Just Another Derailed Post

Well, earlier planned things seem to have derailed but life goes on, of course,with  relatively tight budget (particularly just found out that even my final part-time pay being further delayed). My real main concern is not so much about myself but my children. Sometimes I do feel that they deserve to have a better father so that they get better support. 

Anyway, I woke up today recalling the economic hard times when I was a BSc student. I was send to Adelaide under Ministry of Education scholarship. My parents are not rich to send me abroad and without the scholarship, I would probably be studying locally like my other brothers and sister. Recalling how my parents must have struggled to make sure that I have enough cash to study will make me go teary. During the matriculation year, I did try to get some side income (together with my housemates) to work removing rubbish but the (Malay) employer decided I was too physically weak. I tend to joke around about this - not good enough to be a rubbish remover. I remember an incident where we were scolded by the bus driver for paying fares in copper coins (one cent and two cents usually collected from change after buying something). Another memory of when we fall short of cash is cooking for the housemates with frying onions with turmeric just to eat with our rice. I also tried keeping long hair with the excuse of not having enough money.

Those were the days but now I would want to provide enough for my children so that they won't go hungry. Coming up this weekend, my youngest will go to UiTM Jasin for his BSc degree. Got to make sure he has enough money for meals and stuff like fees. 

Last Friday, we did solatul-hajat after Friday prayers for the Global Sumud Flotilla which has Malaysian participants in it, so that they have safe journey and their humanitarian aid that they carry will be safely received by the Ghazzans there. I am aware also that some might raise a different narrative even among the locals. I also saw Islamophobic posts on social media but really, it doesn't matter for us Muslims, just recalling the hadith of Ghuraba. Maybe those uninitiated locals who harbour such feelings will better listen from a fair-skinned Westerner (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVtgaIzPkes). Also from a surgeon who has seen all the horrors (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5csAOVUIpUw)

Recently I shared a post about John Searle in which I initially was unaware about the controversy about it. Note that there are many other scientific personalities with controversies, for instance the following on this quantum legend. The intent of this sharing is mainly awareness about what is already known in public. In some way, I tend to compartmentalize the scientific life from the personal life when one can. In areas where one can't, one just distance away or beware of cultural trappings.

Inner feelings of sailing away ....

Varia: September End Matters

Alhamdulillah, yesterday my third son, whom we had not seen for awhile, came back home. Just earlier in the week, my second son also came back home much due to his place had water disruptions. Apparently, he had contracted conjunctivitis and the day after he arrived home, went to the clinic to get some medication.

Our youngest also went for a medical check-up at the same time for his BSc admission. He will be going to UiTM in Jasin for a BSc degree in Computer Science. When he first got the offer, he did not get a college accommodation. This will mean that he has to find a house somewhere near the university and associated with this, will mean he has to bring the Aveo green car (was used by our eldest) as means of transportation. It also meant that his expenses will be higher. He made an appeal for a college accommodation and alhamdulillah, the appeal was succesful (two days ago). So, God willing, we will be sending him to UiTM Jasin next weekend. A day ago, I used up my MyKasih assistance to buy some things for him to bring to the college and some things for home. Every assistance matters for us.

I have not been doing much earlier in the week because I experienced some food poisooning (I think) and it left me relatively weaker. My other half also contracted conjunctivitis from my son (after tending to my son) but she immediately took medication. This is always the risk for frontliners when tending to patients that possibly many did not realise (imagine the scare during the Covid-19 pandemic) - so be kind to medical practitioners.

Other matters: I bought Emad Mostaque's "The Last Economy" through GooglePlay and it was my first experience to do so. I first heard of him during the Moonshot podcast and he seems to be well respected among the AI circle. Here is a recent example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkKeK0qWrxI

My reading of it is kinda slow, but I hope to give review in my Malay blog later on. In the meantime, let me share some reels I build using AI for some mathematical thoughts. Note these are done by using a free version of PixVerse and as such they are not of too much technical depth. To do more, I guess one needs a subscribed version and for now, given that I have no extra income, I will avoid doing so. The first video is a Hopf fibration and since the three-sphere requires four dimension, I specify the extra dimension as a the animation time. As such, the 3-sphere will have expanding radius (compactifying it will mean 'closed time-like curve).

The other one is hyperbolic tessellation using triangle group; I did not specify which triangle group it is. The video is less visually attractive; to do more, will need more technical prompt, which I do not bother for now.

With more resources, I guess one could make more interesting animations. I'm still explooring what else can be done (did one for Kochen-Specker vectors in 3 dimensions but it does not add any more understanding and thus I have deleted it).

Time Slipping By

Yesterday was my other half's birthday. I just bought a chocolate cake (she loves chocs) plus some food for dinner. We simply use birthdays (or other events) as a reason to celebrate and be happy. Circumstances can be better but we are contented with what Allah has given us. We will say 'Alhamdulillah' (God willing) if things are good or bad.

So time is slipping away for us. Being old, if we are not careful, will appear to others as being useless. I keep reading (or watching YouTube videos) to keep my mind active. I don't go out too much and the kind of work I do most of the time at home forces me to be less (physically) mobile. I should be more mobile to help me with my bad back. Today, for instance, had the intention to an event of my in-laws, but unfortunately my indigestion and back problems suggest that I should not go. So I spent my time watching videos of the experience of activists going to Ghazza and elsewhere. I shared one of these on FB of Australian doctors whom at the end, made a remark that they are unsure if they will be alive the next day. May Allah help them all. Our prayers are the least that we could offer.

So you can probably see I spend less time on scientific matters, sadly, mainly attending to many personal issues and depressing state of affairs of the world in general. I hope to return to working on science soon.

Just to entertain myself and my other half last night, I did this AI video so that we could be 'younger'.

The AI tool that I was using is PixVerse. The first video I made was our three-legged cat Hitam.

Again, this is mere entertainment but I hope I can use AI in a more beneficial way. May Allah guide us in these challenging times.

Circa Malaysia Day

Right after Izzuddin's convocation on Saturday, we were blessed with a few-day streak of public holidays with Malaysia Day on September 16 (Tuesday) and the Prime Minister had declared the Monday before will be a public holiday. As expected, the highways are packed with cars of people going off for holidays and there was huge traffic jam almost everywhere. We only had a glimpse of such massive jam when we make our way back home from the convocation due to a fatal accident (see pic).

We stayed mostly at home during these holidays tending to personal matters. We did one 'out-of-ordinary' thing during the holidays. We had our own version ice-bucket challenge! This was recommended to us to alleviate us from some problems affecting us. 

When I asked Gemini what are the benefits, it gave me this:

Ice baths and cold-water immersion offer benefits for muscle recovery, mood, and mental resilience, though some effects are more scientifically established than others. The practice involves soaking in cold water, typically between 50°F and 60°F (10°C–15°C), for short durations.

Physical benefits

Reduces muscle soreness and inflammation. The cold temperature causes blood vessels to constrict, which helps reduce swelling and inflammation after an intense workout. This reduces delayed-onset muscle soreness (DOMS).

Aids in workout recovery. By constricting blood vessels, cold-water immersion helps flush metabolic waste products, like lactic acid, from the muscles. When you exit the bath, blood flow increases, delivering oxygen and nutrients to aid muscle repair.

Improves circulation. The rapid change from vasoconstriction (narrowing of blood vessels) in cold water to vasodilation (widening) afterward acts like a pump, boosting circulation.

Boosts metabolism. Regular cold exposure can increase your metabolic rate as your body works to stay warm. Over time, this may increase brown fat activity, a type of fat that burns calories to generate heat.

Supports the immune system. Some studies suggest that regular exposure to cold water may boost the production of white blood cells, which can help the body fight off illnesses.

Mental benefits

Enhances mood and focus. Cold-water immersion triggers a release of endorphins and neurotransmitters like dopamine and noradrenaline. This can lead to a sustained boost in mood, alertness, and focus.

Improves mental resilience. Voluntarily stepping into a stressful situation, like a cold bath, and controlling your reaction can build mental fortitude and improve your ability to cope with other stressors.

Reduces anxiety and stress. The endorphin release can alleviate stress and anxiety, promoting a sense of well-being.

May help with sleep. The stress reduction and muscle relaxation that comes from an ice bath may help you get a better night's sleep.

Important considerations and risks

Listen to your body. Start with short, controlled sessions (e.g., 30 seconds to a few minutes) and gradually increase your tolerance. Do not overdo it, especially if you are new to the practice.

Risks of cold shock. The initial shock of cold water can cause gasping and a rapid increase in heart rate. People with cardiovascular conditions, such as high blood pressure, should consult a doctor before trying cold plunges.

Effects on muscle growth. Some studies suggest that taking an ice bath immediately after resistance training may interfere with long-term muscle adaptation and growth. It is generally recommended that strength athletes use ice baths sparingly to maximize gains.

Timing matters. For recovery after high-intensity or endurance training, an ice bath right after your workout is beneficial. For muscle growth, you might wait several hours or use it on an off-day.

To describe a little of my experience on this, the first trial had me experiencing bad brain freeze as the ice-cold water was poured on my head and the pain lingered on even after the cold bath. The next trial was less severe. The third trial however coincided with me feeling unwell with mu indigestion and bad back episode. There is some beneficial change, perhaps psycohologically, that some of my pain become relatively less intense and definitely I slept better.

So I've started using AI tools a little bit more these days but I'm still very much a beginner in using them and have not explored them in a more meaningful way. One of these tools is Claude. On first use, I decided to check out what I thought might not be known too much within English reading materials: I asked the meaning of my own name:

Hishamuddin is a beautiful Arabic name with rich etymological roots! Let me break down its components and meanings for you. Etymology and Structure: Hishamuddin is a compound name consisting of two parts:Hisham (هشام) + ud-din (الدين). The connecting element "ud" means "of" in Arabic. Hisham (هشام): Derives from the Arabic root ه-ش-م (h-sh-m). Comes from the verb "hashama" meaning "to crush" or "to break".

The name Hisham traditionally means "crusher" or "generous". It can also relate to someone who breaks bread for others, symbolizing hospitality and generosity. Historically significant as the name of Hisham ibn Abd al-Malik, an Umayyad caliph. Ud-din (الدين): "Din" means "religion," "faith," or "way of life" in Arabic. Often appears in Islamic names to denote religious devotion. The construct "ud-din" means "of the faith" or "of the religion". Complete Meaning: Hishamuddin translates to "Crusher/Generous one of the Faith" or "The Generous Defender of Religion"

Word Constellation: Related to concepts of generosity, hospitality, and religious devotion. Connects to other "-uddin" names like Salahuddin, Nuruddin, JamaluddinLinks to the broader Arabic naming tradition of combining personal qualities with religious devotionThe name carries connotations of both strength (crushing/breaking) and benevolence (generosity), combined with spiritual dedication — a powerful combination in Islamic naming traditions.

Next, I tried a more esoteric query surrounding Javanese numerology for names. Please note that I only did this just for fun (not believing in them).

Your Javanese Numerology Analysis for Hishamuddin: Weton 18 Characteristics: With a weton of 18, you fall into a specific category in Javanese astrology. People with this weton are traditionally considered to have: Strong leadership qualities - You naturally attract others and can guide them. Generous nature - This aligns beautifully with your name Hishamuddin, which means "generous one of the faith". Spiritual inclination - Your high weton number suggests deep spiritual awareness. Authoritative presence - Others look to you for guidance and wisdom. Name-Weton Harmony: The combination is particularly powerful because: Your name Hishamuddin means "generous defender of faith". Your Saturday Pahing birth suggests leadership and spiritual authority. The number 18 reinforces themes of guidance and religious devotion. This creates a harmonious profile of someone destined for spiritual leadership and generous service to others - a person whose very nature (weton) aligns with the meaning embedded in their name.

I hope I will be able use these AI tools more intelligently in the future. It has helped me with one mathematical problem that I was not unsure how to think about it. I have been listening to a lot of podcasts on AI. There is this belief that AI will make profound change in our lives just like how internet did in the past. Some painted doom and gloom about the AI advances while others hyped up the benefits. It will most probably be something in between. It would probably need some form of safe regulatory practices in the future.

Another thing that happened was a (slight) heightening of  my 'spiritual' awareness and I started to pick up some of my old books. One of which is the book by Sheikh Uthman El-Muhammady.

I guess in the past, I have been reading this book with the yearning of being some kind of mystic but today, I just want to be a normal good Muslim. Hopefully this feeling can be sustained and they will be added to my good deeds for the hereafter.

Finally, I wished that we use social media with care. Whatever we write or share will affect others and we will be held responsible on the outcomes. I tend to use them less and less now (knowing that there will be toxicity).

Izzuddin's September 2025 Convocation

Some months back, we were told about our youngest son's convocation for his Diploma degree that is to be held at UiTM main campus in Shah Alam. We did not know the date in the beginning. Once we knew th date some weeks back, we quickly booked two rooms at Seeds Hotel there since we know it will be fully booked quite quickly, particulalrly when it councided with school holidays and also the long weekend of Malaysia Day's public holiday.

So on Friday this week, our son Ihsan came back home from JB in the wee hours of the morning after finishing his night shift and let him rest for the whole morning before we start our journey to Shah Alam. We took off immediately after Friday prayers and reached the hotel just after 4pm. WE decided there and then that we should extend our stay for another night since the convocation session Izzuddin is in is the afternoon sesion which ends probably around 5 pm.

We had a late evening tea at the restaurant just besides the hotel.

For diner, we went out to Polperro slightly a distance away as everyone opted for Western meal - I had lasagne myself but I was already full after having rojak during evening tea.

For breakfast the next morning, we simply ate at the restaurant besides the hotel. We left the hotel asound 11-ish to head off to UiTM to avoid the rush. There is a designated place where the parents will have to park and from the parking space, buses are provided to ferry the parents and families to the convocation hall. 

We decided that we went into the hall early to get a good seating place.

Since we were early, we had a long wait before the ceremony really starts. It was freezing inside

These are my attempts of taking photos of Izzuddin while he was on stage and since we were far away above in the balcony, the pictures are taken from the televised screen in the hall and thet were not that clear.

The whole ceremony ended just before 5pm. Note that we had not gotten our lunch before we went in and we were very hungry.

We decided to go back to the hotel as soon as we finished our late lunch (avoiding the rush going out). We rested awhile at the hotel before we went out again for dinner.

Today, we checked out from the hotel after fajr. We were anticipating a huge amount of traffic and indeed there was a standstill traffic jam just before the Seremban RnR due to a bad accident. We decided not to have breakfast at the RnR to avoid the crowd. Instead, we had our breakfast at Seremban 2 City Park restaurant. Rested once we reached home. After lunch, Ihsan went back to JB.

I Dream of Gibbons

In my last post, I mention about the honorary fellowship conferred to me last Saturday. I also posted the news on FB but I hope it is not viewed as braggery and me being full of myself. I would like to consider it posting more on positive matters as opposed to negative ones that seem to flood the social media. In fact, I'm more comfortable to post things on my blog than social media that pushes content to people's face. Blogs are often read only by those who are interested in them.

By saying the above, I would like to project my views about myself as being an average person who had opportunities to go abroad learning theoretical physics and the motivation to improve oneself on and on until I guess I'm on my deathbed. There will be ups and downs but the general direction is improvement. I would also like to push back the idea of mediocrity that some might want to paint. In the past, I would be obsessive of such a push-back but at this age and tiredness, I take things in a stride and be contented with what Allah have ordained for me.

Just to get a glimpse the subconscious psyche in me, some weeks back, I dreamt of talking to Gary Gibbons and I woke up, questioning why did I dream of him (note that I had other researchers who have influenced me more). Gibbons was there in DAMTP when I did Part III but I had never met him up close. I did meet his collaborator, Malcolm Perry (Gibbons & Perry collaborated on the seminal paper of Positive Mass Theorems for Black Holes together with Hawking and Horowitz) face-to-face asking if he has Witten's Holomorphic Morse Inequalities paper (since he had been to Princeton) just for me to get a copy (and he gave me one). Researchwise, I have not being reading papers of Gibbons recently and influencewise, the papers of Gibbons that attracted me more are not the usual ones that people refer to (e.g. Traffic Noise and the Hyperbolic Plane). Just a few days later, then I saw the news of Gibbons as one of the recipients of the 2025 Dirac Medal.

No, I'm not telling you this story as if I've been granted Divine secrets or that I have clairvoyant capabilities (far from it!). The real reason is perhaps how the story went in this dream. In the dream, I put up the courage to talk to Gibbons who had expounded on an idea that I had publicised (yes, it's only a dream) and tried to sound intelligent. On hearing my points/questions, he was telling me how shallow they are and I was taken aback and felt embarrassed. The story actually reflects the reality of what we have been facing and tried to overcome. Most of the time, we explore ideas of theoretical physics but found difficulty in getting their technical details, much due to our less exposure or really the lesser experience of technical depth in researching them. The inferiority complex and the insecurity is somewhat ingrained in us and it is a real challenge to overcome this. Part of the motivation in organizing schools like EQuaLS is to overcome this challenge. The fact I'm still dreaming this shows that we have yet to do this successfully, despite the many EQuaLS we have organized. We need something more. In the past, we had QuEST almost weekly meetings and incorporate the Gelfand (seminar) mentality in the meetings. However, it is difficult to maintain such meetings given our commitments. Again, having activities is only part of the story; we need the right environment that can nurture our curiosities and technical capabilities. We need to reflect on our priorities, I guess,

When I told my wife about the dream, she told me I was thinking too much about work and reminded me that I am now a retiree. But that doesn't mean I should stop thinking about science, right?

Honorary Fellow and Failed Visits

Yesterday, the Malaysian Institute of Physics (IFM) conferred to me the Honorary Fellowhip of the organization. I knew about the matter actually weeks ago when the Secretary of the organization; I was surprised but felt honoured. I kept mum about it until it was officially given to me yesterday.

 

Perhaps what is not known to many is that I was already a fellow of the Institute before, since 1998. This was before I got my associate professorship in the year 2000.

So what is the difference between a fellow and an honorary fellow? Unsure myself, I searche this on Google and Gemini gave me this summary:

When I read this, I was wondering what has been 'outstanding' about me, particularly towards IFM. I only served as a council member of IFM for only several years (in 1994). At the time, I had just came back from Bintulu Campus of UPM (now rebranded as Universiti Putra Malaysia Sarawak - UPMS) and I was trying to be active through IFM and various other committees at the university and at the national level. However after, I received my first administrative position in UPM as head of laboratory in 2002, I had to focus on development of the labs at the institutes (then ITMA and INSPEM). My last administrative position is as Deputy Director at INSPEM. Before landing at this position, I started off Expository Quantum Lecture Series (EQuaLS) in 2007 and later had IFM coorganized some of these events. The pictures below are from EQuaLS5 with the late IFM president Prof. Chia Swee Ping and John Baez is among the invited speakers.

Actually even before INSPEM, there were activities in ITMA involving IFM.

I think these lecture series are among my accomplishments and these event triggered research directions that our group has pursued. The main aim was really to get our theorists acquainted with the technical level of the distinguished speakers. Some indeed questioned why our group has not collaborated or co-wrote papers with these speakers but that was not the aim. Proper progress requires an organic growth of our talents and usually this is a slow process. Among the results is that one of EQuaLS1 speaker, the late Prof S.T. Ali became the supervisor of my younger colleague Assoc. Prof. Dr. Nurisya Mohd Shah who is now a Fellow of IFM, appointed in the same ceremony (congrats to her),

So what is the responsibilities of an honorary fellow? I had Gemini giving me this answer: 

I will try my best to do so and may Allah help me with my duties.

While we were in UM for the above conferring, we thought that we should just cross over to Shah Alam to visit our son Izhar whom we have not seen for quite some time. Unfortunately he was not there when we arrived.

So instead, we went to a mall to get our lunch and we went to Masjid Denai Alam to perform our prayers.

This morning, we made another visit to his place in DK Impian to see him but again, unfortunately he was not around to see us.

We left some goods at his door and hoped that he is alright wherever he is (may Allah grant him safety, peace and tranquility in performing his duties). I told my other half, we should not do anymore unplanned visits since the travels have their costs. Back home, we took back our sick cat Yaya from a clinic costing us about RM500+. Here is a video of Yaya recuperating.

Green & In(ter)dependence

One of the things that I've been doing is the past several days is to update my website Resonant Frequencies. Just before I retired, I had plans to do this website so that I could actually put up my own contents. Perhaps I was trying to resurrect my earlier Qfizik website hosted within UPM campus. The Qfizik site in the beginning was built on a PC with Microsoft Personal Webserver. Later I got ambitious (during the days of Multimedia Super Corridor rave), and I applied for a research grant so that I can have a proper server hosting my content using IIS (and also for running Visual C++ and WebMathematica). This is way before UPM had PutraBlast hosting course materials. In 2015, the server died and my interest in web development died with it. In 2022, before retiring, I had to be in charge of the departmental seminars and thought that I should be recording them. Finally, I decided to get my own domain and hence with it the webhosting of Resonant Frequencies. After retiring, I thought I would just maintain the domain and continue paying for the subscription.

It was later after retirement, that I thought I should add more materials (some wanted my lecture notes) particularly the notes of H.S. Green's lectures, which I thought needs saving. Green has been quite an influential figure for me due to his original ideas. I wrote about him in this post. Since the conditions of Green's lecture notes is getting poorer, I started retyping the notes in LaTeX sometime ago but could not sustain it due to heavy teaching load. Now that I'm "free", I could now continue.

So far, the first six lectures of Mathematical Methods are now available on the webpage. I wish to finish all the 22 lectures and continue to do the same for his Statistical Mechanics and Elementary Field Theory lectures. I hope I have enough energy to do this. The other concern is the expenses that come with the domain subscription. Without additional income, at some point, I guess I will have to discontinue the subscription.

So today is our Independence Day. My son Ihsan had just came back the day before. Together with him, we decided to spend this Independence Day by paying a visit to my sister in KL given that her husband had just went for a pacemaker procedure. Also met with my brother Nordin there. Learned about the health problem of my musician brother Dzafa and it sounds worrying. My prayers for him and others in the family. Given my limited resources for now (preparing for my youngest forthcoming studies), this is the least I can do.

While we celebrate independence day, above all the things that one can discuss & contemplate on, is basically interdependence. No one can survive alone and it is much more difficult to put in actions (over words) for whatever we desire. Sometime we fail to realise this, thinking solely only on what we want, not realizing this is rarely the way of the world. May Allah grant us wisdom and ease in this world and the hereafter.

Varia: The Week Leading to Anniversary

Yesterday was our 32nd wedding anniversary and we celebrated it rather modestly. Let us backtrack for a few days more.

Given that I have 'more time' these days, I spent a little bit more on social media looking at all the viral issues being discussed, only to be depressed. There are many more educational materials in the internet but there seems to be more gravitation to dubious sources. Even with AI, I do think we need to read real books and reflect more. I do give such advices to my own family. I shared the following video to my family: key phrase - question everything. When I look at my book collection, I realised that my family rarely touch them. Of course, most of these are on maths and physics, which they will not be interested in. But I do have plenty of religious books and self-help books too. A large percentage of them is in English and the non-English ones many are written by Indonesian authors. In a way, I saw that people only read what is familiar and understandable. I worry about where these books should go, once I'm gone. At the same time, I rushed my writing on my Malay blog to post this, so that more could benefit from what I have been thinking.

The weekend also saw some mild earthquake happened in Segamat. Rather unexpected. I post the following to my family WhatsApp.

While not trying to be alarmist, one should always be aware of such news. In fact, this morning, another earthquake was felt and posted the news in my family's WhatsApp. I will keep posting things that I feel important.

During the weekend, we went to UiTM Shah Alam for my youngest son to collect his convocation gown. The convocation will be in mid September.

After collecting the convocation gown, he took some photos there after donning it.

Just two days before, he collected his new pair of glasses after a visit to our local opthamologist (it was detected that he had high astigmatism in one eye). 

To add, I also bought myself a new pair of leather shoes just for his convocation to conform to the dress code during the convocation. I was not sure if my Skecher shoes is allowed (wore these because of my back problem). Soon I hope, he will register for his BSc degree. By then, I hope I could manage with the extra expenses if he stays far away. I pray that everything will be well.

Last night, my other half and I decided to go out and have dinner at the local Middle Eastern restaurant.

I thought that I wore a smile when the pics were taken. I guess these were the best that I can do with many things on my mind. Don't worry, be happy.