Yours Insignificantly

Ever since we got back from Kuching, most of us were just relieved that the travel was over and we are now facing the (financial) consequences. Not only that, my other half was down with fever and bad cough. She was already having a bad cough before the travel as she was seeing several patients who had influenza (and even covid) the week before. The tiring travel and then the bad haze must have worsened her physical condition. So yesterday we went to the clinic to get an RTK kit to test for influenza and alhamdulillah it was negative, which means the current ill spell is from bacterial infections.

So today, we decided to get some stronger antibiotics from the clinic where she did part time as well as dropping off the Sarawak layer cake that she bought for her staff there.

On the way to the clinic, she received a message from her friend (used to be her business partner when she works in Port Dickson) that her younger sister has passed away. We decided to travel all the way to UPM mosque where the funeral prayers will be conducted.

Being there, it brought back memories of my long service in the university. All seemed come to nought. Even when I did my frequent scientific reading and note-taking, I have doubted myself on what use of it. I contemplated on making side income from my writings to help me pay bills and support the family but I doubt whether people will be interested in them. Over the years, I've run my blogs to collect small donations and have run adsense, but I could not even get over the minimum for getting a payment. Scrapped the idea. Some colleagues asked me to write a biography but I don't feel that I'm that important or significant. 

Being in the mosque, maybe I should just focus on my next life. Even then, I have not done enough and fear all the deeds that I do will be thrown to my face. As we have left the house vacant during our Sarawak trip, I felt that I could not protect the family from spritual disturbances, despite my recitation of Surah Al-Baqarah every now and then. All that I have now is just hope and prayers.

I took over the wheel on our journey home to find myself rather tired and having leg cramps thereafter. What hope is there left with this old age.