More Than 30 Years

Sometime on Wednesday, I saw an email on Majlis Gemilang Putra and was simply curious on the recipients of awards in this ceremony. The awards are given to staff showing excellence and its pretty difficult to get on this list (I was not expecting anything). Apparently my name was on the list for Anugerah Bakti Putra (see below). This is given to those who has been in UPM service for more than 30 years.

Thereafter, there was a barrage of congratulatory messages on the Department's WhatsApp group initially for those who got their excellence awards and those who have retired. I guessed then, nobody cared that my name also appeared in the list of awardees, particularly I have been away from the department for so long, to be with the institutes (ITMA then INSPEM). If the absence of mention was prolonged, it will confirm my paranoia view that I was less liked or being ignored. (Un)Fortunately, Prof. Sidek (who was also a recipient for Jasa Putra award), broke the silence and congratulated me in the WhatsApp group. Thereafter, got further congratulatory messages from the rest.

Would it matter if no one noticed? Being a social being, certainly yes as I felt that I've struggled to be accepted for the work that I do on theoretical physics, be at the physics department or the institutes (being a minority). I would have carried on regardless (like I used to anyway) because to me it is a sense of duty to put theoretical physics in place in UPM. Also, I would not want anyone else to have that feeling, so it is important to make this known. The burden was heavy and difficult and any ounce of encouragement would actually help.

So what was there during this long duration? I joined UPM in March 1985 after a brief stint of Diploma of Education at Maktab Perguruan Temenggung Ibrahim (a teachers' college) in Johor. I was on a Ministry of Education scholarship for my B.Sc. (Hons.) degree and was meant to be a teacher. However, I had my eyes on research and thus applied for a position in USM, UKM and UPM. The former two was because I knew there were theoretical physics pursued there. I'm not sure why I missed out UM but perhaps I thought there would be more chances elsewhere. The first offer was made by UPM, which I immediately grabbed the opportunity (slightly later came UKM's offer). So I was at the college only for a few days or probably a week or two (can't remember). I joined UPM as a tutor and was already teaching diploma courses and doing tutorials. I remembered being assigned to design a course on biophysics since I was placed in the lab of Dr. Salleh Harun. Despite having done Mathematical Biology with Prof. J. Mazumdar, I almost know nothing about putting up a course for biophysics. Was also designing experiments for the diploma program. At the same time, I searched for places to do a postgraduate degree. I applied for Part III of Mathematical Tripos at University of Cambridge for which I got the offer. There was a slight complication then because Part III just gave me a Certificate of Advanced Diploma (it was later recognised as a Masters degree in 2011) and there is the expectation for me to do PhD in Cambridge University itself.

So I went to Cambridge in September or October of 1987. I was pretty confident in the beginning given the mathematical physics courses I took in University of Adelaide. However the level of competition here was something else. Spent most of my nights awake, trying to stay on top of all the courses. By the time the results were out in 1988, I got the certificate successfully (some of my friends did not) but was not successful to be considered as a graduate student at DAMTP. I did get an offer to continue with Mark Warner at Cavendish. However, my research interest was elsewhere. Finally took up the offer at Durham University to work under Richard Ward - the other offer was with Ray Streater in King's College. So I moved to Durham in 1988 and did my PhD until December 1990.

Upon returning to UPM, I was told to move to Bintulu campus to teach diploma courses. I was made a fellow of the Second College in Bintulu. So I spent only around three semesters there, since I appealed to go back to the main campus for various reasons. I was back in the main campus in 1992 and got confirmed for the position in 1994. Before getting married in 1993, I was a fellow of the Sixth College. After my other half finished her housemanship, she was stationed in Seremban and we moved there. There was a brief period during which we stayed in Port Dickson since she was later transferred there. Situations forced us to move back to Seremban and been here ever since.  I was asked to apply for Associate Professorship a few years after coming back to Serdang, and got the position in March 2000. I was also briefly the Faculty of Science webmaster in 1997-1998. Under the invitation of Prof. Makhdzir Mardan, I was made a fellow of the newly established Multimedia Institute in 1999 until 2002. In 2002, I joined ITMA as head of laboratory since I was asked to establish a new theoretical laboratory. I was also given the responsibility to head the Publications Committee there. The lab 'merged' with INSPEM in 2006 due to restructuring of the institutes. I took Head of Laboratory position again in INSPEM in 2007. In 2012, I was given the position of Deputy Director of INSPEM until my resignation in 2019. During that period, I was also the Editor-in-Chief of Malaysian Journal of Mathematical Sciences from 2015 to 2018. Now I'm back at the Department of Physics as a normal academic staff. My official retirement date will be in December 2022. All these years, I considered it as my mission to keep theoretical physics alive in UPM and I was hoping then to establish 'high-level mathematics' collaboration with mathematicians but this was harder than I thought. There were many things that I wished I could do but time (& space) is just not on my side.

So yesterday, I got my certificate for Bakti Putra award (see below). Alhamdulillah, I am most grateful for this award and thanking UPM for the trust and opportunity.