December has arrived and soon I will turn 59.
Since last month, I have been trying to reinvent myself so that I can face better, challenges in my next phase of life. Now, this has not been very successful as old habits are hard to eradicate. I think I have received a lot of negativities in the past and it has affected me quite a lot. Like to reverse some of these. In part, this is the reason why I prefer some level of isolation these days, so that I can focus more on my future. In particular, I try to avoid getting bogged down by unnecessary management matters. I think we have been bothered by management matters too much (despite your main duty is not that) that it pushes out the mental space needed for creativity in research and teaching/learning. (Check: What occupies most of your mind while you are at work and how one is enjoying the work?) In this sense, I hope that my colleagues will spare me that part of life - I have been in management for nearly twenty years since ITMA and I think I deserve a break.
I would prefer that I focus more on scientific matters before I retire. In fact, I do want to get back and dirty my hands in solving scientific problems. Over the years, I have been spending too much time exploring ideas to help students initiate their research (not all successful and not all appreciated). It will also fend off any stigma that I can no longer solve problems. Also, if I were to begin a new phase of life, I would like to be active researchwise. It is always fulfilling to be able to solve problems (though this feeling dissipates quickly once it is solved. I still dream of solving something significant but the probability of this is declining very fast.
However I find the bigger challenge is maintaining a good health and good spirituality. Really need some good discipline to maintain things. With worldly goals still lingering and one still pushing oneself for that, these two mentioned goals often get less attention or steered away from the needed focus for them.
Trying to build strategies to divide my time for the several goals I want to achieve. Very little success. Some things tried: (i) breaking all my activities into half-an hour units with allowance of very short breaks - have not been so consistent; (ii) write and rewrite notes for deep understanding - took too much time; (iii) solve easy matters first - have not been so consistent and tend to spend more time on easy things; (iv) less sleep - just can't do it at this age.
Whatever it is, I tend to do things with a sense of purpose. Recently I was given the duty of organizing a Joint UPM-JBNU Physics Seminar, which will take next week. I have always maintained that any efforts towards internationalizing our work/event is always a good idea. Events such as these create new opportunities and we need more of that (not more of constraints). So far, I have been in communication with Prof. Han Sang-Wook and also Prof. Zainal Abidin Talib (who is now there in JBNU and initiated this joint seminar). I hope the seminar will go well. The seminar is scheduled to be in the afternoon of 9 December. This is just a day after my seminar at TMP2021. Also, was told that we had to submit our test marks by this Sunday. Pretty hectic (countering ideas of lecturers have that much free time).
On a personal front, our home is about to begin the last phase of renovations, which I hope will take place quickly. I should also state that the renovation is for long-term matters of my family even for the time that I will no longer be around. It is not that I have that much money to spend. I will still probably have to work after my retirement to ensure that I can pay bills and support my sons' education.
Rather sad news that I received some weeks back: my eldest brother is not well and is now bed-ridden. Hope to find time to visit him. I pray that his strength will recover.
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