Working From Home in the Pandemic Last Week

All last week, it was really hectic. It was the last week of the semester and I was struggling to finish my Advanced Quantum Mechanics course. We were also asked to prepare our final exam questions that week for moderation and for each course, we were asked to prepare for two sets. Of course, with all the struggles I had, I was nowhere near the needed target. Kept pushing though. I was not sleeping right and my sleep patterns were pretty messed up; partly because I work better during the early morning hours. So during normal working hours, I was experiencing some sort of sleep deprivation.

During some of these early morning hours, I had time to reflect on my own achievements thus far. I felt I had not done much despite all my push. I was overly sensitive on what people say, some of which triggered unpleasant memories. Let me say this outright; I have always tried to focus my thoughts to be future oriented since thinking about the past tend to make me more depress. But some events triggered memories. Here, I want to explain some of these. On my resignation as Deputy Director, it was not out of protest but my concern for my own health. I remembered somebody up in the higher management making the remark as if implying me 'fighting the university' or in the protest route. Sincerely that's not it. Some then might say my resignation may be considered selfish. I would rather say it's the opposite; I'm letting go because there were signals I was not wanted at the institute, top and bottom, left and right. So with me out of the way, it solves simultaneously the problems of me not being wanted and my own health concerns. Anyway, I'm revealing all these because I do not want myself to be misunderstood by friends. Like I have once remarked, I accept this all as fate and was trying my best to leave my past behind and move on. By doing so, I do tend to do things differently to cut off my past (which is again open to misinterpretation).

Another factor that was hitting me rather badly is this ongoing movement control order. Even though there are others whose lives are hit harder by the pandemic and the MCO, I think the deterioration of livelihood cuts across all spectrum of the society. I realised my monthly spending is actually higher (despite of  the no-travel to work situation) during these times. Electricity and water bills will at least go up by 200%. If one truly stayed at home, one also finds that all the online food ordering costs are huge. Of course, one can save by cooking but since my other half is literally working (and only at home during late evenings) and me trying to save time, online food ordering was the best option. Note that all my kids are at home and I wanted to make sure that they are well-fed. For myself, I tend to eat just to make my hunger disappear. Another 'minor' thing: given my supply of medication has run out (earlier supplied by the university's health centre), now I have to get these on my own expenses.

The current swell of infection impacted a lot on all our lives. In the early days, I was following up the daily new cases but I knew this depends on how much testing was made (way back in the first MCO). Right now, I tend to follow the number of new deaths and the hospital capacity and my last check, it was not that good. On the livelihood part, the travel restriction impacted all businesses and clinics are not spared from this. My other half recently had to take a swab test because one of the patients coming to the clinic was Covid-19 positive. Luckily her test results was negative (known just last Friday). However yesterday evening, one of her staff was found to be positive, not because of exposure within the clinic, but due to a family member working in the factories where there was an outbreak. Now, the positive result is despite that all staff of the clinic were vaccinated much earlier on (Phase I). Due to this, my other half will go for another swab test today and the clinic has to close for at least ten days. I do hope that the factory where the source of the infection is, will also get the same treatment of temporary closure. Life may not seem fair but God willing, we will get by.

Also last week, I participated (virtually) in this conference on Logic, Quantum Computing and Artificial Intelligence. I was surprised to know that Xiamen University, Malaysia was one of the co-organizer. There were many familiar names in the conference that I have followed. Learned many new things there.