Settling Down in Physics Department

Many times in the past, my other half said to me to give up my administrative post and go back to Physics Department which I have left unattended for so many years. This time I did it. If not for my medical leave last week, I would have gone back to Physics Department last week. It was only Wednesday this week, that I reentered my old office. To my pleasant surprise, my younger colleagues and students have helped clear my room. Despite this, I may not be able to stay long in the room whose air-conditioning is no longer functioning. So my younger colleagues suggested that I occupy the office for guests of the department, which I did. I understand that this is temporary. Hopefully the airconditioning in my old office will be fixed sometime early next year. I had already been told that there will be a guest from China who works on operator theory and quantum computing this coming Jamuary. So I won't get too comfortable in the current office - just need a place for privacy and to do my own work.

Somebody asked me how is life when not holding any administration post. I must say it is a relief - in the past, I feared so much that people will blame me for what is happening to the institute. Now, have made way for my younger colleagues to fully decide what's best for the institute. Even so, I will be there for the institute if needed (like this morning for the audit). I still have some commitments with the institute through research project and students. Perhaps even larger commitment is for the new initiative with CyberSecurity Malaysia. What is most delightful for me at this stage is that I do not have to attend many meetings like I used to. I intend to use up this time for more research and teaching (hopefully after I'm feeling better).

Another pleasant development during this shift to Physics Department, is that they have found the photo album of pictures taken during my 2001 visit to Imperial College, hosted by Prof. Chris Isham. The visit was made possible by the Akademi Sains Malaysia-Royal Society Exchange Programme. Below are the pics with Prof. Isham himself and his postdoc Ioannis Raptis

I shared an office with Jussi Kalkkinen, a postdoc under K. Stelle.

Here are some other photos of us:

I rented a room in an apartment through the help of Prof. Isham. Here's the landlady

and a lady housemate

Pics of me at the apartment:

Here's the Theoretical Physics Secretary

I also met some Malaysians there studying in Imperial:

The visit was a real experience for me, particularly how far we are left behind in the area of theoretical physics. Jussi is a string theorist who uses gerbes, while Ioannis are using sheaves and topos for quantum gravity. At the time, Chris had already published papers on Topos Framework for Quantum Theory with Jeremy Butterfield. Two years later I invited Jussi Kalkkinen to ITMA to give some lectures in string theory. After I joined INSPEM, I invited Andreas Doering as a fellow. I must say we were not ready in both circumstances to have such researchers. It was my ambitious view then that I wanted some of the advanced and highly sophisticated mathematics to be introduced here. Perhaps we will take a few more generations for us to be ready.

19.11.2019

The above date is the day my son's convocation ceremony at UPM. It was the last session of UPM 2019 convocation and was held in the afternoon. That session too also saw me carrying my last duty as INSPEM representative as Senate member and they are usually seated on stage with the Pro-Chancellor, Vice-Chancellor and the DVCs.

I was also supposed to fly to Kuching for a conference that evening. My invited presentation was supposed to be on 20th November evening. Before I received the letter stating my final day as Deputy, I was also planning to attend a special Senate meeting on the 21st November. Thus I have booked my return ticket to Kuching accordingly to arrive back in the early morning of 21st. Thus, if it did happen as planned, it will be a pretty hectic schedule.

So let me back track to one day earlier. Both me and my other half took leave in preparation for our son's convocation. We had two separate bags packed in preparation for my trip to Sarawak. Since we will be checking-in into the hotel after 2pm, my other half decided to go to the Ministry of Health in the morning to settle some of her work matters. We stopped by at IOI Mall to have lunch and tried something new: Mee Tarik Warisan Asli Restaurant

It was different from most things we had and enjoyed the meal (warning: the dishes come in large size). After lunch, we went to the Palm Gardens Hotel to check-in and rest.

During the night, I was feeling rather sick and started to cough badly. Took my meds immediately and trying my best to stay healthy for tomorrow but things do not turn out that way. My other half and son had to travel out of the hotel to find further medicine from the pharmacy. Initially, we thought it was something I ate. Then I remembered during check-in, the hotel staff appeared to have flu. Must have gotten from the person. My other half told me it must be an aggressive virus (e.g. like influenza B) since it did not take long to make me sick. Tried to stay up to complete my slides for the conference but failed miserably.

Come the big day, we tried to be early in UPM and use the INSPEM office (with permission). I wasn't feeling very good but forced myself to be there. As mentioned earlier, it was my last duty for INSPEM.

Before entering the hall, met Dr. Nurisya who was also part of the academic procession.

While on stage, I remembered, I was taking cough drops one after another to prevent me from coughing badly. Watched Zurita (my M.Sc. student) and Ihsan took their scrolls.

It seemed way too long till the convocation session ended. I was feeling really unwell then. We manage to get a few pics before I decided to leave.

As I walked back to the office with my other half, suddenly I found myself short of breath and could not move further. My other half sought INSPEM driver Fiezul's help to fetch me and then the spontaneous suggestion that I'll be brought to UPM Medical Centre. Over there, fearing I was experiencing a heart attack, I was rushed to Serdang hospital. At the time, I asked my wife to message Prof. Kuru to inform him of the situation. At the hospital, I was given morphine to relieve me of any pain and that totally knocked me out. When I was conscious, I couldn't barely stand. I fell twice in the toilet unaided. The emergency room was full to the brim and I saw patients bedded along corridors. There were just too many patients for the staff to heed my call for help. I was in the emergency room all the while until the next day when the specialist doctor told me my heart seems fine and I'm probably having problems due to the infection. He told me it was best for me to rest at home since there weren't any beds or wards available for me, to which we agree to do so.

Even as I arrived home, I was all groggy and could not stand up without losing balance. So much of the day, I was just resting in bed. It is certainly something that I wish I will not experience again. Physically, I'm still weak coupled with my back pain. I have taken a few more days leave for me to grow stronger. My sons all got infected and had fever right after we got home, showing aggressiveness of the viral infection. I had to discourage my students from visiting me at home so that they won't get infected. Luckily, my other half was spared from the infection thus far.

Finally I add another two pics from UPM that had my son in them and another two pics from Zurita.

Surrounding The Final Day

I'm preparing myself to be back at the Department of Physics. My immediate boss there will be the Head of Department of Physics and I expect to spend less time at the Institute then. Nevertheless, I will still contribute to the Institute.

Even on the final day, 15 November 2019, there are activities drawn up for the future of INSPEM. In the morning, we had a workshop with CyberSecurity Malaysia to whom we hope to work closely with in the future. This will also involve our Singaporean partner (will not reveal details here), but it will be an important collaboration for progress of quantum science & technology in Malaysia. These are some pics.

After Friday prayers in the afternoon, we spend our time at INSPEM booth at Bukit Konvo for the officiation of the UPM Convocation Festival.

The new thing that we brought to this year's booth are our 3D printer 'print-outs'. Few months ago, we acquired an Up-Box 3D printer with the thought of essentially 3D print-outs for our gallery display and any exhibitions that we are involved in, or even do research with this facility. I asked my student Choong to help us out with the idea and he attended the Up-Box training with the rest of the staff. Unfortunately, he was not available for this convocation festival because he is attending the IMH School on Algebraic Schemes and Cohomology in Hanoi at the time (see pic below).

Thus for the expo, initially I thought we had some mathematical niceties like a dodecahedron or the Klein bottle (which would have a visual impact) through my discussions with Choong, but they brought print-out puzzles shown below as something that visitors at the booth can participate to solve (which is ok though does not stand out visually).

Before that, on Thursday, we had a Skype meeting with Dr. Kate Shaw from ICTP for an important near future activity. God willing, we will be running another EQuaLS under the banner of Physics Without Frontiers in February 2020. So watch this space for future announcement of EQuaLS.

Even after my final day, I have the convocation duty of representing INSPEM on stage during the first session of the convocation plus another two. I chose the second session in the afternoon as one of them so that I don't have to come to UPM from Seremban many times. Also during the evening we will have INSPEM Graduation Dinner for the Class of 2019. Thus I have the whole day at the university yesterday. Below is a pic taken before the first session starts.

My three students graduated during this convocation are Ganesh Subramaniam, Zurita Ismail and Dr. Raghad Sahib Abbas. Raghad could not come since she is already back in Iraq. So at the dinner, I was with Ganesh and Zurita.

The whole day stint had my back pain worsening and I was literally in pain when these photos are taken. Immediately after reaching home, I took pain killers and collapsed.

I have still another session to go to, which will be this coming Tuesday. This will however be a special one since my second son will also be graduating. Looking forward to it.

Ending My Deputy Directorship Part 2

Last evening, I have finally received the answer to my resignation as Deputy Director of INSPEM. My last day of duty will be on Friday, November 15, 2019.

I hope my resignation as Deputy Director is not taken negatively. It is not done with ill or rebellious intent. I have already conveyed my wish to step down even before the resignation letter. In fact, I have made precautionary measures by writing to the university mentioning that the institute needs a director. Note that this is done in view of other faculties and institutes have their deans or directors appointed irrespective of the changes to come and I don't see any reason why INSPEM has to be an exceptional case. If there is any side intent of my resignation, there is a small wish deep within me that with me leaving will give a nudge to the decision-makers to make some firm decisions regarding the institute. As I have said earlier, I still believe that INSPEM should continue to spearhead mathematical research in UPM but the final decision rests with the university. As a person who had to carry out the duties of the director (in absence of appointed director), I had to take into account the wishes of the (upper management of) university, the concerns of individuals in the institute and my own judgmental views. I have conveyed to the university what we have wished for. I hope the matter can be settled quickly without further delay.

I wish to mention here that all my actions are calculative (but constructive) in nature. I sometimes consider myself perhaps as a constraint or an extra variable that complicates solution that led to some form of stalemate situation. In mathematics, the way around this is to weaken the constraint or generalise the solution space by removing unnecessary variables. By doing so, one may have access to solutions not seen before. With me out of the picture, perhaps there is a way to move forward for INSPEM and the university.

There was also a mention of disruptive management by an upper management member, going beyond the status quo. Perhaps my leaving can be framed in that sense too. Disruptions can often bring out systems out of whatever equilibrium conditions they are in, allowing the system to explore other equilibrium configurations. However care is needed when applying disruptions as they may lead to runaway solutions that do not benefit any parties. This is why with the prolonged uncertain situation for the institute, the uncertainty needs to be contained. Uncertainties can grow over time and become uncontrollable risks. Hence my consideration of my earlier actions.

My only wish that we will get the greater good for all in the current situation. I will still be happy to contribute to the institute even if I am no longer in the management. My thanks to colleagues, staff and students for the support during my deputy directorship.

Ending My Deputy Directorship

I have not blogged for quite awhile partly because of sensitive issues surrounding my role as Deputy Director of Institute for Mathematical Research (INSPEM) in UPM. However I think the time has come for me to give up this post. I have written to the upper management that I wish to resign as Deputy Director citing health reasons. Indeed there were several times my body simply shuts down when under great stress, perhaps as a safety mechanism. Presently, I am still waiting for an official answer. In normal circumstances, I would not have done this but given that some quarters do not find me suitable, presently I think my leaving is for the greater good.

I have served two directors in Institute for Mathematical Research with some periods of me carrying out the duties of the Director; the present term is the longest. I have also served under one director at Institute of Advanced Technology (ITMA) in 2002-2006, and under one director at Multimedia Institute in 1999-2002, the latter is no longer in existence. I tried to carry out the duties assigned to me and in many places contribute to the realisation of the vision of the institute. I have my own vision of what an institute should be though sadly I will not see this at least within my remaining years of services.

With me leaving the post, my wish is that the institute will continue to grow since I view institutes as drivers of new research culture. I believe INSPEM has contributed much to mathematical research in UPM and I have highlighted this before here. How should the institute progress further, I leave this to the creativity of the younger generation and the wisdom of the university. There are a few advices (if anyone wishes to listen) that I would like to give:

• Avoid drastic changes to institutes each time a new line up of management comes. Strengths are built from traditions; once removed, there may be a need to rebuild this in the future. Take longer term views of how the institute should contribute (even beyond the terms of the existing management).
• While raising standards over time, look at the fine details of research culture of each discipline. This is certainly difficult to do but it will promote natural growth for the researchers of the institute. Blanket KPIs almost always promote deceit or manipulation, which is certainly not the things we want.
• We must rise above any form of territorialism and look at the bigger picture how science as a whole should progress. Be inclusive wherever possible. The idea of the institute should be to provide new research opportunities (not stifle it). The leader himself should be much more open than the members, knowing well how different domains of knowledge interact.
• Go for internationalisation (as part of providing new research opportunities). This will serve the institute (and the university as a whole) better. If possible, have a leader of international standing, a person who commands respect from others internationally, not for his/her position but for the knowledge he/she has.

These are probably the main ones that I can think of. All the best for the future, INSPEM.