57 in 2019

Yes, I've celebrated my 57th birthday in 2019, which means I have another around three years left of service before my retirement. Now some commented that they thought I have another ten years to go. Well, thank you. I take that as a compliment. In reality, I feel really aged. Here are some pics taken me celebrating.

Somebody commented why I do not smile in the pic above. Well, at the time, I was suffering a severe back pain. The pic below show the first take - with me squinting my eyes trying to bear the pain.

After the pics taken, had a slice of my cake eaten with some pain-killers. It is now quite frequent that I get bad episodes of back pain nowadays. I can even 'hear' bones or tendons cracking while I make certain motion. I have accepted that I will have to live with this; just need to manage it.

Drawing near to my retirement, I had mixed feelings about it. Part of me felt that I need to do so much more but another part wanted me to rest. Prof. Wan Mahmood (have retired) whom I met a few days ago, told me that when one retires, soon one will really appreciate the working life. In a way, I do hope I will retire with my mind still very active and hope that I will not go senile at old age and be a burden to the family. If I need to go, I hope it will be swift.

I'm trying to prepare myself for retirement in a way. Brought journals from home, which I had subscribed (Reviews of Mathematical Physics, Journal of Geometry and Physics, Science) to my 'temporary' office, so that I can donate these to the theoretical physics lab in the department. If I'm not mistaken, I have already given away my International Journal of Modern Physics A and Modern Physics Letters A collection to the lab. I hope that I will still be active in some form or another after retirement (maybe on consultation), and thus still uncertain to give away my (theoretical physics and mathematics) book collection. I hope to acquire new skills (e.g. programming) so that I can still be useful to some people then and perhaps still earning some income.

Spoke to my students about what scientific legacy will I leave behind. I hope the theoretical physics group (used to be nonexistent) will continue to survive the competitive environment despite being a minority. I very much hope that my younger colleagues will continue to ensure that the group is sustainable and the tradition build over the years can stay. For the institute, I hope the new year will bring good news. I still have occasional nightmares about the institute but I hope I can grow out of it. I will continue to contribute to the institute but will not interfere with the management.

I will continue to better myself and will take past criticisms into view (some of which I still disagree). I will try to be more systematic while yet being creative in some ways. I hope to pay less attention to social media and do more reflections instead. I will work perhaps with more of the hereafter in mind and thus worldly matters becomes secondary. Let's hope I have the strength do this consistently.