The Last New Post?

What title should I give this post?

Anyway, last Monday, which is the public holiday of Deepavali, we send back our youngest son back to college. He was still recuperating from the fever he had - it did not intensify over the weekend and thus probably just a normal flu (as opposed to influenza). Bought some food items for him during the weekend and banked in some pocket money hopefully enough for another two weeks. While we were there at his college, I helped out carrying things to his room and I met his room mate, Shahrul. It is good to meet and know him.

Driving back home, there was traffic congestion almost all the way as people are returning home to work from the long weekend.

The following few days, I was thinking about the future a little. I come to the following thought of not putting myself as a burden to anyone while still hoping for some opportunities. In the past, I was always asking what and how I can contribute to the organizations I'm with. While we are earnng our pay, I sometime get offended being labelled as simply 'makan gaji'. I do hope people see that I have tried to go beyond that, played my role in building ip theoretical physics. During the early stage of my carreer, some probably thought I was just doing high energy physics, though the training was on mathematical physics adaptable to many different domains but the specialization was quantization. I was generally eyeing on the mathematical techniques that I can use for me to explore various types of physics. This explain why the different areas of research that I was involved in.

Right now, out of current rave about AI, I started to listen to many AI podcasts, just to keep my options open. During the MSC rave, I tried to get into webste building, learn some computer programming and at the time, I was interested to do computer visualization (even helped building an MSc curriculum in the 90s surrounding topics of Computational Physical Sciences, which includes even quantum computing - that early - but it was never realized). I was also trying to popularize Mathematica as a tool for doing science but those closer to engineering preferred a different software. Indeed just a few days ago, I had to sadly uninstall my Mathematica software from my laptop as it was eating up 5GB of my hard drive and causing problems to my laptop. I would have to resort to WolframAlpha after this. So after that (brief) period of computer visualization interest, I found myself leaving these computational sciences (as they are rapidly changing) and focus back on doing mathematical stuff. So, given this experience, my interest in AI is a bit more cautious, probably focusing more on mathematical matters.

One of the things I did was to buy Emad Mstaque's e-book The Last Economy over in Google Play. I have been listening to Emad Mostaque several times and he seems to be well-respected, As he was a hedge fund manager and founder of an AI company, he has the expertise to write on the topic. Reading it on Google Play is not really my thing and I was hoping to have a pdf version. Little did I know that it was available at his Intelligent Internet website. Anyway, just finished reading the whole thing this afternoon (yes, I'm a slow reader and would be 'hopeless' in the AI age). Hopefully I can convert some of my notes into a blog post in Acu Frekuensi soon.

The journey continues .... ?
Or should I stop?

Education - Are We OK

Woke up this morning, thinking of what is wrong with me and then extending it beyond myself and see what is wrong with this world.

There is a lot online about how current education has 'worsened' and much of this tend to do the easy blame game, some degenerated into political comments. These are often of no help and in fact may deteriorate the situation. Here is my take on this and I hope it will be limited to this post. Too much noise on this.

First, the current education system is inherited from past policies, good and bad. Second, education goes beyond the classroom and the education syatem is very much an open system subject to external influences. Focusing on the first and ignoring the second will make us continue with the same mistakes. There is so much filth online accessible to anyone and external prohibitive measures often do not work. Have we been able to educate ourselves and our kids to guard ourselves against external negatve influences. We all have seen acts of bullying, violence, sexual abuse online and some are proud to exhibit them online (no shame or fear?). Remember the four letter word that has been adopted as part of vocabulary of many to express disgust, surprise or even feeling cool about it? Such expressions would have made Steve Rogers say 'Language'. For muslims, we know that we should not use such foul language but somehow the wider community has normalised it (even a political leader of superpower country uses it publicly). Are we okay with it? Take this further in the age of AI and there are already talks of sexbots, erotica agents acting to your whims (listen to this to know on their existence - mentioned in the podcast about Grok's naughty agent - and how we are making our brains to evolve). On the larger scale, are we ok with the current g*n*cide in the Middle East available for everyone to watch (note that embarrassingly I even have the fear of spelling some words in full, why?). Even on the abstract level, are we ok with the idea of truth being malleable according to each own's world views?

Some treat education as a monolith and expect a single stroke of solution (policy or whatever) to make education right. In reality, we all understand the multidimensional aspects of education and yet we are entertaining comments that are unidimensional. At this stage, I have always maintained that teaching and learning are creative processes but what happens now, we tend to make them as an algorithmic process, often introducing bureaucratic processes along the way, adding workload to the teaching and learning agents, positively or negatively. Are we ok with monolithical instructions with the risk of stifling creativity and not to mention lessening the passion of agents in the teaching and learning processes? I tend to see many plans and strategies were made within an engineering framework (see remark later about Snowden's complex system approach). But there are many aspects to education for any single person or body to handle; there are too many aspects being entangled - our colonial past, our cultural values, our social engineering experiments, external technological incursions, all giving rise to our present state of society. That is why I'm more interested in diffusion processes as used by Snowden (see this for example) and consider dispositional states and adjacent possibilities within the Sensemaking and Cynefin frameworks. This is more action-oriented and perhaps fall outside the formal classroom system to be considered as a possible solution. I remember mentioning about Snowden's approach and a junior colleague said that it would not work here. Maybe so, but how can we proceed then? We think we know what we want (do we really) but yet we do not know how to get there.

I'm a retiree now and my actionable sphere is limited. As such, the actional sphere (burden) falls upon the younger generations in order to better our educational system. I'll shut up now. Will resume taking gabapentin (see here) perhaps to dull my senses, growing old as I'm supposed to.

Learning with my three-legged cat, the companion of an old person.

Mid October Already?

At some point, I paused posting anything. Partly, I was busy handling personal matters and partly, I also resisted the feeling that I have to be posting something, just because I wanted to be a content creator (I used to joke with my youngest as content kereta). Many do so, to an extent that I felt silly, making things up just to get the attention of others. I would prefer not to do that and in fact, I am really a shy person all my life and only got to be a 'social' person out of necessity. Otherwise I prefer to fade in the background, doing my own kind of things uninterrupted.

Speaking of my youngest, he was fetched by my eldest to be home for the long Deepavali weekend. Apparently, he was down with fever and given the current influenza outbreak, I took him to the clinic this afternoon.

Let me retrace back to several days earlier. Well, October was the month of Nobel Prize announcements and the Nobel Prize in Physics  this year goes to a discovery in quantum science, namely macroscopic quantum tunnelling. 

In the past, I would have written something 'elaborate' in the social media or make a blog post about it. This time, I don't feel like to, because of the feeling that everyone seems to champion quantum S&T these days and like what I've said above, I prefer staying in the background and not be a 'quantum cheerleader'. For chemistry, I find it interesting to see Omar Yaghi as one of the Nobel laureates, given that he is a son of a Palestinian refugee. But perhaps the name also stand out to me, because of his visits to UPM before this.

Back to personal matters; on Wednesday, we rushed to Rompin to visit my sister-in-law and her husband who just had an accident. This is the shape of their car. Really bad, total loss.

They were hit by a runaway oil-palm carrying lorry, rolling down a slope without a driver. Alhamdulillah, they escaped with only bruises and minor cuts. The husband (driver) spent a night at the hospital (now discharged). My sister-in-law was actually thrown into the back seat on impact. I can't imagine what they were feeling then. It could have been worse. Their car went into one side of a ravine while the lorry went to the other side. So far they are ok. Here's a pic of my sons with Abang Mat (rightmost, the driver).

Today, while my eldest went to fetch my youngest, we had our breakfast at an eatery in City Park. My son had a job interview this morning and another interview online in the afternoon. He has yet to arrive home this evening, probably stuck in the traffic jam as people going off for holidays for the long Deepavali weekend. I have returned the Macbook that he bought for me back to him since he needed it more than I do. I'm fine with my old laptop as is. When I have enough money, I just hope to upgrade the hard disk and get a new battery - probably will stick with it till the end.

That's it for now.

Back to College Varia

On Saturday, we send back our youngest son Izzuddin, back to college for his BSc studies. It was also my first time using the petrol subsidy Budi Madani for my car that has not been used for awhile. I paid RM50 for petrol that was supposed to RM65.33. Every help counts. 

Most of the registration matters was done online and his registration at the campus was a breeze. My other half helped pay his fees while I provide for his pocket money for at least for the first two weeks (to be topped up later). 

Despite all the preparations for this trip, there are still some necessities that we forgot to bring e.g. a pillow, padlock for his locker. So we went out to get these as well as bringing him to lunch.

We left him at the college sometime before 2pm.

After having him stay with us since his industrial ttaining, I kinda felt sad as we drove away. I used to joke a lot with him at home and I will certainly miss him. I pray that he will be successful in his studies.

Currently our third son is with us at home and he is currently seeking for a new job. Today we will be sending his car for service. So we are pretty much occupied at home with personal matters. Elsewhere, the news is abuzzed with the humanitarian aid floatilla to Ghazza being intercepted at international waters. The floatilla group, this time, is big consisting of 496 participants from 47 different countries.

They have been 'arrested' on interception and many are still being held in prison despite the international protests. With the help of our Prime Minister and many others, 23 of Malaysian participants have been released, alhamdulillah.

On another piece of interesting news, the Prime Minister has also announced the forming of a national team for quantum science & technology. I do not know who will be on board but I certainly hope that it will be inclusive particularly given that there is already the MyQI initiatives. 

I am also happy to see that my younger colleagues in UPM has started to organize events in collaboration with UM (see here). I hope that it will be successful.

Just Another Derailed Post

Well, earlier planned things seem to have derailed but life goes on, of course,with  relatively tight budget (particularly just found out that even my final part-time pay being further delayed). My real main concern is not so much about myself but my children. Sometimes I do feel that they deserve to have a better father so that they get better support. 

Anyway, I woke up today recalling the economic hard times when I was a BSc student. I was send to Adelaide under Ministry of Education scholarship. My parents are not rich to send me abroad and without the scholarship, I would probably be studying locally like my other brothers and sister. Recalling how my parents must have struggled to make sure that I have enough cash to study will make me go teary. During the matriculation year, I did try to get some side income (together with my housemates) to work removing rubbish but the (Malay) employer decided I was too physically weak. I tend to joke around about this - not good enough to be a rubbish remover. I remember an incident where we were scolded by the bus driver for paying fares in copper coins (one cent and two cents usually collected from change after buying something). Another memory of when we fall short of cash is cooking for the housemates with frying onions with turmeric just to eat with our rice. I also tried keeping long hair with the excuse of not having enough money.

Those were the days but now I would want to provide enough for my children so that they won't go hungry. Coming up this weekend, my youngest will go to UiTM Jasin for his BSc degree. Got to make sure he has enough money for meals and stuff like fees. 

Last Friday, we did solatul-hajat after Friday prayers for the Global Sumud Flotilla which has Malaysian participants in it, so that they have safe journey and their humanitarian aid that they carry will be safely received by the Ghazzans there. I am aware also that some might raise a different narrative even among the locals. I also saw Islamophobic posts on social media but really, it doesn't matter for us Muslims, just recalling the hadith of Ghuraba. Maybe those uninitiated locals who harbour such feelings will better listen from a fair-skinned Westerner (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVtgaIzPkes). Also from a surgeon who has seen all the horrors (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5csAOVUIpUw)

Recently I shared a post about John Searle in which I initially was unaware about the controversy about it. Note that there are many other scientific personalities with controversies, for instance the following on this quantum legend. The intent of this sharing is mainly awareness about what is already known in public. In some way, I tend to compartmentalize the scientific life from the personal life when one can. In areas where one can't, one just distance away or beware of cultural trappings.

Inner feelings of sailing away ....

Varia: September End Matters

Alhamdulillah, yesterday my third son, whom we had not seen for awhile, came back home. Just earlier in the week, my second son also came back home much due to his place had water disruptions. Apparently, he had contracted conjunctivitis and the day after he arrived home, went to the clinic to get some medication.

Our youngest also went for a medical check-up at the same time for his BSc admission. He will be going to UiTM in Jasin for a BSc degree in Computer Science. When he first got the offer, he did not get a college accommodation. This will mean that he has to find a house somewhere near the university and associated with this, will mean he has to bring the Aveo green car (was used by our eldest) as means of transportation. It also meant that his expenses will be higher. He made an appeal for a college accommodation and alhamdulillah, the appeal was succesful (two days ago). So, God willing, we will be sending him to UiTM Jasin next weekend. A day ago, I used up my MyKasih assistance to buy some things for him to bring to the college and some things for home. Every assistance matters for us.

I have not been doing much earlier in the week because I experienced some food poisooning (I think) and it left me relatively weaker. My other half also contracted conjunctivitis from my son (after tending to my son) but she immediately took medication. This is always the risk for frontliners when tending to patients that possibly many did not realise (imagine the scare during the Covid-19 pandemic) - so be kind to medical practitioners.

Other matters: I bought Emad Mostaque's "The Last Economy" through GooglePlay and it was my first experience to do so. I first heard of him during the Moonshot podcast and he seems to be well respected among the AI circle. Here is a recent example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkKeK0qWrxI

My reading of it is kinda slow, but I hope to give review in my Malay blog later on. In the meantime, let me share some reels I build using AI for some mathematical thoughts. Note these are done by using a free version of PixVerse and as such they are not of too much technical depth. To do more, I guess one needs a subscribed version and for now, given that I have no extra income, I will avoid doing so. The first video is a Hopf fibration and since the three-sphere requires four dimension, I specify the extra dimension as a the animation time. As such, the 3-sphere will have expanding radius (compactifying it will mean 'closed time-like curve).

The other one is hyperbolic tessellation using triangle group; I did not specify which triangle group it is. The video is less visually attractive; to do more, will need more technical prompt, which I do not bother for now.

With more resources, I guess one could make more interesting animations. I'm still explooring what else can be done (did one for Kochen-Specker vectors in 3 dimensions but it does not add any more understanding and thus I have deleted it).

Time Slipping By

Yesterday was my other half's birthday. I just bought a chocolate cake (she loves chocs) plus some food for dinner. We simply use birthdays (or other events) as a reason to celebrate and be happy. Circumstances can be better but we are contented with what Allah has given us. We will say 'Alhamdulillah' (God willing) if things are good or bad.

So time is slipping away for us. Being old, if we are not careful, will appear to others as being useless. I keep reading (or watching YouTube videos) to keep my mind active. I don't go out too much and the kind of work I do most of the time at home forces me to be less (physically) mobile. I should be more mobile to help me with my bad back. Today, for instance, had the intention to an event of my in-laws, but unfortunately my indigestion and back problems suggest that I should not go. So I spent my time watching videos of the experience of activists going to Ghazza and elsewhere. I shared one of these on FB of Australian doctors whom at the end, made a remark that they are unsure if they will be alive the next day. May Allah help them all. Our prayers are the least that we could offer.

So you can probably see I spend less time on scientific matters, sadly, mainly attending to many personal issues and depressing state of affairs of the world in general. I hope to return to working on science soon.

Just to entertain myself and my other half last night, I did this AI video so that we could be 'younger'.

The AI tool that I was using is PixVerse. The first video I made was our three-legged cat Hitam.

Again, this is mere entertainment but I hope I can use AI in a more beneficial way. May Allah guide us in these challenging times.

Circa Malaysia Day

Right after Izzuddin's convocation on Saturday, we were blessed with a few-day streak of public holidays with Malaysia Day on September 16 (Tuesday) and the Prime Minister had declared the Monday before will be a public holiday. As expected, the highways are packed with cars of people going off for holidays and there was huge traffic jam almost everywhere. We only had a glimpse of such massive jam when we make our way back home from the convocation due to a fatal accident (see pic).

We stayed mostly at home during these holidays tending to personal matters. We did one 'out-of-ordinary' thing during the holidays. We had our own version ice-bucket challenge! This was recommended to us to alleviate us from some problems affecting us. 

When I asked Gemini what are the benefits, it gave me this:

Ice baths and cold-water immersion offer benefits for muscle recovery, mood, and mental resilience, though some effects are more scientifically established than others. The practice involves soaking in cold water, typically between 50°F and 60°F (10°C–15°C), for short durations.

Physical benefits

Reduces muscle soreness and inflammation. The cold temperature causes blood vessels to constrict, which helps reduce swelling and inflammation after an intense workout. This reduces delayed-onset muscle soreness (DOMS).

Aids in workout recovery. By constricting blood vessels, cold-water immersion helps flush metabolic waste products, like lactic acid, from the muscles. When you exit the bath, blood flow increases, delivering oxygen and nutrients to aid muscle repair.

Improves circulation. The rapid change from vasoconstriction (narrowing of blood vessels) in cold water to vasodilation (widening) afterward acts like a pump, boosting circulation.

Boosts metabolism. Regular cold exposure can increase your metabolic rate as your body works to stay warm. Over time, this may increase brown fat activity, a type of fat that burns calories to generate heat.

Supports the immune system. Some studies suggest that regular exposure to cold water may boost the production of white blood cells, which can help the body fight off illnesses.

Mental benefits

Enhances mood and focus. Cold-water immersion triggers a release of endorphins and neurotransmitters like dopamine and noradrenaline. This can lead to a sustained boost in mood, alertness, and focus.

Improves mental resilience. Voluntarily stepping into a stressful situation, like a cold bath, and controlling your reaction can build mental fortitude and improve your ability to cope with other stressors.

Reduces anxiety and stress. The endorphin release can alleviate stress and anxiety, promoting a sense of well-being.

May help with sleep. The stress reduction and muscle relaxation that comes from an ice bath may help you get a better night's sleep.

Important considerations and risks

Listen to your body. Start with short, controlled sessions (e.g., 30 seconds to a few minutes) and gradually increase your tolerance. Do not overdo it, especially if you are new to the practice.

Risks of cold shock. The initial shock of cold water can cause gasping and a rapid increase in heart rate. People with cardiovascular conditions, such as high blood pressure, should consult a doctor before trying cold plunges.

Effects on muscle growth. Some studies suggest that taking an ice bath immediately after resistance training may interfere with long-term muscle adaptation and growth. It is generally recommended that strength athletes use ice baths sparingly to maximize gains.

Timing matters. For recovery after high-intensity or endurance training, an ice bath right after your workout is beneficial. For muscle growth, you might wait several hours or use it on an off-day.

To describe a little of my experience on this, the first trial had me experiencing bad brain freeze as the ice-cold water was poured on my head and the pain lingered on even after the cold bath. The next trial was less severe. The third trial however coincided with me feeling unwell with mu indigestion and bad back episode. There is some beneficial change, perhaps psycohologically, that some of my pain become relatively less intense and definitely I slept better.

So I've started using AI tools a little bit more these days but I'm still very much a beginner in using them and have not explored them in a more meaningful way. One of these tools is Claude. On first use, I decided to check out what I thought might not be known too much within English reading materials: I asked the meaning of my own name:

Hishamuddin is a beautiful Arabic name with rich etymological roots! Let me break down its components and meanings for you. Etymology and Structure: Hishamuddin is a compound name consisting of two parts:Hisham (هشام) + ud-din (الدين). The connecting element "ud" means "of" in Arabic. Hisham (هشام): Derives from the Arabic root ه-ش-م (h-sh-m). Comes from the verb "hashama" meaning "to crush" or "to break".

The name Hisham traditionally means "crusher" or "generous". It can also relate to someone who breaks bread for others, symbolizing hospitality and generosity. Historically significant as the name of Hisham ibn Abd al-Malik, an Umayyad caliph. Ud-din (الدين): "Din" means "religion," "faith," or "way of life" in Arabic. Often appears in Islamic names to denote religious devotion. The construct "ud-din" means "of the faith" or "of the religion". Complete Meaning: Hishamuddin translates to "Crusher/Generous one of the Faith" or "The Generous Defender of Religion"

Word Constellation: Related to concepts of generosity, hospitality, and religious devotion. Connects to other "-uddin" names like Salahuddin, Nuruddin, JamaluddinLinks to the broader Arabic naming tradition of combining personal qualities with religious devotionThe name carries connotations of both strength (crushing/breaking) and benevolence (generosity), combined with spiritual dedication — a powerful combination in Islamic naming traditions.

Next, I tried a more esoteric query surrounding Javanese numerology for names. Please note that I only did this just for fun (not believing in them).

Your Javanese Numerology Analysis for Hishamuddin: Weton 18 Characteristics: With a weton of 18, you fall into a specific category in Javanese astrology. People with this weton are traditionally considered to have: Strong leadership qualities - You naturally attract others and can guide them. Generous nature - This aligns beautifully with your name Hishamuddin, which means "generous one of the faith". Spiritual inclination - Your high weton number suggests deep spiritual awareness. Authoritative presence - Others look to you for guidance and wisdom. Name-Weton Harmony: The combination is particularly powerful because: Your name Hishamuddin means "generous defender of faith". Your Saturday Pahing birth suggests leadership and spiritual authority. The number 18 reinforces themes of guidance and religious devotion. This creates a harmonious profile of someone destined for spiritual leadership and generous service to others - a person whose very nature (weton) aligns with the meaning embedded in their name.

I hope I will be able use these AI tools more intelligently in the future. It has helped me with one mathematical problem that I was not unsure how to think about it. I have been listening to a lot of podcasts on AI. There is this belief that AI will make profound change in our lives just like how internet did in the past. Some painted doom and gloom about the AI advances while others hyped up the benefits. It will most probably be something in between. It would probably need some form of safe regulatory practices in the future.

Another thing that happened was a (slight) heightening of  my 'spiritual' awareness and I started to pick up some of my old books. One of which is the book by Sheikh Uthman El-Muhammady.

I guess in the past, I have been reading this book with the yearning of being some kind of mystic but today, I just want to be a normal good Muslim. Hopefully this feeling can be sustained and they will be added to my good deeds for the hereafter.

Finally, I wished that we use social media with care. Whatever we write or share will affect others and we will be held responsible on the outcomes. I tend to use them less and less now (knowing that there will be toxicity).

Izzuddin's September 2025 Convocation

Some months back, we were told about our youngest son's convocation for his Diploma degree that is to be held at UiTM main campus in Shah Alam. We did not know the date in the beginning. Once we knew th date some weeks back, we quickly booked two rooms at Seeds Hotel there since we know it will be fully booked quite quickly, particulalrly when it councided with school holidays and also the long weekend of Malaysia Day's public holiday.

So on Friday this week, our son Ihsan came back home from JB in the wee hours of the morning after finishing his night shift and let him rest for the whole morning before we start our journey to Shah Alam. We took off immediately after Friday prayers and reached the hotel just after 4pm. WE decided there and then that we should extend our stay for another night since the convocation session Izzuddin is in is the afternoon sesion which ends probably around 5 pm.

We had a late evening tea at the restaurant just besides the hotel.

For diner, we went out to Polperro slightly a distance away as everyone opted for Western meal - I had lasagne myself but I was already full after having rojak during evening tea.

For breakfast the next morning, we simply ate at the restaurant besides the hotel. We left the hotel asound 11-ish to head off to UiTM to avoid the rush. There is a designated place where the parents will have to park and from the parking space, buses are provided to ferry the parents and families to the convocation hall. 

We decided that we went into the hall early to get a good seating place.

Since we were early, we had a long wait before the ceremony really starts. It was freezing inside

These are my attempts of taking photos of Izzuddin while he was on stage and since we were far away above in the balcony, the pictures are taken from the televised screen in the hall and thet were not that clear.

The whole ceremony ended just before 5pm. Note that we had not gotten our lunch before we went in and we were very hungry.

We decided to go back to the hotel as soon as we finished our late lunch (avoiding the rush going out). We rested awhile at the hotel before we went out again for dinner.

Today, we checked out from the hotel after fajr. We were anticipating a huge amount of traffic and indeed there was a standstill traffic jam just before the Seremban RnR due to a bad accident. We decided not to have breakfast at the RnR to avoid the crowd. Instead, we had our breakfast at Seremban 2 City Park restaurant. Rested once we reached home. After lunch, Ihsan went back to JB.

I Dream of Gibbons

In my last post, I mention about the honorary fellowship conferred to me last Saturday. I also posted the news on FB but I hope it is not viewed as braggery and me being full of myself. I would like to consider it posting more on positive matters as opposed to negative ones that seem to flood the social media. In fact, I'm more comfortable to post things on my blog than social media that pushes content to people's face. Blogs are often read only by those who are interested in them.

By saying the above, I would like to project my views about myself as being an average person who had opportunities to go abroad learning theoretical physics and the motivation to improve oneself on and on until I guess I'm on my deathbed. There will be ups and downs but the general direction is improvement. I would also like to push back the idea of mediocrity that some might want to paint. In the past, I would be obsessive of such a push-back but at this age and tiredness, I take things in a stride and be contented with what Allah have ordained for me.

Just to get a glimpse the subconscious psyche in me, some weeks back, I dreamt of talking to Gary Gibbons and I woke up, questioning why did I dream of him (note that I had other researchers who have influenced me more). Gibbons was there in DAMTP when I did Part III but I had never met him up close. I did meet his collaborator, Malcolm Perry (Gibbons & Perry collaborated on the seminal paper of Positive Mass Theorems for Black Holes together with Hawking and Horowitz) face-to-face asking if he has Witten's Holomorphic Morse Inequalities paper (since he had been to Princeton) just for me to get a copy (and he gave me one). Researchwise, I have not being reading papers of Gibbons recently and influencewise, the papers of Gibbons that attracted me more are not the usual ones that people refer to (e.g. Traffic Noise and the Hyperbolic Plane). Just a few days later, then I saw the news of Gibbons as one of the recipients of the 2025 Dirac Medal.

No, I'm not telling you this story as if I've been granted Divine secrets or that I have clairvoyant capabilities (far from it!). The real reason is perhaps how the story went in this dream. In the dream, I put up the courage to talk to Gibbons who had expounded on an idea that I had publicised (yes, it's only a dream) and tried to sound intelligent. On hearing my points/questions, he was telling me how shallow they are and I was taken aback and felt embarrassed. The story actually reflects the reality of what we have been facing and tried to overcome. Most of the time, we explore ideas of theoretical physics but found difficulty in getting their technical details, much due to our less exposure or really the lesser experience of technical depth in researching them. The inferiority complex and the insecurity is somewhat ingrained in us and it is a real challenge to overcome this. Part of the motivation in organizing schools like EQuaLS is to overcome this challenge. The fact I'm still dreaming this shows that we have yet to do this successfully, despite the many EQuaLS we have organized. We need something more. In the past, we had QuEST almost weekly meetings and incorporate the Gelfand (seminar) mentality in the meetings. However, it is difficult to maintain such meetings given our commitments. Again, having activities is only part of the story; we need the right environment that can nurture our curiosities and technical capabilities. We need to reflect on our priorities, I guess,

When I told my wife about the dream, she told me I was thinking too much about work and reminded me that I am now a retiree. But that doesn't mean I should stop thinking about science, right?

Honorary Fellow and Failed Visits

Yesterday, the Malaysian Institute of Physics (IFM) conferred to me the Honorary Fellowhip of the organization. I knew about the matter actually weeks ago when the Secretary of the organization; I was surprised but felt honoured. I kept mum about it until it was officially given to me yesterday.

 

Perhaps what is not known to many is that I was already a fellow of the Institute before, since 1998. This was before I got my associate professorship in the year 2000.

So what is the difference between a fellow and an honorary fellow? Unsure myself, I searche this on Google and Gemini gave me this summary:

When I read this, I was wondering what has been 'outstanding' about me, particularly towards IFM. I only served as a council member of IFM for only several years (in 1994). At the time, I had just came back from Bintulu Campus of UPM (now rebranded as Universiti Putra Malaysia Sarawak - UPMS) and I was trying to be active through IFM and various other committees at the university and at the national level. However after, I received my first administrative position in UPM as head of laboratory in 2002, I had to focus on development of the labs at the institutes (then ITMA and INSPEM). My last administrative position is as Deputy Director at INSPEM. Before landing at this position, I started off Expository Quantum Lecture Series (EQuaLS) in 2007 and later had IFM coorganized some of these events. The pictures below are from EQuaLS5 with the late IFM president Prof. Chia Swee Ping and John Baez is among the invited speakers.

Actually even before INSPEM, there were activities in ITMA involving IFM.

I think these lecture series are among my accomplishments and these event triggered research directions that our group has pursued. The main aim was really to get our theorists acquainted with the technical level of the distinguished speakers. Some indeed questioned why our group has not collaborated or co-wrote papers with these speakers but that was not the aim. Proper progress requires an organic growth of our talents and usually this is a slow process. Among the results is that one of EQuaLS1 speaker, the late Prof S.T. Ali became the supervisor of my younger colleague Assoc. Prof. Dr. Nurisya Mohd Shah who is now a Fellow of IFM, appointed in the same ceremony (congrats to her),

So what is the responsibilities of an honorary fellow? I had Gemini giving me this answer: 

I will try my best to do so and may Allah help me with my duties.

While we were in UM for the above conferring, we thought that we should just cross over to Shah Alam to visit our son Izhar whom we have not seen for quite some time. Unfortunately he was not there when we arrived.

So instead, we went to a mall to get our lunch and we went to Masjid Denai Alam to perform our prayers.

This morning, we made another visit to his place in DK Impian to see him but again, unfortunately he was not around to see us.

We left some goods at his door and hoped that he is alright wherever he is (may Allah grant him safety, peace and tranquility in performing his duties). I told my other half, we should not do anymore unplanned visits since the travels have their costs. Back home, we took back our sick cat Yaya from a clinic costing us about RM500+. Here is a video of Yaya recuperating.