Award, Upcoming Retirement and the Talk

Sometime last week, I received a call regarding an event whether I can be present or not. It is Majlis Gemilang Putra for 2022 (held yesterday) where staff are given awards for their work. It seems that I was one of the recipient for Jasa Putra award.

I was told to be early for the ceremony. Given that our traffic tend to be unpredictable, I decided to go to campus early yesterday, almost after Fajr prayers. Manage to get a bite or two, to make sure that I will have energy during the ceremony. I managed to arrive in campus before 7.30am. Given the advice that I should be early at the Main Hall, I began my walk to the hall at 7.45am. On arrival, I thought I was too early.

The event actually started roughly more than an hour later. Luckily, the Jasa Putra awards were given quite early in the ceremony after the JasaMu Dikenang awards given to relatives of staff members who have passed away. So, here is my picture accepting the award (taken by my ex-PA in INSPEM)

There were supposed to be others from the Faculty who should be receiving the same award but apparently they are not there, apart from Nik Afida.

I am happy to receive the award and much indebted to the university as a place where I have built my career on. It is nice to know, once in a while, that our work is being appreciated by others. Most of the time, we tend to have our self-doubts on how much we have done and whether it means anything to anyone. One thing I know is that when I join UPM (during an interview), I wanted to establish theoretical physics in the university and I think I have achieved this to a certain extent (maybe not as much as I wanted to). Putting myself down to earth, I am aware that the award is given to those who have retired or about to retire in 2022. Other awards are more distinguished in the sense that they are given to those who are very excellent in their work. 

Some people asked me what are my retirement plans. Let me say leaving the university for me is not easy; I have still desire to live up my scientific dreams and was hoping that it is realised within UPM. On the other hand, I have done what I can and I have to grow still, perhaps explore other avenues to realise whatever ambitions I have left. Despite what others might think, I am not a quitter and whatever decision I have made in the past is based on arising circumstances. I have learned a lot, being part of management of the various institutes, and the experience has broadened my horizon. To my younger colleagues, my advice is to practice patience and resilience. If I had been a quitter, I would probably have left theoretical physics altogether. Reality in universities today (local or abroad) are faced with new challenges (often self-created and self-propagated) and it does not tally with the traditional university and idealism one used to have in our youth. Work based on facts and not emotions, but use emotions (passion) to drive important and long term matters. Place respect where they are due; most academics are as talented as one is but it is always circumstances that make us modify our thoughts and eventually bury talent and creativity. Worse, when our ego gets in the way. In matters of disagreement, always keep this in mind. It is often easy to go on the complaining mode without having a clue on how constructive can one be when faced with undesirable problems. This article could help us with such a predicament.

Perhaps after retirement, I suppose, one of the things I could do is to give talks to the younger generation. For instance, this upcoming Sunday, I will be giving a talk at an undergraduate conference (see poster below). I was a bit surprised that I was invited because I don't consider myself that good of a speaker particularly on a general topic. I even asked them whether they would like to consider younger theorists instead. This is in part due to I still have bit of work left to do (one PhD thesis to examine and another to chair, my own students to graduate and a few projects in mind). Nevertheless, I have agreed and currently reading some materials to build ideas on.

Meeting My Side of the Family

Our early 'Eid days are spent in Segamat at my sister-in-law's place. On returning home to Seremban, the first 'Eid weekend had my in-laws returning their visit. It was only on the second 'Eid weekend, that I got to meet my side of the family. My sister-in-law Aishah (wife of my late brother Ahmad Tajuddin) held a Yasin and tahlil reading for our family members that have left us. Here are some pics:

The last pic is me with my youngest elder brother who is a musician; it has been quite a while since I saw him face-to-face and I was delighted that he was able to attend the event. Going back home after the event, something not so good happened. Our car was almost knocked by another car whose driver was playing with his phone. My eldest son who was driving the car was furious. Indeed we all are then, but it is important not to make the incident influenced us the whole day. These days, I tend to turn on the Qur'anic mp3 I had (with translations) while driving, to always calm me down,

The last weekend was another occasion of us meeting my side of the family when my sister and niece held an open house event. Here are some pics.

Here is our family group photo.

It is a pity that my two youngest sons could not be there for these two functions as they are at their respective colleges. Indeed, our half-semester started just after the Eid (first) week, and thus, the only time that we can move around is during the weekends.

Worries Abound

Presently, we are back to four of us in the house with our two youngest sons are back in their colleges. My second youngest drove his own car back to IIUM campus last Sunday, while me and my other half drove back our youngest back to UiTM campus in Jasin. Apparently, the campus canteen was still closed when we were there, and so we brought him out for lunch in Merlimau. Here is a pic of him before we left the campus.

The Saturday before, we had visitors to our house from our in-laws. On their return back to their homes, one family had positive Covid-19 test results. That startled us a bit. So, we started our own testing. My third son in IIUM is tested positive and is now under quarantine. For us, in the house, none of us have tested positive. This is my own test result.

I was worried a little bit since I have been feeling very tired all this week, unsure because of the travel and/or our current Syawal fasting. With the result(s), one worry is now out of the way. My hope is to get to meet my side of the family in these coming weeks.

Another worry is my graduate students. I hope they can graduate/do their viva before I take my leave for my retirement. One of the problems faced is to get the examiners for them. Despite what we have done, we are still far away from establishing ourselves in the international arena (that experts refer to us for certain topics). Often what we try to do is to find examiners who are within our contact network and the experts involved perhaps are aware of what we are trying to explore. Beyond this network, often results in the negative (not agreeing to examine).

Having said the above, breaking through the international scene is certainly not easy, particularly with all the intense competition. Even experts find such difficulties to make a breakthrough. I recall Bob's tweet in his attempt to put out diagrammatic reasoning for quantum theory. He even said in his public lecture here that there is an ego problem in the academia; how things tend to be more acceptable when they are made more difficult and not easier. I believe that most of us had the experience of one's article being declined publication simply because it is not interesting enough. Not known enough internationally sometimes make such events more probable. I have always advised my own students (and my own self), not every research results are deemed publishable. What more if the problem is considered as merely a mathematical exercise and hence the attempt to cloak them in much more technical language. On the other hand, I do understand the need to be more technical as science progresses with more difficult problems or the need to be more abstract as one digs deeper into the foundations. In fact, I do think our problems here are different; there is a tendency to evade difficult problems and go only for easier ones. This is the story of my life: trying to make theoretical physics to be more acceptable among our local community.

Recently, when Dennis Sullivan won the 2022 Abel Prize, I was 'surprised' there was very little coverage of the news in our local (social) media. Sure enough, Abel Prize is less popularly known than the Nobel Prize locally, but there seems to be even very little stir among local mathematicians about Dennis Sullivan's Abel Prize award (also true for earlier awardees). The topic for which Dennis Sullivan is awarded the prize is indeed technical, something that have stirred my interest in my PhD journey i.e. algebraic topology. So when the 2022 Abel Prize news came, I have been wanting to write something on some parts of his discoveries for our educated public here. This was only realized during the Eid holidays. I have been carrying around articles on rational homotopy theory, hoping to find a better way of describing it. Finally this came out. However, I felt it is rather a rushed job. Looking back, I thought I could have done better in explaining ideas about differential graded algebras in cohomology, piecewise linear manifolds where the theory is more relevant and many others (even the hand-drawn diagrams looked ugly). This would have made the article longer and if pursued, the article might not have seen the light of day. I certainly hope that the blogpost could spark some interests among local theorists or mathematicians. Yes, I know it does not contribute to my KPIs.

I guess I will continue writing such posts after I retire, just to bring unpopular topics upfront. I'm still unsure of my post-retirement future. Certainly I will continue to pursue my research interests only for my own satisfaction. Yesterday, I revealed some wishes or fantasies I have conjured up during Ramadhan to my younger colleague. I do wish I get some understanding of our Holy Qur'an as the ultimate miracle. Playful thoughts that I have entertained is the use of complex networks and grammar algebras to study the Qur'an. However, without mastering Arabic language, these will just be fantasies. In any case, I just want to be a better person in the hope that it helps me in the hereafter.

Early days in Syawal

I need to remember this day, 6 Syawal 1443 (May 7, 2022) to realize the day that I could have met my maker.

Rewinding back a few days earlier. We were mostly at sister-in-law's place in Bukit Siput with me and one of my son sleeping at Station Inn Hotel nearby. 

The second of Syawal saw many more of my in-laws coming to Bukit Siput. I was there until sometime after lunch since I wanted to rest. The pic below shows the group photo of the gathering (without me in the picture) plus pics of me as a grandpa playing with the kids.

The next day, two of my sons went back to Seremban as Ihsan (the second eldest) needs to go back to work. Here is their pic at my brother-in-law's place.

On that day too, I was having severe stomach-ache and had to get some medication from a nearby pharmacy. The suspect is simply food-poisoning since there were others who got it too (including my other-half). So thereafter, I tried to be careful of what I eat. We went to my brother-in-law's place later that evening.

For dinner that night, we just had burger from a stall nearby.

On 4th of Syawal, we went to Kluang for a wedding of the son of a close friend of my other half. Here is a pic of her with her close friends at the wedding.

After the wedding, we went straight home - my eldest drove the whole way back to Seremban and we reached home late in the afternoon since it was a slow crawl all the way.

On Friday, I went to Bank Islam to get a document for my retirement and also open an account for my youngest who applied for PTPTN. Thereafter I experienced again severe stomach ache, again perhaps from something I ate the day before. I skipped Friday prayers and rested most of the time. That night, my son bought tickets to watch Dr. Strange 2: Multiverse of Madness. I enjoyed the movie since it did not quite go the way that I have imagined and I love surprises. For me, I go to the movies to enjoy, not caring much for how logical it was or how good the actors or their CGIs are (not there as a movie critic, just fun family time).

After the movie, around midnight, I experience severe stomach pain but this time filling up my chest. Called out to my wife to get my nitroglycerin sublingual tablets and several minutes thereafter, the pain eased a little. So today, I woke up feeling a little fragile. We are having guests today, both my brother and my in-laws. So, went out a little to get some food. Tonight, I will continue to rest.

Eid 1443

Well, today we celebrated our Eid-ul-Fithri and was considered a surprise by many Malaysians as they were expecting it to be tomorrow. I already knew from my limited reading that there is always a possibility that Eid will be celebrated today but many considered this with low probability. This variability is because that we follow the rule of sighting of the 'new' crescent moon. According to this report, the new moon sighting was observed in one location (unconfirmed report, it was Labuan) yesterday. Given that Eid tends to be a big celebration and in Malaysia, this includes preparation of meals for families, relatives and visitors, many were caught off-guard yesterday. For us, it was mainly our plans to get back to my other half's hometown that got changed, from the evening on the eve of Eid to the morning of Eid itself. My second son was even working last night and came back from work only this morning. 

I do not follow all the technical details about the new (phase of) moon sighting but there were a lot of discussions online about it; most of which can be ignored but some are pretty interesting (more technical). My only regret is that some people are making a mockery out of this matter. Certainly, there is room for improvement but this is best left to those who are really in the field or who are serious of studying such matters (not the ignorant lot). I remember buying this book by Mohammad Ilyas, thinking that I wanted to learn some the intricate details associated with the Islamic calendar (I remember vaguely the question about the international dateline - see the review of a related book by the same author). I never really got to it. I guess, my question here, is how can we do better? Can we avoid the odd situation of Malaysia celebrating Eid a day earlier than Singapore, given that we are in the same time zone? Note that prior to 1982, East Malaysia had a different time zone from Peninsular Malaysia; would it make any difference assuming that the location of new moon sighting was said to be in Labuan (out of my ignorance). As I said, perhaps best left to the experts in the area (and I'll stick to mine).

Here are some pics and video for today's Eid's celebration.

Prior to Eid, we were worried about our cat Lofa who has difficulty beathing - we were told that there is inflammation of the lungs (see video below). So yesterday, we sent Lofa to a different vet who had more facilities to treat her.

So today, the clinic send this pic of her. Hope she is doing better; will be terribly sad if we lose her.

The Weeks That Were

We are in the last ten days of Ramadhan 1443 (today is 23 Ramadhan). Most Muslims will now tend to enhance their religious deeds during this time. Particularly, many hope to find the night of Lailatul-Qadr. Like everyone else, my simple wish is to be granted forgiveness and that I can maintain what I have been practising for this Ramadhan thereafter. Additional prayer is that my family will have a good life when I am gone. In this phase, I try my best to avoid negativities, difficult people though this is difficult.

An academic's work is never finished and goes beyond office hours. There will always be something to do (lectures, tests, seminars etc.) with research gaseous expansion. I'm not complaining but merely trying to say that we are not sitting idle. The fact that I'm almost retiring, there does not seem to be letting off and lightening up the burden. Indeed I am really desperate trying to graduate my present students. But on top of this, I have still to worry about the assets that were purchased under my name (as either Head of Laboratory or the Deputy Director). With the help of my younger colleagues, we have been trying to trace assets bought while I was at ITMA (this was around twenty years ago). Around two weeks ago, I was given a new list with relatively recent assets purchased while I was at INSPEM. I told my colleagues, if there is really a threat for us to replace lost assets (and they are not necessarily used by the person named), nobody would like to take up the positions of the Head or Deputy Director/Director in this case. I sincerely hope the manner that these things are handled will change, if so. As long as these matters are not settled, it would continue to trouble me. Right now, I'm very much dependent on others to help me because I do not personally have the whereabout details of the assets as they are normally used by others.

With the Ramadhan fatigue setting in, I was contemplating my post-retirement future. With age, I easily get tired though I have not let this deter my scientific passion. I do need to find a (paid) job after retiring to help me pay bills. Just two weeks ago, my youngest son informed me that his college bills has yet to be paid; the one that has been paid before was only his semester fees. So, with my recent dental treatment, car services and now the college fees on top of the regular expenses, this month's budget seems to be a bit tight. Currently, I do still have my third and youngest sons' education to cover. On a happier note, my youngest son seems to be settling well in the college. The only slight problem recently, was his bank card got blocked and we had to send him cash last Saturday. Hopefully when he is back for Eid holidays, the bank card matters can be settled. Here is a photo of my youngest with his room mates after Tarawih prayers.

Yesterday was also my second son's birthday. We bought him a cake for iftar the day before to have a simple celebration. (Note: to the Muslims, the day started with Maghrib - see here). Here are some pics.