high school senior) in a podcast about our economy.

I have also received the news that our former physics staff passed away earlier this week. May Allah forgive him and grant him jannah.

We will follow suit. Life is fragile.

Long Weekend Leading To June

 The last weekend had a string of public holidays, making it a long weekend. First, there was Vesak day which falls on Sunday (May 31), celebrated by Buddhists.This is followed by the birthday of Agong (King), which falls on Monday (June 1).In conjunction with his birthday, honorific awards are given to selected individuals that have contributed much to the society. Overlapping with this is Gawai Day (June 1 & 2) which is celebrated in Sarawak, East Malaysis (a state holiday). Since Vesak day was on Sunday, the holiday should have been replaced on Monday but then Monday was also Agong's birthday. Thus, many offices have the 'weekend' extended until Tuesday.

My son Ihsan, as he promised, came back home on Friday and we had the whole family together that evening. My other half and Ihsan together with Izzuddin went to the cat expo the next day, but I stayed home (ontok-ontok mode). For the rest of the weekend, we stayed home (avoiding the busy traffic) since on Monday, Izzuddin has to go back to his college. Instead of sending Izzuddin ourselves, Ihsan volunteered to send back Izzuddin since he should be travelling back to Johor for work. Some photos below, just before their trip:

Excuse me in the sarong below.

When they arrived at the Jasin Campus, we were told that the cafe there was not open and thus Ihsan had to bring Izzuddin outside to get some. This delayed Ihsan's trip back to Johor and making it worse, there was a huge traffic jam.

Note added: Had listened to Jiang's final exam lecture during the weekend. The 'exam' is really where students given the task to ask questions or criticize the lessons that he has already given in the semester. Questions from beyond the class (his subscribers) were also discussed and thus Jiang's replies capture in some way how Jiang thought processes work. There was a follow-up lecture where Jiang discussed the work of his prevous mentor but I just couldn't bear listening to the whole thing and I stopped midway. The idea of reading in sexual ideas into what would be otherwise 'holy activities' seems like devuant teachings I have heard in the past. This is essentially the problem of 'idolising creativity' too much; ideas can go wrong and it can lead others astray. I was really surprised that these deviant sexualised ideas are being taught in a class of 'high school students'.

Knocking Opportunities and Responsibilities

One of the hadith (Prophetic tradition) that had some impact on me when I first read it is the following:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "O `Abdur-Rahman! Do not seek to be a ruler, for if you are given authority on your demand then you will be held responsible for it, but if you are given it without asking (for it), then you will be helped (by Allah) in it. If you ever take an oath to do something and later on you find that something else is better, then you should expiate your oath and do what is better." (see here)

When I looked back upon the events of my life, I try to reframe in the context of the hadith. For instance, when I first took an administrative position, it was not me chasing for it. I was asked to form a new laboratory (Theoretical Studies Laboratory = TSL) at Institute for Advanced Technology (note that it has changed its name but in those days, it had the acronym ITMA), it was really the idea of Prof. M.A.K. Lodhi to the management and I was invited to head it. I did not immediately said yes and sat on the brewing idea until the Director urged me not to delay the decision. Much of the delay is really due to the preparation of its paperwork. Even later when there were restructuring of institutes for which I was told that TSL is to merge with the mathematics institute (INSPEM), I consulted the INSPEM director about the idea and how to go about it (not pushing it). Initially, I joined the mathematics institute as an ordinary member but later I was asked to head Laboratory of Computational Sciences and Informatics. Given the field of the lab, much of me was figuring out how to fit in. After awhile, I saw that the research conducted by the lab can be lumped mostly into Computational Sciences, while Informatics was not quite the emphasis. That is when I proposed the change of name to Computational Sciences and Mathematical Physics. At the time, my students and I were doing research on cusp forms on hyperbolic surfaces, which sits nicely between the domains of computational sciences and mathematical physics. Later, I wanted to push for complex networks which sits between computationl sciences, networked systems and computable structures, but perhaps it was not as successful as I had wished. After awhile, another opportunity came kncking, namely the appointment as Deputy Director and this was also not from my push but I accepted it then (not knowing what it will bring). Citing health problems, I later stepped down and I was back at the Department/Faculty as an ordinary member and had preferred it that way until my retirement.

The prophetic tradition stated above also influenced my decision making in other matters. I rarely push for anything unless opportunities come knocking my way. While I have ambitions,needs and wants like any other ordinary person, I tend not to push myself for them until opportunities come naturally. Even in mundane matters like adopting cats, most of the cats we owned was given to us or crossed out path in some way e.g. the three legged cat Hitam who came to us for help (see this post).

Presently, my son Ihsan presented to us the opportunity of owning another further three cats that his friend wanted to let go due to his job in Singapore and has little time to look after them. We are still thinking about it since we already have eight cats in our house. There are responsibilities that come with owning cats and so far, the maximum number of cats that we had was twelve.

Eid-ul-Adha 1447

We celebrated Eid-ul-Adha today. It is recommended that we do not have breakfast first before the 'Eid prayers and be early at the mosque particularly at our place. Izhar drove us (me and Izzuddin; our eldest was down with flu and was advised to rest) to Masjid Hussain at 7.35 am. We can see many people (mostly immigrant workers, I think) already walking towards the mosque. While we were quite early, the main prayer hall was already filling up quickly and 15 minutes later, it was packed.

The 'Eid prayers started at around 8.25 am after the Imam reminded us how to perform the prayers since it is only done twice a year (the other one is during Eid-ul Fitri). After the prayers, the 'Eid sermon was given and thereafter we went home to have our  breakfast.

We took a group photo after breakfast. Not included the picture is Izhar who took the photo and Ihsan who had to work during 'Eid this time.

We did not go anywhere today and simply stayed home. We were also waiting for our autogate repairman to come as the gate wheels were not functioning properly.

The repair caused me RM250 (which includes the cost of a pair of new wheels) and I guess the price is fitting since today is a public holiday. I hope that there will be no unexpected expenses after this.

Note added: It is a bit worrying that there are now plans for a mischievious administrative takeover of Al-Aqsa mosque. It will sure caused an uproar in the Muslim world. You can listen about the plans here.

Fasting on Day of Tarwiyah and Day of Arafah

As a Muslim, I have fasted on the Day of Tarwiyah and in an hour, I will be breaking fast for the Day of Arafah. May Allah make me a better Muslim. even if there is a significant hatred towards Muslims today. It is recommended that we make supplications during this day.  One can watch the live telecast of this day below:

or the one below: 

 

May Allah give me the opportunity to do pilgirmage. May Allah protect us in these trying times.

The news that I have just heard is that war on Iran has just restarted despite the proclaimed negotiations and peace talks. May common sense prevailed and the Fasadists be prevented from causing more destruction.

Note added: This afternoon, I have just watched Sneako interviewing Korra. I do not know who Korra is, maybe I should check her viralled debate video. Also I watched this video of Prof. Jiang's lecture; I was wondering what was the context of this lecture being given. Do watch minute 16:46 that led me to chuckle a bit.

Saturn's Day Matters

Yesterday, me and my other half went down to UiTM Jasin to pick up our youngest son for his mid-semester break that coincides with Eidul-Adha. Just the day before, Ihsan decided to come home for a short break from his work. So yesterday, we had the whole family together at least briefly.

When we picked up Izzuddin yesterday,we were told that all the eateries in campus were closed since Thursday due to the upcoming holidays. We could not pick him up earlier because he had a test on Friday. Also he had exhausted all his pocket money (without informing me) then, since food ordered from outside tend to be more expensive. So we decided to stop at the Ayer Keroh RnR for him to have his breakfast.

Sometime in the afternoon, my other half's sister stopped by with her daughter's family as she was on the way to PJ for a wedding. Some photos

In the evening, before ihsan goes back to work, we (except for Izhar) went out for dinner at the new mamak restaurant at Icon. Here's a gtoup photo outside the restaurant.

Thereafter Ihsan drove back to Johor as he will clocked in for work at 7am the next day. Hope we will be able to have another family gathering after Eidul Adha. Wishing for happier moments (and with hopefully, better economic conditions).

Dzulhijjah 1447 Varia

We are now in the month of Dzulhijjah, the month when Muslims perform the pilgrimage (I have yet to perform hajj, but had umrah experience back in 2023). Let me begin this post by saying that yesterday I had received the sad news that a school-mate of mine had passed away in Makkah. I have not seen him since I left school though my other friends were saying that I should meet him. Unfortunately, I did not have the good opportunity to see this blessed friend of mine. Here I am, still attached to this temporary worldly desires, and now envying him. May Allah grant me a good ending.

Yesterday, I was also visiting my sister-in-law who has been admitted to IJN (National Heart Institute). I wasn't feeling good myself and have not progressed in making the appointment with the university specialist before I could get an IJN appointment. Here are some photos:

Lately, I have tried to avoid doing social media posts since it has become a toxic place, a battleground of influencers. Doom scrolling through FB while waiting at IJN yesterday, I saw plenty of disgusting Islamophobic posts with outright lies. Luckily, I've brought some reading material and read it instead  It is Chris Fuchs selected email correspondences (see quant-ph/0105039). 

I took it out from the store, thinking that it would be easy reading. Instead it got me strayed, thinking about a lot of things. See for example below.

Anyway, this is the current state I am in: always distracted despite I was supposed to finish reviewing a book draft (which I can only do with the laptop - no more printing). Much of me now prefer to limit my screentime and read materials that I have printed before and once I'm done (with notes written down), I can recycle them away. At least that is what I fantasize. Got too many different  projects on now and time is running out. I hope to discipline myself enough before the new Hijri year sets in. May my prayers be granted.

Added note: Just saw this latest Sneako interview with Prof. Jiang and Malaysia has been mentioned several times. In some way, I am surprised with Jiang's obsession with the occult materials of the West though it is understood that he was trained in the States and that there is a widespread Western influence. I do hope he could start making some comparative studies with (occult?) materials from Asia and other cultures. In this way, this would allow possible predictions in the expected multi-polar world and be less Western oriented. By the way, just took out this book (see pic below) from my book shelf - predictve history? There is another book by the same author titled "The Reluctant Prophets" but it remained hidden within the book cabinet.

Studently Teacher

Yesterday and today, I received  Teacher's Day wishes from a school-mate and a student of my younger colleague. I consider myself more as a student than a teacher; even today, I still feel that I have much to learn. Due to this, I felt I have not done much as a teacher. I come from an average Malay family with no real preparation for me to begin a career in theoretical physics (to this, I actually envy those who had such preparations including the ones of Olympiads). It was only in my third and fourth years of my undergraduate studies in Adelaide that I got to know more about theoretical physics. So that besides those years and the Part III year in Cambridge, most of my knowledge in theoretical physics are from self-study. So when I come back from my PhD, I had this mission of making theoretical physics opportunities available to our local students. I even mentioned this in my interview for my lecturer position in UPM.

Trained as a theorist, I taught mostly theoretical subjects in the physics curriculum with extensive teaching in quantum mechanics. The pic below shows the class of Special Relativity & Classical Field Theory during my final years of teaching in UPM.

After many years of undergraduate teaching, I found myself 'stuck' thinking at the level of undergraduate (theoretical) physics. It was then, I conciously become aware of the need of reseearch-level thinking and I began to take many graduate students. Unfortunately there was no elaborate postgraduate-level courses for theoretical physics apart from Advanced Mathematical Physics (even this, it is more often reintroducing some of the undergraduate topics taught at a more technical level. Thus, my postgraduate 'teaching' is often limited to personal interactions and group meetings with my students, and had to depend upon the curiosity level of the students themselves. Due to my own experience as a postgraduate student, I tend to take student independence as part of the training. I was told by Dr. Toh, this might not be suitable for everyone and indeed some students did not quite finish their studies. In my final years of undergraduate teaching, I began to introduce independent reading list from mostly journals, for students to do (critical) reviews as assignments. I wasn't sure what impact it has on students since this was only given in a few (final) semesters. I do hope it has instlled some interest of students in theoretical physics and perhaps the idea of independent self-study.

As I have said above, I consider myself more as a student than a teacher and I'm pretty sure there are many shortcomings in my teaching (May Allah forgive me). Studying theoretical physics is not easy and one has to work very hard. As an average Malay (student), I certainly had to overcome (cultural) inhibitions and inferiority complex. I remember vaguely my late mum was telling me the story of what she heard during her pilgrimage (I think) from someone academic who was in the same pilgrimage, saying that it was 'rare' for a Malay to take up theoretical physics. I certainly would like to push back such stereotype. Yes, it is hard work but it is not impossible. I would say, if me as an average student can do it, then others should be able to do so. I leave with some pictures of slides that I had prepared for a workshop for academic advisors early in my career.