53 Days Left

It is nearly two month since I've last blogged here, and I miss chronicling events of my life. Essentially I've paused doing so because of some events and I would not want anything I say here to be used against me (one can't be too careful). In fact, I tried to stay out of people's way since coming back to the department and perhaps make myself invisible to most people. I am not sulking nor am I giving up (far from it). I am just doing things differently irrespective of what is going on around me (in a way, giving what some want out of me). I have only 53 days left to be with the present university and I will be out of people's way. I've started cleaning up my office little by little and in the process, sieving through documents that I would be throwing away and realised that most of what we have done in the past meant very little as they were mostly considered as one-off events (though I would like to think of them as building the appropriate culture as we grow). There seems to be a tendency for people to change things as they felt they need to be seen doing something different. I remembered the time when I took up the duties from the past directors, I was careful not to break the tradition that has been established and I was then criticized for not showing enough leadership. When there was a call for change, I got criticized again for trying to do something different. Now, I have moved on, hoping to do things differently and independently. So my morning today, started off with my other half going for her (daily) exercise at S2 City Park, and then us having a good Mee Jawa breakfast.

With my retirement around the corner, I am bracing myself for days when my pension pay is half of what my current pay is. I probably need to get another job or at least, a part-time job as I still need to pay substantial amount of bills. My youngest is currently doing his diploma in Computer Science at UiTM, Jasin and I hope he continues to do his B.Sc. I have to support his education at least for a number of years to go.

Just a week ago (during the Deepavali weekend), we brought him out for brunch in Melaka.

My third son has just finished his Computer Engineering studies at IIUM some months ago and has started working in Cheras in a computer company. He has conveyed to me his intention to continue with postgraduate studies (had a verbal offer from a potential supervisor). He had in fact presented a paper at ICSIMA 2022 from a work he did in his final year project.

He was probably the youngest at the conference (he took two days leave from work for this). Besides these, my other half has sold off her clinic to a younger doctor since the owner of the premises where her clinic was, put an age limit to occupy the building. Since there was already a buyer, she decided to sell the clinic then (and even so, there were many obstacles). Currently, she is freelancing to do locum (which means no steady income).

I keep my hopes open to get a job after retirement. I still wish to be able to continue with my research since there are still open questions in quantization and quantum foundations that I was investigating (not completely solved by my students). At some point, I do wish to return to quantum field theory - had a brief encounter with my student in thermal field theory. The very least that I want to do is to help others to do research. I've started blogging back at Acu Frekuensi (where I wrote about the recent Nobel Prize in Physics - republished at FizikKini) and also at Ketchup Spills (writing about surrounding issues about the recent claim that quantum theory has to be complex). These posts tend to be slightly technical since others can write better popular articles. There is indeed absence of such articles in our local science literature and explaining certain technical concepts may be valuable (though this may limit the readership). It also conveys the seriousness of the research beyond what is apparent from popular science articles and helps public to be aware the cumbersome work that was done or needs to be done. Abroad, this is often done by magazines of professional (physics or maths) societies. There is also absence of local technical blogs.  Perhaps this is the thing that I can do and make myself useful after my retirement (unfortunately, not the kind of thing our local universities look for but I'm more concern about the good deeds that I will bring to the hereafter). May Allah grant me the strength and help me with my future endeavours.