A Different Turn

Two days ago, I was at a university up north attending a viva examination as an external examiner. It was for an area that only a handful of us know in the country, an area for which essentially my PhD supervisor Richard Ward is in (my PhD was on a different topic than this). The examination turned out to be good and one has the elated feeling of duty fulfillment, overseeing progress made in such area locally. However this 'joy' was cut short. As I was waiting for the plane to return home, received a whatsapp message regarding the restructuring of the institute. A new change.

The restructuring of the institute has occupied our minds ever since middle of last year. Plenty of discussions were made to see what is best for the institute and finally agreed upon some niche areas that could have given the institute a unique identity (see here). We even come up with a clever name for the institute to highlight our niche area, namely on disruptive science & technology. Initially we would like to keep this name a secret until we are sure that it is properly endorsed by the university. It was Mathematical Institute for Natural and Disruptive Sciences (MINDS). Unfortunately, this name will not see the light of the day. The meeting yesterday informed us that the restructuring will now take a different turn, which I will not reveal here as yet.

My immediate feeling after the meeting is betrayal; both betrayed and betraying. Our efforts thus far have gone back to naught and sincerely wished that we knew this much earlier. But much more damaging for me is that this happens under my watch. In a way, I felt that I have betrayed the original cause of our institute. Something that I have to bear for the rest of my life. In a way, I have been here before; plenty of disappointments in life. At this stage, I do not know what will happen next. For now, I try to comfort myself by saying that come what may, we (as in theoretical physics group) will continue to do the things we do; things that not many may have the courage to take up. I will just leave it at that.