Monday, March 23, 2020

After the Long Pause, the Long Break

Have not been posting here for more than two months. However with many things happening, I thought I should restart so that I can make some records in this blog of important things happening. During the long pause, went through ups and downs, do some soul-searching but after awhile one just need to move on and tries one's best for the future. Below, I'll jot down in point form some main events that have passed.
  • January 16: Quantum Yi-Jing Sdn Bhd agreed to contribute financially to cover EQuaLS expenses.
  • January 17: Presented a talk on Mathematical Routes to Quantum Theory in INSPEM Weekly Seminar, a regular weekly event of the institute. Have always thought that one should attach more importance to this event.
  • January 20: Discussed on how to revamp our courses including that of quantum mechanics. Thinking of three-part course. Others, a course on quantum information science (advanced undergraduate or postgraduate)

  • January 23: Started to be concerned of the Wuhan Coronavirus outbreak since we have an international event EQuaLS2020 planned.
  • January 24: Shocked to know that school colleague, Prof. Dato' Mashitah Mohd Yusoff (former Deputy Vice-Chancellor of University Malaysia Pahang) passed away due to cancer. Didn't know she had the illness.

  • January 25: Wuhan Coronavirus arrived in Malaysia with three confirmed cases from tourists of China.
  • January 29: Dr. Athirah's PhD student Suzila Mohd Kasim viva examination. Her work is on commuting graphs of finite groups.
  • January 30: My son and my other half rescued a kitten from a drain. Later to be our new furry family member Koko

  • January 31: WHO declared China's virus outbreak an international emergency.
  • Within January, had several episodes of back pain. Was worried about EQuaLS planning, whether we have enough time or not. Sometime in January, we had postponed the event from February to March 2020. Also, all the while, was following the Wuhan virus outbreak.
  • February 2: Sent my other half to the airport as she went for umrah with her sister's family. So it was then me, the eldest, my third son (still in semester holiday) and the youngest. My second son is already working in Pulau Indah.


  • February 3: Finally received message from my other half in Medina. They are safe and well there.
  • February 7: My other half now in Mecca.




  • February 5: Made some decisions on what to teach for Advanced Mathematical Physics this upcoming semester. See circled region below.

  • February 9: Send back my third son to college in IIUM, leaving myself, my eldest and the youngest.
  • February 10: The new semester starts. I'm teaching 'Special Relativity & Classical Field Theory' and 'Advanced Mathematical Physics'.
  • February 11: Decided to use Szekeres' book "A Course in Modern Mathematical Physics" as a guide.
  • February 13: My other half came back home from her umrah. Was having cough and slight fever.
  • February 15: Update my graduate course notes as blog posts in Ketchup Spills.
  • February 17: Finally received the formal green light from ICTP (Kate Shaw) for our EQuaLS2020. Thus it will be part of Physics Without Frontiers program at Malaysia.
  • February 18: Went to INSPEM workshop at Zenith Hotel Putrajaya.
  • February 19: Attended a farewell gathering for me as INSPEM Deputy Director. Currently Dr. Rezal is taking up the duties of the Director. Still can't understand why there is no appointment of a new director. Some photos.









  • February 20: Final Skype meeting with Kate Shaw from ICTP. ICTP put up a website for EQuaLS2020 at http://indico.ictp.it/event/9329/overview
  • February 21: Start making my own preliminary announcement of EQuaLS2020. Still has issue of one more speaker and Areeya's flight out of Australia (due to Covid19 outbreak).
  • February 22: Went to Ismail Budin's son's wedding. Met school-mates there.







  • March 6: We have started discussing internally whether one should continue EQuaLS2020 when there was already an increase of Covid-19 infection in Malaysia from the Tabligh cluster. See https://www.outbreak.my/. At the time we already had 34 participants. The decision then was to continue with precautionary measures and we had the green light from the university's Health Centre. Was following the development of the outbreak since then. At this stage, I was also look at how other events are being held and looked for consistency.
  • March 10: Had our last meeting for EQuaLS2020. Explain rationale of continuing and if there are any other concerns, should be discussed with me.
  • March 11: Received concerns by the institute management of EQuaLS2020. Felt being sabotaged. Had to take the day off as my other half went for a heart check-up.
  • March 12: Finalised EQuaLS2020 programme. The last day will have a forum on Quantum Information Science in South-East Asia. Afternoon: M.Sc. viva examination for Dr. Chan's first graduate student, Mohamad Hanif.

  • March 13: All speakers have booked their flights and have given their itineraries. In the afternoon, members of the Department raised concern on EQuaLS2020. Finally before the office hours end, we receive instruction from the university to halt all activities irrespective the size of the gathering (ours was just a normal class size). My heart sank and finally gave up. Emailed speakers thereafter asking them not to board their flights (which was just on the coming Sunday). This will probably be my last attempt - will now pass the baton to my younger colleagues.




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Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Varia: 2020 First Post Break

My first post for 2020. If there is anything that I called my new year resolution is perhaps putting on the brakes on social media, identifying time-wasters and anything that dulls the mind. This is my attempt to put my life in order. For this, I hope to do the following:
  • I will open up my FB at certain scheduled free times (I used to have them open as a tab on the browser). Scrolled down most posts, only to read useful and interesting things and respond to friends if necessary.
  • Read e-mails at scheduled times. Turn off notifications.
  • Turn off WhatsApp Web tab and ignore notifications, when meeting with students and others. 
  • Minimise use of mobile phones during meals or meeting to encourage face-to-face interactions
I hope people don't get offended if I don't respond to their messages immediately. For the last one, I will probably give certain exceptions particularly in meetings when one's role is reduced to simply ensuring the quorum is met or something equivalent. 

Just before the new year, I have saved the following link on things written by scientists for later reading: https://www.sciencemag.org/careers/2019/12/our-top-essays-scientists-2019. I will comment on the first piece on coffee break (https://www.sciencemag.org/careers/2019/10/why-scientists-should-take-more-coffee-breaks). The article writes about cultural differences of coffee breaks in Canada and France and their roles in setting up organic environments for informal scientific interactions. What about here? We do have plenty of breaks - noticeable by our international speakers or participants in many of our events but these are not the one I'm aiming for. Conferences and workshops are already geared for (formal) scientific interactions. It is day-to-day informal interactions that are of interest. When I was a PhD student, I notice staff and students of Department of Mathematical Sciences in Durham University will have their coffee breaks at 10 am religiously. They had some staff preparing coffee for everyone. In my short stay in Imperial College, breaks are spent in the departmental cafes. Here, we have cafes scattered everywhere in campus but they tend not to be tied up to any departments or faculties. Researchers do take their breaks mostly individually or at best, with close peers. For informal interactions, the researchers at best only do this with their close peers or even only brood alone. Thus, it was perhaps a disappointment when I first came back home, not having seen a similar culture of getting together for informal scientific interactions. I see people more in meetings than in any other way. Even for me who is now near retirement, I take most of my breaks alone, enjoying my meals and finishing them as soon as possible to get back to work (do not like lepaking - a Malay word that seems to get into the modern English despite they have the word loitering). I have essentially come to accept that there is no such priority here.

There are attempts of course to change this. I remember once our director of institute suggested that we should have regular coffee at our 'Bilik Sarjana' (coffee prepared by Pn Manomani), which went on for awhile among management members. However, we simply do not have the critical mass because our number is small (seven at best). If a few of us decided not to come or busy with something else, then it may reduce to just me and the director. Another attempt is with my own group through our weekly group meetings on Thursday afternoon. This meeting has one of us presenting on something of our own interest to the group members followed by very light 'lunch' and informal discussion. In a way we have maintained this so far. We have tried to increase the frequency to twice a week but it was taxing to many of us. The time being during lunch time was also purposely done to accommodate our busy times during normal office hours. I hope this will continue even later in my absence. To me, this meeting help us not to feel lonely while we pursue our research and occasionally might even spur up some collaborations. Here are some pics:







The last pic is with Mr. Hoe Chee Liang from Cita Education, who from time to time has helped support us.

Currently, I hope to start another group meeting with fellow experimentalists much due to our forthcoming projects with CyberSecurity Malaysia. We have not really started but I hope we will grow to accept this tradition. The idea is again to help spur informal discussions among us.

Talking about traditions, I'm happy to see that INSPEM has maintained a weekly seminar tradition, which is essentially more difficult to maintain with diverse interest among the researchers of the institute. Perhaps out of envy, I find colleagues from other places making jeering remarks like INSPEM Seminar for the umpteenth time. Let us be, we are not doing this for money (which tends to be a trend to organize workshops for, rather than the knowledge) or even fame (being regular, it has already become something that people get used to). The only snag to this activity is that sometimes it degenerates to a gathering of INSPEM students. I hope this can change in the future, During Prof. Akma's time, we have made sure that presenters are going to be mostly academics from within or from outside. For instance, we had Jesni from IIUM to give the last seminar in 2018 (see pics below).





This week will be my turn it seems - the talk I chose is essentially is the talk meant for the Sarawak APPC conference - but I need to beef this up.


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Tuesday, December 31, 2019

57 in 2019

Yes, I've celebrated my 57th birthday in 2019, which means I have another around three years left of service before my retirement. Now some commented that they thought I have another ten years to go. Well, thank you. I take that as a compliment. In reality, I feel really aged. Here are some pics taken me celebrating.



Somebody commented why I do not smile in the pic above. Well, at the time, I was suffering a severe back pain. The pic below show the first take - with me squinting my eyes trying to bear the pain.


After the pics taken, had a slice of my cake eaten with some pain-killers. It is now quite frequent that I get bad episodes of back pain nowadays. I can even 'hear' bones or tendons cracking while I make certain motion. I have accepted that I will have to live with this; just need to manage it.

Drawing near to my retirement, I had mixed feelings about it. Part of me felt that I need to do so much more but another part wanted me to rest. Prof. Wan Mahmood (have retired) whom I met a few days ago, told me that when one retires, soon one will really appreciate the working life. In a way, I do hope I will retire with my mind still very active and hope that I will not go senile at old age and be a burden to the family. If I need to go, I hope it will be swift.

I'm trying to prepare myself for retirement in a way. Brought journals from home, which I had subscribed (Reviews of Mathematical Physics, Journal of Geometry and Physics, Science) to my 'temporary' office, so that I can donate these to the theoretical physics lab in the department. If I'm not mistaken, I have already given away my International Journal of Modern Physics A and Modern Physics Letters A collection to the lab. I hope that I will still be active in some form or another after retirement (maybe on consultation), and thus still uncertain to give away my (theoretical physics and mathematics) book collection. I hope to acquire new skills (e.g. programming) so that I can still be useful to some people then and perhaps still earning some income.

Spoke to my students about what scientific legacy will I leave behind. I hope the theoretical physics group (used to be nonexistent) will continue to survive the competitive environment despite being a minority. I very much hope that my younger colleagues will continue to ensure that the group is sustainable and the tradition build over the years can stay. For the institute, I hope the new year will bring good news. I still have occasional nightmares about the institute but I hope I can grow out of it. I will continue to contribute to the institute but will not interfere with the management.

I will continue to better myself and will take past criticisms into view (some of which I still disagree). I will try to be more systematic while yet being creative in some ways. I hope to pay less attention to social media and do more reflections instead. I will work perhaps with more of the hereafter in mind and thus worldly matters becomes secondary. Let's hope I have the strength do this consistently.


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Sunday, December 15, 2019

November End and Early December Varia

I am still trying to establish a stable work-pattern in the department. My graduate students have been seeing me more often and it is good that I have the current (temporary) whiteboard for us to discuss (still awaiting the right-sized whiteboard). I won't be able to know a good stable work pattern until I'm given a full teaching workload next semester but I hope I will still have more time for research as I need to graduate my current students and thus try to leave a good theoretical environment when I retire.

Occasionally, some people asked me what happen to my Deputy Director post at INSPEM. If possible, I will try to answer briefly (in line with this post). If they ask me further, of course, I have my side of story that I can tell but this does not invalidate my health reasons. Some do not believe this is the real reason. I certainly do not fake my health problems but perhaps there may be psychological reasons, which led to my predicament. In any case, I hope to grow fitter soon; I've walked and climbed stairs more ever since I'm back at the department. As far as I'm concerned, I'm happy to move on and focus more on things in the future that will help me in the hereafter. If some still have issues with me, we can still discuss in a civilised manner and work for amicable solutions or otherwise just let the matter go as I did. I have accepted the past as my fate even if I do not like it. Whatever stories they would like to hear, there are always many sides to a story and I've grown enough to be aware that one always reason contextually with whatever partial information that one has; thus the so-called truth is often grey.

One change that I'm conscious since I left is that I am less stressful when I drive to work and back. Even with the most annoying driver on the road, I tend not to get all worked up. I have also avoided working long hours at the office as I don't see the urgency to do so now. And it is good that I reach home well before Maghrib. I try to spend more time with the family as I should.

Recently the family lost Belang (November 28, 2019), one of the oldest cat that we had. We had sent Belang to the clinic and knew about his kidney failure. As his condition worsened, we sent Belang to the clinic again so that he gets a proper care, Just a day before we wanted to collect Belang from the clinic, the vet called saying that Belang is gone. My other half who is more attached to the cats, was very saddened that Belang did not spent the final hours at home. Here are some pics of Belang.





Not long after this, just two nights ago, we found another old cat of ours, Shaggy, was oozing blood from her mouth and nose. It was in the middle of the night when this happened and thus we had to wait till the next morning, for us to send her to the clinic. All we could do then was to clean her up. She has also been losing weight over the last month or so. The tests thus far shown no signs of anything sinister. We hope that she will be alright. In a way, I sort of miss Shaggy since she is always in the room with us.

Presently there are a few things on my mind. First, is the Physics Without Frontiers that we hope to do early next year. We are still finalising this matter but it will be in the form of EQuaLS resurrected with some changes. The other is the quantum project we wished to do for the 12th Malaysia Plan. This will probably be something that will occupy my time before I retire. I hope it will be something good that I will leave behind. This coming week, we will have an INSPEM event which I hope to attend and a few days after, I will turn 57. Hoping of good things to come.
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Friday, November 29, 2019

Settling Down in Physics Department

Many times in the past, my other half said to me to give up my administrative post and go back to Physics Department which I have left unattended for so many years. This time I did it. If not for my medical leave last week, I would have gone back to Physics Department last week. It was only Wednesday this week, that I reentered my old office. To my pleasant surprise, my younger colleagues and students have helped clear my room. Despite this, I may not be able to stay long in the room whose air-conditioning is no longer functioning. So my younger colleagues suggested that I occupy the office for guests of the department, which I did. I understand that this is temporary. Hopefully the airconditioning in my old office will be fixed sometime early next year. I had already been told that there will be a guest from China who works on operator theory and quantum computing this coming Jamuary. So I won't get too comfortable in the current office - just need a place for privacy and to do my own work.



Somebody asked me how is life when not holding any administration post. I must say it is a relief - in the past, I feared so much that people will blame me for what is happening to the institute. Now, have made way for my younger colleagues to fully decide what's best for the institute. Even so, I will be there for the institute if needed (like this morning for the audit). I still have some commitments with the institute through research project and students. Perhaps even larger commitment is for the new initiative with CyberSecurity Malaysia. What is most delightful for me at this stage is that I do not have to attend many meetings like I used to. I intend to use up this time for more research and teaching (hopefully after I'm feeling better).

Another pleasant development during this shift to Physics Department, is that they have found the photo album of pictures taken during my 2001 visit to Imperial College, hosted by Prof. Chris Isham. The visit was made possible by the Akademi Sains Malaysia-Royal Society Exchange Programme. Below are the pics with Prof. Isham himself and his postdoc Ioannis Raptis



I shared an office with Jussi Kalkkinen, a postdoc under K. Stelle.


Here are some other photos of us:






I rented a room in an apartment through the help of Prof. Isham. Here's the landlady


and a lady housemate


Pics of me at the apartment:



Here's the Theoretical Physics Secretary


I also met some Malaysians there studying in Imperial:



The visit was a real experience for me, particularly how far we are left behind in the area of theoretical physics. Jussi is a string theorist who uses gerbes, while Ioannis are using sheaves and topos for quantum gravity. At the time, Chris had already published papers on Topos Framework for Quantum Theory with Jeremy Butterfield. Two years later I invited Jussi Kalkkinen to ITMA to give some lectures in string theory. After I joined INSPEM, I invited Andreas Doering as a fellow. I must say we were not ready in both circumstances to have such researchers. It was my ambitious view then that I wanted some of the advanced and highly sophisticated mathematics to be introduced here. Perhaps we will take a few more generations for us to be ready.
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Sunday, November 24, 2019

19.11.2019

The above date is the day my son's convocation ceremony at UPM. It was the last session of UPM 2019 convocation and was held in the afternoon. That session too also saw me carrying my last duty as INSPEM representative as Senate member and they are usually seated on stage with the Pro-Chancellor, Vice-Chancellor and the DVCs.

I was also supposed to fly to Kuching for a conference that evening. My invited presentation was supposed to be on 20th November evening. Before I received the letter stating my final day as Deputy, I was also planning to attend a special Senate meeting on the 21st November. Thus I have booked my return ticket to Kuching accordingly to arrive back in the early morning of 21st. Thus, if it did happen as planned, it will be a pretty hectic schedule.

So let me back track to one day earlier. Both me and my other half took leave in preparation for our son's convocation. We had two separate bags packed in preparation for my trip to Sarawak. Since we will be checking-in into the hotel after 2pm, my other half decided to go to the Ministry of Health in the morning to settle some of her work matters. We stopped by at IOI Mall to have lunch and tried something new: Mee Tarik Warisan Asli Restaurant




It was different from most things we had and enjoyed the meal (warning: the dishes come in large size). After lunch, we went to the Palm Gardens Hotel to check-in and rest.

During the night, I was feeling rather sick and started to cough badly. Took my meds immediately and trying my best to stay healthy for tomorrow but things do not turn out that way. My other half and son had to travel out of the hotel to find further medicine from the pharmacy. Initially, we thought it was something I ate. Then I remembered during check-in, the hotel staff appeared to have flu. Must have gotten from the person. My other half told me it must be an aggressive virus (e.g. like influenza B) since it did not take long to make me sick. Tried to stay up to complete my slides for the conference but failed miserably.

Come the big day, we tried to be early in UPM and use the INSPEM office (with permission). I wasn't feeling very good but forced myself to be there. As mentioned earlier, it was my last duty for INSPEM.


Before entering the hall, met Dr. Nurisya who was also part of the academic procession.


While on stage, I remembered, I was taking cough drops one after another to prevent me from coughing badly. Watched Zurita (my M.Sc. student) and Ihsan took their scrolls.


It seemed way too long till the convocation session ended. I was feeling really unwell then. We manage to get a few pics before I decided to leave.





As I walked back to the office with my other half, suddenly I found myself short of breath and could not move further. My other half sought INSPEM driver Fiezul's help to fetch me and then the spontaneous suggestion that I'll be brought to UPM Medical Centre. Over there, fearing I was experiencing a heart attack, I was rushed to Serdang hospital. At the time, I asked my wife to message Prof. Kuru to inform him of the situation. At the hospital, I was given morphine to relieve me of any pain and that totally knocked me out. When I was conscious, I couldn't barely stand. I fell twice in the toilet unaided. The emergency room was full to the brim and I saw patients bedded along corridors. There were just too many patients for the staff to heed my call for help. I was in the emergency room all the while until the next day when the specialist doctor told me my heart seems fine and I'm probably having problems due to the infection. He told me it was best for me to rest at home since there weren't any beds or wards available for me, to which we agree to do so.

Even as I arrived home, I was all groggy and could not stand up without losing balance. So much of the day, I was just resting in bed. It is certainly something that I wish I will not experience again. Physically, I'm still weak coupled with my back pain. I have taken a few more days leave for me to grow stronger. My sons all got infected and had fever right after we got home, showing aggressiveness of the viral infection. I had to discourage my students from visiting me at home so that they won't get infected. Luckily, my other half was spared from the infection thus far.

Finally I add another two pics from UPM that had my son in them and another two pics from Zurita.





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