61 and Goodbye 2023

About two weeks ago, I turned 61. It came at a time when I was still struggling in preparation of final examination of the subjects I'm teaching. So, it was not quite a joyous moment. Of course, the family made a little celebration where we had dinner at Belqis Restaurant, a local Arabic restaurant. It boasted of the chef was once a chef for the Sultan of Bahrain. 

As we went out of the restaurant, I saw they were also selling kunafa (take-away) that we have started to enjoy since our umrah trip. Perhaps at some other time, we will buy them when we have the cravings. The family has also bought me a cake and we had it two days later in the weekend.

In the past, I would have posted these pics on the social media. This time, I did not, given what is happening in the world and I had several times shied away from the social media. The social media began to evolve as a toxic place to be and I wanted to stay away from being a participant in the toxic activities. In many ways, I sincerely believe that the social media is not the place for any serious academic discussions despite as an educator, one would like to use this available platform to educate others and oneself (at times, I do discover some useful gems). Much of this is due to many are using the platform to boost their ego and create closed-minded followers. A lot of us (academics) have fall victim to this behaviour and I think it is time for us to stop the rot. As a seeker of knowledge, one should stop using knowledge to serve our ego/elite status but rather help others to reap benefits from one's possession of knowledge. It is clear that knowledge on its own does not guarantee one's God-consciousness or higher moral stance. It is also clear that the knowledge one has gained (by the Grace of God) is not purely the results of one's strive. Indeed, given the knowledge one possesses, that should have instilled better intellectual humility and not the other way round (and hence my despise for arrogance). The sad thing is the system we tend to set up for academia (rankings, promotion etc.), moves away from this. Here, one remembers this hadith on those who wish/ask for leadership.

On that note, one should state that it is precisely arrogance that led to the conflict in Filistin, the thought that one has more rights or entitlement than others, giving way to politics of dispossession; rights without accompanying responsibilities. Extending such arrogance led to current genocide, committing crimes against humanity with impunity. I do read comments/posts from those who support such atrocities but much of these are read with a sense of disbelief. I also saw many links to videos in support of the genocide to hasten the end times as if it is a good thing to look forward to. One comment that I've read from a 'respectable' intellectual, which I guessed it was in response to bombardment of hospitals, querying why are there so many hospitals in the small region of Ghazzah, perhaps implying luxury or undeserving for the (two million) population. What a disappointing comment. Even the small city that I'm living in, with only half a million population has so many hospitals, public and private. In any case, such arguments do not even justify the crime of bombing hospitals. Anyway, we are approaching 100 days of the 'war' (aggression) and the suffering of the people of Filistin is unimaginable. May Allah replace their suffering with better days ahead or/and with Jannah; for those who caused the suffering, may Allah bring them to their senses or be damned in the hereafter.

So, what are my plans ahead in the new year. As much that I want to rest, I still have to work and earn extra income to help support the family. I must say that I'm not sure that I will get reappointed. My inability to meet the deadlines for setting the final exams must have looked bad; I will leave this to the management if they still need me to teach at XMUM. In a way, the current appointment helped me get used to the hard work; teaching four hours in one day often left me exhausted and there are plenty of documentations to prepare. I felt bad not being able to meet the deadlines and certainly was stressed about it. In my thoughts, I would rather prepare properly the exam questions as needed, even though this may put me in a bad light. I do still want to be active scientifically and teaching thus far, help me brushed up on things that I have left for so long (and this is not as easy as it sounds). If things do not quite go my way, I will still try to be active at least for a few more years. I joked with my sons that may be I should start a (technical) podcast, though I remembered a well-respected local scholar said that he prefer not to be recorded and he is well-known more for his writings rather than his public appearance. I wonder what were his reasons. For me, as imperfect human, we do tend to make mistakes (and go uncorrected) when we do oral presentations. Another fear is that as we see in many regular podcasts, there is pressure to create content and the dynamics of intent becomes different from the original ones that had education in mind. In any case, I just want to be useful, recalling an advice by John Inkson as relayed by David Bradley in a comment in FB. May all of these be passed as good deeds for me in the hereafter.

Just to mention last Friday, I have completed my work on the final exams and went to XMUM academic office to send some documents there. Thereafter, we prayed Asr at the surau in the administrative block (there was heavy traffic going south) and then decided to have our early dinner at The Grind Coffee & Kitchen, right in front of XMUM.

Bidding farewell to 2023 and hope for better things in 2024.

Varia: 'Exam' in Progress

I have promised myself that I would not blog until I made significant progress with my preparation for the final exams of the two subjects I am teaching. Breaking partially this promise as I have one subject more to go. Pretty stressed up but as they say, only the person experiencing it knows the actual pain involved. Many things have gone past and I need to record them.

First, my involvement in PERFIK 2023. I was asked by the Program Chair to chair at least one session and I remembered this was asked even before I had officially joined XMUM as a part-time lecturer. I agreed to help but I did not know at the time, I was listed as a committee (and my role as advisor was only known to me after the event on checking the website - note my null affiliation).

It has been a while since I have joined any conference event. Perhaps the last one I attended was the one in India (see this post - actually I was unwell at the time). So one the day itself, I did my part though I must say on my mind, was the deadline for the final exam materials on the following Friday. The session I was chairing was on Astronomy and Theoretical Physics. 

Perhaps, some might say that chairing talks is an easy task but if one is really responsible is to note that (besides time-keeping) the heavy part is to encourage people to interact (ask questions). So if there are no questions from the audience, the chairperson might have to start the ball rolling. This requires one to be attentive to the contents of the talk. I asked a few questions myself in some of the talks and this was quite easy for me because I do want to learn something from the talks.

I still follow the genocide happening in Ghazza, Palestine. It has now reached almost 20,000 people killed and about two million people displaced. Simply madness. I have been listening to many podcasts and commentaries on this issue. Some include views of Refaat Alareer, reporting live from Ghazza. At the time I did not know that he was a UPM alumni (see news item here). After the pic below appeared, then I remembered about one piece of news of an academic staff being listed on the watchlist of the States denying the person's entry but the person contested the matter.

Some videos worth watching of Refaat are https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0RaHuEjqi0 and his poem "I Am You" here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZE7YnRIXtg. 

I do worry about our future if there is 'an end' to the present tragedy. There are news report that Ghazza has been used as testing ground for weapons. This includes an AI system called Habsora, to set up targets in Ghazza (certainly not the way AI should be used - somehow I was reminded of the film Minority Report). Some might wonder why I'm (still) posting on this issue. For me it is a significant event in our times and matters to me as a human and as a Muslim. If others do not want to highlight this matter, it is their choice and I have mine.

Other developments: Through Suhaimi Napis efforts, we got reconnected with Moha Lhousni, our colleague in University of Durham. I remembered having his thesis (see below) and we had many discussions then.

Just recently, Moha send us this photo. I was told it was during 'Eid and I believe it is at Parsons Field House (our accommodation).

Nest, was my meet with Dr. Yap Yung Szen who was at XMUM to give a guest lecture in Prof. Paterek's class. We chatted a bit about work, admin and stuff. He showed me a single qubit and a 10-qubit chip that he brought along for his lecture there.

Finally, some time last week, Dr. Nurisya told me that they have cleared my old office. I was hoping to do these myself but sometime earlier I was told to return the key to my old office. I hope there are no valuable stuff being thrown away. I did mention that I will donate some books (in Malay) andthesis to the theory group.

I have to thank them (Dr. Nurisya, Dr. Chan and the students) for this help.

Final Destination and Snake in the Backyard

Last week, I am reminded of our temporary place in this world, as my brother (and his sons) went around to visit and help tidy up the graves of our loved ones. He himself lost his other half just recently (last August). Here are pics of their graves.

My late father Zainuddin Udin (18 September 1924 - 2 November 1990)

My late mother, Habibah Daik (16 November 1928 - 13 July 2009)

My step mother, Zaharah Ibrahim (1 January 1935 - 26 August 1991)

My eldest brother, Aminuddin Zainuddin (17 November 1944 - 6 December 2021)

My second eldest brother, Zainal Abidin Zainuddin (16 June 1947 - 2 October 1997)

My third eldest brother, Ahmad Tajuddin Zainuddin (23 January 1950 - 16 May 2021)

His eldest son Nashruddin Ahmad Tajuddin passed away just slightly more than a month before (19 September 1978 - 30 March 2021).

This will be all our final destination in this world. Please let me die with a good ending in the pleasance of Allah s.w.t.

Last Saturday, we went to visit sister in law Aishah, wife of late Ahmad Tajuddin. Had brunch there. We were there nly with my eldest son as my other half went back to Segamat with my third son, to visit her sister whose husband was hospitalized for lung infections and heart problems. 

We also met Kak Aishah's elder sister there. Besides meeting them, I took the opportunity to salvage some books from my late brother's book collection before they are donated elsewhere. This is what I have got.

It seems that the second book was heavily used by my brother (plenty of bookmarks).

There were many more interesting books mainly on philosophy and management but I was already too shy to get that few (not sure when will I read it). With my eldest brother book collection, there would have been many more mathematics books, but unfortunately I did not have the opportunity to salvage any. May Allah forgive all of them and reward them with Jannah.

My other half's return to Segamat saw them (with my other two kids) having meals like below and picking up rambutans in the compound.

I didn't get to mention in my last post while my other half  was having a conference that our neighbour (a few houses away) saw a snake at their place.

The snake has been caught by Malaysian Civil Defence Department, shown in the video below).

We try to keep our backyard tidy (without too much vegetation) simply because of this reason.

I sincerely wish that my mind is as clear and tidy as this.

Student Evaluation, Conference Weekend, & Wall Shouts

During mid-week last week, I just got my students' evaluation for the subjects I'm teaching in XMUM and it was ok. I also received some criticisms (being slow, which I have mentioned here). On another point, I did introduce vector calculus at the beginning since they are very much used in electrodynamics. I do know that they are often taught elsewhere usually in the early years of the bachelor programme. But my main point of revisiting the topic was to introduce index notation, which could be used in electrodynamics. When I asked about index notation, I was told that they were not taught about this technique and thus my insistence to introduce it. When I was an undergraduate student, it was introduced by Prof. Green earlier in our theoretical physics programme (and done in an abstract sense). It also has great utility for (general) calculations. 

Anyway, I'm happy to improve my teaching wherever and whenever possible. I have also checked the second part courses of Electrodynamics and Mathematical Methods in Physics. Electrodynamics II seems to be more engineering in flavour and I hope that I will not be asked to teach this, if ever Xiamen still wants me to teach. Mathematical Methods in Physics II seems to be interesting because it is on differential geometry and (geometry of) Lie groups. I won't mind teaching this.

This weekend, we went to Melaka because my other half has a conference there. She was given a hotel room on Saturday (midway through the conference) by the organizers. We decided to book a room anyway from Friday until the weekend because partly she has to be there early morning Saturday but also we have to send back our youngest back to college in Jasin. So there we were there at Hatten Hotel on Friday late afternoon. The hotel is connected to Pahlawan Mall. Here we are (pic) trying to get to the mall for dinner via a connecting bridge.

We had our dinner in a restaurant there.

This is the view just outside the hotel and interestingly there is an MMA office nearby there.

My other half conference ends at 1pm today. We checked out of our rooms before 12 noon and thereafter we waited for my other half to meet us, in the meanwhile we were having snacks.

Leaving Melaka city, we send Izzuddin back to college and then travelled back to Seremban.

I still follow the development of the war in Middle East. Right now, there are over 12,000 dead in just slightly over a month. The latest news I heard that As-Shifa hospital was evacuated and that a UN-run Al-Fakhoura School was bombed leaving many children dead. I continue to share news items to my social media in the hope that there will be international pressure to halt this madness. I do try to read or listen or watch commentaries that carry opposite views to mine (with difficulty) and they can be classed into three:

• Rational-like arguments; most of these are easily countered with facts or shown to be inconsistent.
• Cringey arguments; often these are based on underlying assumptions that one side is more evil and the other more superior. Here, I tend to wonder how can that be that many are blinded with this colonialist mindset. What are the logics at play?
• Blatant horrifying racist arguments taken with no room for rational thoughts; often here I can't bear to listen/watch any of these.

How should one make judgements, so that one is rightly guided? While I'm a simple average Muslim, I do know of the Qur'anic ayat:

O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm for Allah , witnesses in justice, and do not let the hatred of a people prevent you from being just. Be just; that is nearer to righteousness. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what you do. (5: 8)

Another is the Golden Rule (which is well-known to non-Muslims alike)

Treat others as you would like others to treat you

These will act as constraints to our own biasness. Do the research needed. In this age of social media, it is very easy to do that but it also means it will be quite easy to be misled. On making mistakes, be humble enough to admit them and be quick about these (no to let one's ego to take over). I remembered sharing posts with my family members and later I knew these to be false, and thus I apologised and clarified the matter.

Perhaps one can listen to Anna Baltzer in her Ted Talk.

One should also watched her documentary "Life in Occupied Palestine".

While going through materials on the current war, I stumbled to this young talent MC Abdul. I recommend people to listen to his videos.

Peace to all.

Varia: Mid-Term Exam, Fruit Platter and Self Focus

The previous week has been busy for me since I need to put out mid-term exams for the subjects I am teaching. In a way, even my teaching preparation was put on secondary place. The questions need to be vetted by an assigned person in the department and I was rather late to do this. Besides the vetting documents, I had to fill in a specification table to see how the questions fit and map into the course learning outcomes and the programme learning outcomes. Normally one have these only subconsciously but here it gets explicitly mapped. Thus, quite a fair bit of things to do and hence the rush. I made changes according to suggestions arising from the vetting and finally got the questions 'approved'. Finally, the exam was conducted last Thursday.

I have another mid-term exam coming this Thursday for the other subject and I am still preparing. My mind is often filled with on what should be the exam questions and I figured I need to address one 'problematic' course learning outcome (else I will have to push this in the final exam or the continuous assessment). 

Last weekend also saw my other half going to a conference in Meru and she shared her room with her close colleague there. So we are left four of us at home; two of my sons came home then. We fetched our youngest son from college on Friday since the university gave a week long break for the Deepavali weekend. The highway then was already packed due to the upcoming long weekend. We had a 4pm lunch due to this.

On the way back home, there was heavy rain and there was a traffic jam due to an overturned lorry.

The next day, my third son came home and we had our dinner together (without my other half).

Elsewhere, my other half was in Meru with her colleagues.

On the war in the middle east, the current death toll has surpassed 11,000. I still can't imagine the situation there and the Palestinians perseverance facing all these calamities. To have a glimpse, here is an American nurse describing what was it like over there - see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk7iWgCk14U (and imagine how the real Palestinians are feeling). 

There are a lot of discussions on this 'war' and I tried to listen as much as I could for my own understanding (e.g. Sami Hamdi, a risk consultant from the International Interest) and developing my own perspective (if that is even possible). It is quite easy to oversimplify the matter given the arising emotional pressure. This is why I 've changed my FB cover photo to a tropical fruit platter. I can't imagine what kind of world will be left after this war. It is troubling to see some are hell-bent towards the end-times future scenarios (some indeed used this to justify the war). As a Muslim, we are often advised to not wish for this or for that matter, wish for our own death no matter what circumstances. It is better to focus on what have we prepared for our eventual certain death. Can anyone say that they are really prepared for this certainty?

Last night, I responded to a question of contemporary Muslim scientists that have been given international recognition (by Muslims and non-Muslims alike). Very much to my thought, we should not strengthen the stereotype that Muslims are backward (or worse, savages), not capable to contribute to civilization matters. So it was my little contribution to highlight lesser known Muslims that have indeed won prestigious scientific awards. And in my attempt to do so, I learned about Munir Nayfeh is an American Palestinian. I regretted not using his book to teach my current Electrodynamics course.

Perhaps we have yet to see is a Malay Muslim to reach such stature. We need to strive to be a good Muslim scientist (and whatever international prizes that one gets is a bonus, a reward that Allah give) and as a start, begin a healthy scientific tradition (and not be swayed by other intentions). Me, as an average person, and alhamdulillah I have tried to start something and the rest will lie with the younger generation of scientists.

Eldest's Birthday and World of Shadows

Last Wednesday, my eldest son celebrated his birthday. My other half recommended that we go to a Korean restaurant in Gateway, Seremban since my son has a liking for Korean food. She knew about this Oiso Restaurant when she met her friend there in the last weekend. Due to my limited diet, she checked out if there are dishes that I could eat and indeed there are. Together with my second son who just came back home from JB, we went there for lunch. Here are some photos.

The restaurant owner (a Korean) actually came out to meet us and handed me a traditional Korean hat and thereafter offered to help take the picture of us together. 

While on the point of my limited diet, let me just say this problem of mine can be a disadvantage when attending official functions or when travelling abroad. I remembered attending an etiquette course and I was told that I must take whatever the host offers us, even if a little. What shocked me, in a different briefing (which was not for me and it was not the etiquette course I attended), we were told to take a sip of wine if there is a toast being made. Of course, we do not follow that and when there is a toast, it is already well-known to foreign hosts that Muslims do not take alcoholic drinks and we were offered only soft drinks. In any case, when I was given a role in management, and attended official functions, sometimes there was still some anxiety in me (due to my limited diet) and had to prepare myself for any embarrassing moments. I must say that there was a huge relief when I stepped down from an admin post years ago, and that I can then be my normal ordinary self.

Sometimes, because of the 'different culture', that we (either as Muslim or Malay) may not subscribe to certain norms prevalent in the West, it is unfortunate that 'we' are pictured at times, as less cultured or worse as 'subhumans' (even animals?). That is why, I have told my students and those who wants to listen, that one should try to be counterexamples (not as examples) to break down stereotypes or dominancy of those with excessive power or influence. There is a propaganda or narrative war going on these days to the recent armed conflict in the middle east. It has always been the case, that those who lie will eventually need to have greater lies to cover up the one(s) before. Some may resort to the idea of post-truth or even world-views to frame 'truths', which I do not subscribe in the absolute sense; 'truths' are not that malleable and if we take that view, we'll be doomed to solipsism. Sure, whatever 'facts' there are, they do not exist in vacuum and more often than not, they have been pre-selected to be known but that does not absolve us to strive to know whatever 'truths' out there. It is in this view, I've started to post (alternative) news item on my social media despite fear of being shadow-banned (as they say). Related to this matter, two days ago, I received this warning from AdSense that my blog(s) is in violation of some policies (see figure below),

Initially, I thought it was due to watermelon posts I've made in my blogs. Later I saw that it was due to an extraneous website that was somehow associated with me (with a EU url). I'm not sure how or why it was there, but I have already deleted it. In any case, even if my site gets demonetised, it does not really matter since it was not my original intent to earn any money from my blogs, but I certainly would not want people (whoever they are) to stop me from saying things that I want to say.

Finally, I just want to share this new song from Putri Ariani called Perfect Liar, which is apt for today's world of deceits. It is good songwriting with melodic hooks and interesting vocal runs and certainly show a polished production suited for an international market.

In a way, I'm glad that she did not win AGT and she will be an independent artist, so that she can stay true to her identity. May she be successful.

More Wedding, More Teaching and Watermelon Matters

Let me begin with the easiest. Yesterday, attended another wedding in Melaka for the son of my other half's close doctor friend. The venue was in Dewan Citra Kasih, which is conveniently just near the Ayer Keroh toll. Here are pictures of my other half with her friends.

The week before was a difficult teaching week for me but I have already grown into the rhythm of routines there. As a part-time staff, we do not have a staff card like the full-time staff. The card is necessary for our teaching so that we can access the projector and other AV facilities in the classroom (see pic below). The card needs to be inserted in the slot of the panel near the rostrum. 

So for the part-time staff, we need to borrow a temporary control card (see pic below) at the library and to be returned on the same day when our teaching has finished.

So usually, I will leave my things first in the (shared) office in Block A4 and next will walk my way to Block A3 (where the library is) to get this card. Will return to office thereafter, to continue with my teaching preparation and before 9am go to the classroom where my classes are. On Tuesday, it is at the Ground Floor of A4 and on Thursday, it is at the first floor of A5 Block. All together there are five different blocks in this A complex and they are all connected only at the Ground Floor and the Lower Ground Floor where the car park is. So for Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have good walking exercises. 

Right now, I have started using my Veikk tablet to teach as the students request me to write on the board instead of using slides during my teaching. I prefer not to use the whiteboard since I will have to have lots of whiteboard markers for this. With the tablet, I could export what I scribbled as a pdf file and I now uploaded these files on Moodle at the end of the day. So my typewritten notes have to come later. Right now, I was told I'm a bit slow in my teaching. Perhaps this coming week, I will speed up my teaching and will try not to bore them by looking for extra materials to complement the text book I am using. This means I have to spend more time reading. Let's see what happens this week.

Besides all these teaching preparations, I still do my research readings but right now, I got distracted with the war in Ghazza. The place has been bombed repeatedly causing total destruction of buildings and homes. Current death toll is over 7000 people, many of which are children. I tried to follow as much as I could on this war. So when there was a blackout on the news from Ghazza, I watched the movie Farha instead, which is based on a true story. I hope they document all of what has happened particularly the humanitarian crisis that has gone for more than three weeks now. I follow news mainly from Al-Jazeera and for opinions and commentaries, I follow some YouTube channels and of particular interest the humanitarian matters see e.g. Dr. Mads Gilbert and his views on the current crisis. I still can't imagine the sufferings that the Palestinians have gone through to the extent that I felt hypocritical following these events from the comfort of my own home. I convey to my own family members to always keep the Palestinians in their daily prayers. It is always good to be aware that we do not turn to be bigots in this journey since that essentially started all these. May Allah always keep us on the right path and help the victims in Ghazza. I will leave this post with this video from a lady Jew revert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acJVBbIixwU. May we learn from this.