Shame and Good Senses

Just to make a brief report of what's happening. EQuaLS3 started yesterday with our Director officiating and the Dean was also present. In my welcoming speech, I felt out of breath for some reasons and I was not able to read properly. Hope I didn't make a fool of myself. Another glitch was the program - it was me who drafted the program but there was one missing hour from it after the officiation. According to the listed program, the coffee break was more than an hour! So we shifted forward all the lectures ahead an hour and the program ended about an hour earlier. For this, the speakers had to wait longer for the bus back to the hotel. So I'm sorry, it was my mistake - perhaps I was trying to do many things at one time. I was hoping to make this EQuaLS as good as it can be since this may be the last one that I'll do.

Another thing, was the cleanliness around the seminar area. I had noticed that the floors and stairs were not mopped as they used to for the last few days. And so too, the toilets were not cleaned as before. I thought perhaps that the cleaners had yet to do it since they were cleaning some place else. But then I heard stories ... I hope I am wrong. If the floors or toilets are purposely left unclean then all I can said is very good and clever ... for they have only brought shame to all with our overseas guests and participants looking at the unclean conditions. I certainly hope these people come to their senses if this is true. Or otherwise, there is urgent need to clean up the place. Let's try to do our respective jobs properly ...

1220 Listening: Time for Miracles

... silent scream ...

I'm trying to catching up with work but time just passes so quickly. Physically, tried to push myself, but rather carefully, not to over exert myself. Trying to meet demands of everyone but just don't have enough resources. Most recently, I probably have disappointed my brothers and sister but I can't help my present situation. I believe I have sacrificed many things with some kind of prioritization. Believe me or not, I have put work first over my own family, over my brothers and sister. It seems situation demand that way and I believe I'm doing it for the long term good. But as usual things are never enough ... and losing hope is such a dangerous thing.

Going through ups and downs, I often turn to my usual hobbies or time-wasters to relieve the stress. Had been waiting eagerly for this apocalypse movie of 2012. Stumbled into the video clip of Adam Lambert's "Time for Miracles" (sure could use some now). Here's the clip:



Here's the karaoke version:



I have not heard Adam Lambert before but I knew (from my ex-student) that he was one of the favourites to be the winner of the last season of American Idol - he didn't win though. I didn't watch the last season since I had too many things to do. But of course, I have my appreciation for talents. When I heard him sing in the above clip(s), I thought I should look through some of his clips during the American Idol show. He is good and here's my favourite (studio version):



Check out the heart-melting live version here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJHB575_z7g (sorry, embedding was disabled)

The rest are pretty enjoyable but I really liked the above.

Snow White, Birthday and Work

.... silent scream ...

Just to report what has been happening. Also to comfort those feeling overburdened with many tasks. I'm too running out of breath, trying to do too many tasks (and of course not succeeding very well). I have essentially prioritise matters of EQuaLS3 over other things like the courses I'm teaching which have yet to be settled properly. I hope the students will be very patient with me ... sorry guys. Will do it soon. Not to mention reports and reviews that I have almost postponed indefinitely ... this actually damage my credibility. But it seems that every day I'm doing firefighting duties, be that at work and at home. To make matters worse, I'm not too confident about my health as I have ongoing chest pains (even as I write now) which I have conveniently adapted to but at times I just have to rest. I will probably have to take a long break after EQuaLS3 to do a proper check-up.

Now for light matters, the weekened saw me celebrating my eldest son's birthday in a rather small way (I hope he doesn't mind but these are hard times). My second son also came back last Friday by bus and we send him back to the boarding school on Sunday. I have also mentioned in my FB about the new addition to the family (see below):

This is a persian cat given to my other half by her patient since her newborn baby is allergic to cats. My other half of course accepted it to her delight. She was called Snow by her previous owner but then my other half preferred the name Puteh for her. So there you go, more mouths to feed ...

SMS and Hoodwinked?

Have you been getting SMS that you didn't want and got charged for it? Well, I have. I have finally found out how to stop it and it takes quite a search (well, maybe it's rather effortless but still one can always do something better than doing this search).

It all started with me being curious with an ad of winning something and all you need is to enter a quiz competition which is so damn easy. Entered that. Yeah, yeah, I know ... it was dumb of me. Hoodwinked, thinking that I'll be winning a prize but the truth is they start collecting money from you. I started receiving these messages about celebrities doing what (which I don't really wanna know) and being charged for it; and then shortly after the stupid quiz question. These messages come in daily at about 3pm.

Initially, I just ignored these. Knew then I'm getting all these charges. Tried stopping them by sending OFF and UNSUBCRIBE messages but they didn't work and instead got charged further. I got rather annoyed but I had other problems to think about then how to stop these subscribed messages. And it went on for a while. Today, when I'm about to pay my phone bill and I thought I should really made an effort to stop these nonsense. Tried to retrace the e-mail that got me into this trouble and there was a link there but it only gave a page with no information of how to unsubscribe. Finally made a search and found this page http://wixawin.com/ca/contact.html.

I remembered I did invite a few that I know to this competition and I'm feeling rather guilty. My deepest apologies ... ampun, ampun, ampun, ya. I hope you have not being charged as I have. If you are still subscribed, then let me make it easy for you ... just reply to the messages STOP ALL and that will do the job.

Was thinking in my mind, how clever they are in getting money from us while we here sweat out to find income. I suppose in a way one should find fault with one own self on this for easily being deceived. On the other hand, operators of these competitions who have made it all so easy to enter their competitions, should also bear the responsibility to make it as easy for people to unsubscribe. Links for unsubscribing should be placed in easily accessible pages or better still, have accompanying text of how to stop in their SMS. In the interest of all, I hope they do that.

Reinventing and Recapturing

This week saw me going beserk a bit. I need to go to a new environment to reinvent myself but unfortunately I don't have that luxury. I also had prolonged episodes of sharp chest pain which seem to coincide with me encountering problems. Perhaps it is psychological. However I am not taking chances and took proper rest during those periods.

Much of my worries now are EQuaLS3, which is less than two weeks away. There are still many unsettled things. Not knowing how the expenses will be for our past ICREM4, I will be applying again for MOSTI fund just in case (though deep in my mind, the chances are quite slim). In this period too, took the opportunity to chase back some old things that I should have done for previous lecture series. TSLELS5 proceedings is now ready (finally), thanks to Zurita; it is published under UPM Press. Have also uploaded photos for previous EQuaLS2 here and here.

Ageing has caused me giving up on my ideals quite a lot. Much of what I wanted to be tend not to be achievable. Have tried but perhaps not enough. The conditions here are not helping and I have grown tired. One of the things that I would have like to pursue is my musical interest (to some people's surprise). Music for me is a creativity thing and it seems to excite my mind quite a lot. Unfortunately I don't have a formal training of any kind and that perhaps lead me to take up the drums (the most primitive instrument?). I mainly play by ear (as opposed to reading). It's funny how I got into it because I never had the instrument at home and the way I initially practice is by imagining things and then hit whatever I could. My first encounter of the drums is in school. I had no idea how it feels like to play it but I know I was stiff then. Here's one pic of me playing with my T-Blues Band during high school:

After that introduction, my drumming interest grew intense. While studying for my undergraduate degree in Adelaide, I took the opportunity to hire drum kits during the holidays and play along records. There my drumming experience expanded a lot and I had a freer drumming style. One of my favourite things to do was playing odd signatures. One highlight was a jam session with Mustaffa Ramly who was at the time had aband in Sydney (I think) and he later turned out to be the session guitarist for Zainal Abidin. Here's a pic of my last drumming in Adelaide:

After this undergraduate experience, I didn't get the chance to play the drums again. Nevetheless, I often practiced in my head. That was until a few years back when one staff member decided to be adventurous for the UPM Cultural and Arts month - they had a talent contest. But we were not much into the contest thing; we decided to group as a band and I naturally took up the drums (sorry not pics; they only took pictures of the singers). When I played then, I had forgotten how it feels to hit the drums; more than 20 years have passed since I played them. I had to quickly adapt to the bounce of the sticks on the drum skin and then I was grooving along. What we played was a simple pop song by Ratu "Teman Tapi Mesra" (I think); apart from the intro, which I couldn't figure what the guitars were doing, it was rather easy. What made me knew that I still have the chops was the spontaneous jam on the Dewa 19 song "Sedang Ingin Bercinta" during our practice where I improvised a bit. For the real show, we played OK for the Ratu song but they also added the song "Diari Seorang Lelaki" by Pretty Ugly which we did not do during our practice sessions. So I just simply make up some things, played along and apparently some liked my playing. One of the resident musicians came up to me and said that I should come back more often. Unfortunately I did not despite my cravings whenever I have creative juices flowing in my head.

Car Leaks and Cat Flu

I thought of doing a mild post. So I'm going to write about cars and cats. At least, they won't reply to what I say. So I'm pretty safe (am I?)

I came back home on Friday from ICREM4 to only meet a host of problems. First and foremost are my cars. Earlier I had battery and wiring problems for my Chevrolet Aveo car which had caused my late arrival to work on the Monday before ICREM4. Things ain't cheap nowadays; used to buy car batteries at about RM100, now they cost almost a walloping RM300! Then during one of the nights of ICREM4, my other half called me about the massive motor oil leaking from our Naza Ria MPV. Took some risks, told her just to refill the motor oil since she has to go to work to Rembau but on Friday noon, asked her to send it immediately to the workshop. There was the worry that it could be a major problem that requires leaving the vehicle at the workshop for days (and hence I have to take leave if that happens - that will not be good with EQuaLS3 around the corner). Luckily it was only the cracked oil gasket; had it replaced with other accessories but all in all it still costs more than RM700! What expenses I have this month!


The other problem, was the little members of the family, our cats. One of them, Tommy had flu, the week before ICREM4, sneezing every now and then. Here's Tommy (I call him White Socks for apparent reason):




Apparently, he is still not well when I came back. And the flu caught on to the favourite cat of the house, Belang. Here's Belang (my nicknem is Black Paws) in somewhat very indecent position (sorry):




The other cat of the house is Katie, Tommy's mum. She's one tough mum; always going out and only to return a few days later (must be a club member or something). Here's Katie looking rather old:

Her other children have died mostly at young age unfortunately. My other half is very fond of them (err... to my jealousy?) and these cats often sleep in our room. Here's my other half cuddling Tommy and Belang:

Well, with them catching flu, my other half took the trouble to get some medicine from the local vet. More expenses to meet ...

Thank You All ...

ICREM4 was officially closed today at noon by our Director. In some sense, I felt relief though the job is far from over, we have still to go through our accounts, reports to be made. There are still payments need to be made for our speakers - initially they were gloomy on the complications that arise but am glad to see their cheery faces when saying goodbye to them; perhaps they knew we are trying hard to do what's best for all, us as organizers and them as our guests. I have always tried to be frank with them to help them understand our limitations and on the other hand, one should empathise with their problems.

I apologise to all for leaving early after the closing since I had to make sure that I am in time for my PhD student's viva. I must give him the moral support he needs to go through his examination. Reached in time for the Friday prayer and hence am able to be there during his viva.

Overall, I sensed from the people I talk to that they are in general happy with the conference. I must say that this is very much owed to the hard work by the staff. I'm happy too with the outcome and I hope my superiors felt the same way. Thus all I can say is a very big thank you to all the staff for making ICREM4 as successful as we can which perhaps meant very little. There will always be room for improvement and perhaps we should discuss this later. Most important now, is that all of us should be happy with what we have achieved and we managed to pull this thing through together - we can talk about improvements or dissatisfactions later. I should also say this, I offer my humblest apology to all staff if they feel in anyway slighted or felt being stepped on their toes particularly when stressing too much to keep "our clients" happy. Just a note, my previous rather grumpy post is in no way trying to criticise or directed to the staff. Some remarks were made by an unhappy person and I'm trying to rationalise things. I had my share of annoying remarks (e.g. I can't even ring a bell properly to call participants in) but these are little things which I will soon ignore. I'm sure others had gone through worse and I'll probably never be able to fathom them. Nor do I expect others to fathom what I'm going through. I certainly do not want people to think I'm big-headed after having done ICREM4.

Sometimes I do wish that what I do will not burden anyone at all. If I can, I will do it all by myself but this is just impossible. Events as big as ICREM4 just need everyone's input, big or small. It is certainly beyond any individual and what more a puny being like me. The next event of EQuaLS3 is again for me a big important thing beyond this little individual body. Again I need everyone's input in this, all the help I can get. The speakers, many as they are, are well-known researchers and I am much honoured that they are willing to come. And some even come at their expense, what more can I say. I would like to see EQuaLS3 work as well as ICREM4. If however, some felt too burdened and wanted out, please inform me and I will try to find a workaround, the next best solution. But then again, I appreciate any help I can get. If it pleases anybody, I am contemplating on whether to continue EQuaLS or not and this will very much depends on the outcome of EQuaLS3 ...