Varia: Inevitable Aging Matters

Been awhile since I posted anything, much due to enormous amount of work. Right now after Fajr prayer, I thought I should post something before I get back into my work-rhythm.

Just a few weeks, I saw some queries in my XMUM e-mail account from international students about possibility of doing PhD and MSc studies with me. Where did they get this information from, I thought. It was only then, I realised that the department put up a webpage of me in the departmental webpages. Being a part-timer (whose affiliation is only on a contract basis semester-by-semester), I replied to them I had to decline. Also at this old age, perhaps supervision is best left to younger energetic people. I no longer want to be blamed for 'unfruitful' research life ventures (note that as far as I'm concerned, students have been given ample freedom to choose what they want to do).

Speaking of old age, it certainly does not disqualify me for being adventurous or creative. There was this phenomena of using ChatGPT to create a picture of what their life looks like. Before asking it to do that, I started asking scientific questions that I was interested to know (mainly quantum and mathematical stuff) for this 'soulless' entity to gather information about me. I also include my 60-ish age, then it produced this first pic.

Pretty boring, I thought and then I remembered I haven't told it I have musical interests and after I did, it produced the following.

Hmm ... my old age must have made the vinyls appearing in the pic. Not to be depicted as a person with mainly Western music interests, I then mentioned gamelan. Next, it gave me this.

Wasn't quite the gamelan picture I had wanted (rather modern-ish). I wanted to ask for more pics but I have reached the limit of its free usage. More than a week later, I asked it again to depict me as a Westerner, trying to push back the stereotyping of the West being better from some quarters.

Put it online and caused some reactions. No, I'm not taking this seriously.

Having aged, physically I'm weaker now. Yesterday, I even postponed a meeting with an international lecturer because I had just delivered a three hour (intense) lecture, felt so tired and if I wanted to meet him, I had to wait until 5pm. So pushed it to another day. Indeed this is the norm, by the end of each day at work, I would go home feeling exhausted and rested early. That is not so good in my current situation given I have around 1000 exam scripts to mark from the two courses I am teaching (I'm only paid through my teaching hours, the rest is all from a sense of duty). These scripts are shared among three lecturers where each lecturer marks specific questions. If I really want to finish them, I have to continuously work through the night. Perhaps that is how Tyson felt in his recent match.

Old age also means we are closer to our own end. Few weeks back, a UPM colleague passed away, Dt. Mahdi Abdul Wahab. We used to car pool to go to work with Dr. Wan Daud, Dr. Osman (from Ladang) and Mohd. Salleh (from Economy). While together in the car pool then, I thought I barely know him. We stopped car pooling when I got the administrative job in ITMA. May Allah forgive him and his soul be among the righteous.

Life is short. Right now, I continue to work at Xiamen to ensure I can provide sufficiently for my family. I have to say, if I had my way, I would prefer not to work (that hard) and have a more peaceful life. I rarely want to post personal stuff online and if I did, it is mainly for record for me to refer to later. But somehow some individuals must have thought that I'm so rich and kept asking money from me. That is why I rarely want to use Messenger these days.

Complain and hate is in abundance online. In one post, I said that the social media is a training ground for insolence (and ego building); we will all be held accountable for this. Recently, we receive our student evaluation after the midterm exams have passed. Some criticisms I can handle and I can try to improve upon but some are really nasty. When one first reads this online, the first reaction is often gloom (and doom) and took a while to recover. After a while, rationalization kicks in and given almost 300 students in my classes, there is bound to be some hate for this miserable brown-skinned person. I'm there to teach and that is what I will do, educate with technical materials and some ethics (can be intense sometime).

I'll end with better news. My younger colleagues will be organizing EQuaLS 2024 this December. The themes this year is "A Precursor and Realignment Workshop to the International Year of Quantum Science and Technology 2025", perhaps the right time to forge better a national collaboration ahead as Kwek once told me that we have working in isolated islands before this.

Not sure of my participation just yet (maybe as a forum panelist), given my teaching duties and I will have just returned from SQST 2024. In any case, I wish them the success.

No Indoctrination Intended

Few months back, I received an email from abroad asking if I'm still in the institute or not and I replied in the negative. The person then wrote back but now with some negative tone and putting down some colleagues back then. I decided not to reply because of its negativity. The person then scolded me for not replying and thus, I replied saying I have no interest in bringing up things of the past particularly negativities. I said nobody is perfect and that I have moved on.

Time and time again, I do get negativities and today is one such day, which troubles me a little.

I'm not sure what this alludes to. Have I indoctrinated anyone in the past? I may have made remarks privately and they were often reactions to comments and remarks that I have received. Some time ago, I have always been reminded that the organization I was with, was for mathematicians (while I was a staff of Physics Dept.). I did convey to my junior colleagues that asserting this may not be deemed positive by others, will probably work against the institute and thus, I have advised against it in a way. With respect to mathematics, I have my deepest respect for the field, which is quite close to theoretical physics, particularly those within pure mathematics. Historically, mathematics and physics have been quite close - just simply dig up the evidence in the literature; it is all there. I may have also made private remarks on philosophy but this again often as reactions to philosopher friends and colleagues who touch upon theoretical physics matters. I remembered a few instances, a philosopher colleague then presented the hierarchy of knowledge placing mathematics above natural science and engineering, with maths just below metaphysics. Perhaps the ordering is along the abstraction axis, but to me this says little of ethical or even spiritual dimensions. During such presentations, I tend to calm myself down not to say too much and be respectful of what others had to say. It is unfortunate that people tend to elevate their fields of interest over those of others and then made condescending remarks. 

As far as I am concerned, I have been open to different types of sciences (sometimes is required of me being a management member of the institute), some more than others (much due to my own limited technical expertise). With students, I will often tell privately what I know and experience (including opinions), and I often presented matters in a way that they can build their own independent thoughts according to their capabilities. In a way, I regret that some might see me differently. I have posted about labels before in this blog before (see for instance here and here) and I think I have not been disrespectful. At this age, I guess I should care little of what people say and work on more productive things with the little time that I have left.

Happy Birthday Along

Recently, we encountered some difficulties. But Alhamdulillah, we were shown a way out just in time for us to celebrate our eldest son's birthday. Reminded me that Allah responded to our prayers sometime beyond expectation. Hope that we will be constantly guided to remain hopeful but yet we'll be pushing ourselves to be better.

So yesterday, we celebrated our eldest son's birthday in a modest way. May Allah ease his way through life and be successful in this life and (more in the) hereafter.

Even our partially blind cat is waiting for a piece of the cake.

Update on our three-legged cat: he is getting bigger and healthier. He is probably the most naughty of all. Behaviourwise, he reminded us of Lofa.

Back to Basics

The last time I taught basic physics and mathematics stuff was when I was asked to teach Diploma students in Bintulu campus, right after I reported duty in Serdang campus. At the time (in 1991), internet access is mainly for emails and there were no mobile or smart phones then; to call home (mum), I used a payphone. Earlier I did teach Diploma students in the main campus (1981-ish) for lab classes, and even designed an experiment or two based on my undergraduate experience. When I was back in the main campus, the department gave me quantum mechanics to teach and did that for many years, and later advanced theoretical subjects. So my experience with teaching basic physics/mathematics was rather limited.

Right now, in Xiamen University Malaysia (XMUM), I'm back to teaching basics, namely Applied Calculus (for business and finance students) and Linear Algebra (for data science and engineering students). While these are essentially basic and are taught to first year students of respective programmes, there are 'new' things that I get to learn while teaching these subjects. For instance, the vertical line test for functions (disallowing many-valued functions) and the horizontal line test for one-to-one functions, which I thought was quite neat thing to be taught for beginning calculus students. Note however these are meant for single-variable functions; unsure if they can be generalized neatly for many-variable functions. Right now, I have started to teach integration (after differentiation) to the students. In a way, it seems integration is harder to teach and was wondering if there is a more natural way to think about integration besides the usual 'area under the curve' approach. Searching the internet, I was surprised to see a school of thought that prefers integration to be taught first before differentiation. In fact, the classic book by Apostol, does it that way (see its table of contents below). Historically, it seems that integration comes earlier than differentiation - see the book "Calculus Reordered" by Bressoud. Will read both books with interest.

Some may very well thought it was strange that I do not know this but it is just one never really bothered to think about these questions until one has to teach them.

For Linear Algebra, I have finished teaching determinants and was asked to skipped the material on areas and volumes. I guess, the idea is that they will pick these up later since the textbook didn't introduce interior and exterior products of vectors to start with. I told the class, associated to these products are geometrical constructs like Kronecker delta tensor and the alternating tensor (which I do introduce in other courses before). There was a question in my head about how to introduce Laplace cofactor expansion of determinant beyond its computational us. I do remember Prof. Herbert Green taught us quite early in his course and I went to look for his notes (see below).

I found more gems as I looked through his notes; I certainly did not catch the depth of the ideas when I learned them. I have already mentioned in an earlier post how Prof. Green has influenced the way I think. For a write-up showing how original Prof. Green, I found this article. I'm thankful that I was blessed for being taught by him.

Quantum Budget?

Last Friday, our Prime Minister presented the budget for 2025. Being non-economist, my attention was probably not on the various details of the budget, apart from possible increase in pension pay that would be of considerable help in my personal life. However, there is one part of the budget speech that really caught my attention. A video of this part of the speech can be found in this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jp5YE7iYQV0

As expected, the announcement will cause some stir among some. One comment that I've heard from a respected colleague was, "I can't believe it", perhaps alluding to the thought of other aspirant 'quantum leaders'. There are indeed a few groups scattered in the public and private universities that wish for leading roles in quantum research. A more serious problem, however, is the information captured by some media, as if the announcement was made for quantum computing. I think if one reads the text more carefully, it would be clear that it is more on cybersecurity, particularly on post-quantum cryptography (PQC). I am very much aware that there is a team in the institute that I was in, has been pushing for PQC for some time now and I'm not surprised that this team's work has been highlighted given that they have put much effort in this.

For quantum enthusiasts, they might point out that PQC is not a quantum technology but to put them as totally separated or isolated from progress in quantum technology is too simplistic and certainly not realistic. For a start, PQC is spurred by developments in quantum computing or more specifically in quantum algorithms (these days, it has become necessary to narrow down scope of the science discussed due to too much hypes and claims). I have always put forward the idea that PQC needs to know the progress in quantum algorithms. As far as I know, quantum algorithms have yet to be fully understood and don't take this from me (a non-expert in quantum algorithms); listen to Scott Aaronson here. What if another potential 'Peter Shor' comes along and the landscape of quantum algorithm will undergo more revolutionary changes (see here for a typology of quantum algorithms). Anyway, like many sciences, the big field of quantum science and technology is open to all to explore and if some particular group and individual wish to lead, they may want to go an extra mile. In a way, I subscribe to this general view, though there should be precautionary steps to avoid (widely acceptable) falsities or unnecessary problematic assertions (and there are many for quantum physics with all the stirred fashions and fantasies around it, using the labels made by Roger Penrose). For me, I would like to see quantum computing as a new computing paradigm to understand science further as imagined by Feynman, instead of simply just being the boogey man for cryptologists. I hope that our local scientists will be humble; it will be unfortunate if there is a feeling among us that thinks of being the rightful heir to (making) any progress in Quantum S&T in the country (or for that matter, any sciences). No science can be developed by an exclusive group of a few; we need all of the help we can get for progress. We should avoid the mentality of 'if my group can't get it, then others should not'. Celebrate the various opportunities that are on offer.

Please note that I write this post not to give total unquestionable support to any group nor to hinder anyone from getting opportunities to excel or even lead in their own research (certainly not my purpose). As a retiree, I only wish for a good progress in the science I once pursue and will certainly watch with interest from the sidelines. If there is a need, I will throw my help and support, no matter who leads, though I understand my help may or may not be needed.

Donkey Carrying Books - Beyond the Black Box

Recently arXiv limits the catchup section to be only available for the last 90 days. Before this, the catch up section allows up to previous whole year. Suddenly, it was changed a few weeks ago. So, I thought I continue what I have been doing, but now another problem arises when I scoured more recent catch-up materials. My (quick) browsing of links probably has automatically triggered something that arXiv reported back 'rate exceeded'. This makes me reflect more on why I'm doing this.

When I was in Singapore years ago, I remembered an academic staff there saying 'what a waste of time' on seeing me archiving links for my own use. I was startled by the comment and in some way felt offended. I tried to rationalize my behaviour as trying to be on top of scientific topics that I have some (vague) interests in it. Indeed, because of this, I have accumulated a lot of (hard-copy) materials (see pictures below) and perhaps even more of soft-copy materials.

Part of this behaviour is perhaps can be traced to my personal insecurity for being a member of a community that has been looked down upon (negative stereotypes) by others. I was brought into a culture that often looks up to others (particularly the West) with a form of inferiority complex. I wanted to be better and if possible prove these stereotypes being wrong. Having spent my time abroad, I saw this mindset being erroneous; one could be as good as others (if not better) as long as we put the work in it. Besides that, there will always be a better person somewhere and one is not really doomed by whatever stereotypes are there. A motto I had once was being a counterexample is (perhaps) more important than being an example.

Perhaps another strand of influence is from the family. I do remember my dad used to collect magazines, comics and books. On such collecting behaviour, I do notice that it runs in the family. One of my brother likes to record sports events, personalities etc. My musician brother tends to keep discographies of musicians, music magazines and of course audio materials. My own book-collecting behaviour perhaps started after I had some form of financial independence after joining UPM as a tutor. Before that I had quite a large music collection, pursuing the same interest as my musician brother. So one could guess where all my savings go.

I remembered one of my head of department saying that one sometimes needs to be a little crazy alluding to my behaviour of accumulating so much academic materials. A colleague in the Maths Institute once reminded me indirectly not to be like 'a donkey carrying books' (see Al-Jumu'ah verse 5). I was puzzled by this and reflected deeply on the matter until now. Another younger colleague commented on my behaviour of having too wide of an interest as probably set up as an excuse for not finishing one particular job. This remark too, I carried it in my mind until now. I certainly want to improve myself and not carry any form of disorder and behaviour that is adverse to my (mental, spiritual) growth. I make do'a almost every time in my prayers that I be granted beneficial knowledge and wisdom, and not to be lead astray.

This 'disorder' has sometimes 'paid off' particularly when interacting with international friends and visitors. Some expressed surprise of how much I know and some showed mutual respect. I'm saying this not to be egoistic but just the basic comfort of feeling good and at times feelings of achievement just enough for me to move on and grow.

At this old age, many times I felt I should stop and prepare only for my next life. However I still have to work and thus there is the need to be updated with new knowledge. A dream would be to discover something significant in my field but this is slipping away from me. I'm contented, however, knowing that I have tried my best and help develop theoretical physics here. Particularly, I wish to change our academic environment to be more technical in the mathematics being used. If there is a theme for this wish is to experience mathematics beyond a black box. For now on the archiving process, I will probably just limit myself to new arXiv listings, which requires me to browse daily (though there is the risk of some of these listings may be retracted or modified later).

Printer Desire Give-In, Fitting In, and the Nobel Surprise

In my last post, I mentioned about suppressing my desires to buy my personal stuff to conserve savings for unexpected expenses. This includes getting a new printer for my (teaching) job, hoping that my old printer momentarily shows signs of life (unfortunately, it did not) and at worst, I will have to send my printing jobs to a nearby shop (note: even the nearby stationery shop showed signs of closing down as sales plummet after the pandemic). By Sunday, I had this thought of giving in to the desire of buying a new printer (I don't know why). Thus, I've ordered a new multi-function printer online (usually cheaper than buying a new one from a local store). The only thing is that I won't get the printer there and then. To my surprise and delight, the new printer arrived in late afternoon yesterday. I did not do immediately the unboxing as I was too tired after coming back from work.

Later in the night, my youngest son help me do the unboxing and do the installation of the new printer. Initially, we could not get the printer to communicate with the laptop despite several attempts on the printer configuration. Luckily, I thought that it might not be the problem of the printer but possibly due to my laptop. Indeed, it only worked after rebooting the laptop.

So, I will now bid farewell to my old printer (due to be 'thrown' on Saturday when the local city council comes to collect recyclable goods).

Incidentally, sometime yesterday, I was told to print quiz questions to bring to my Monday class, which has 72 students. So, the new printer arrived at the right time for me to do this. On my current teaching job, I have gotten used to the system a bit more, doing more messaging through Microsoft Teams including booking venues for my replacement classes. On this, I must say doing replacement classes is a bit of a challenge given the large size of my classes. My smallest class has 72 students (the other two classes have 91 students and 111 students). Due to my past experience with not so good student evaluation in the past, I became more sensitive with students' grievances. So last Monday, when students were divided about my extension of the 3-hour class to four hours (since there is no class after my class), I took it seriously. I suggest to the students again to participate in the forum created in Moodle to find more suitable times for them (I saw one of them has responded and will no longer push for a 4-hour class). I must say, it will be almost impossible to satisfy every student's request given such a large number and hope that they understand this.

After my class yesterday (Tuesday), I met Dr. Foong See Kit who continued to teach part-time in Physics Department. I told him that I have crossed over to Maths Department after its HoD contacted me sometime before the semester starts. We also talked about roles of a part-time instructor in comparison to a full-time staff and shared some thoughts. The main thing is that we are there to facilitate with the teaching needed there and much of this stemmed from our desires to stay active and our love for teaching (of course, the money helps). In any case, I hope I can fit in better this time round and will go through the current semester successfully.

Trying to fit in is somewhat a story of my life, being a mathematical physicist of some sort. While in Physics Department, I had some trouble fitting in; while in Institute for Mathematical Research, found myself like an outsider as well (probably just my feelings then). There is a cliche saying of "To a physicist, I am a mathematician; to a mathematician, a physicist" (see this post). Perhaps a healthier (more positive) outlook is to say "With physicists, I would like to think like a physicist. With mathematicians, I would like to think like a mathematician." This saying is attributed to Sir Michael Berry but I could not find where precisely he said this (I remembered reading it). Searched the internet and found this interesting interview instead; putting it here for my reference. While in this topic of what fits what, yesterday, was the announcement of 2024 Nobel Prize in Physics. It went to John Hopfield and Geoffrey Hinton for the work on neural networks. It was certainly a surprise for me but some say that they lay the foundations of artificial intellige.nce, the current rave today. I know the name Hopfield through the Hopfield model in neural networks but was unaware of the name Hinton. I remembered borrowing books from my late eldest brother on theory of neural networks and neurocomputing; sadly I was not able to salvage them. Given the announcement yesterday, it spurred a lot of discussion about whether it should have been an award for physics or not. The Nobel Laureate Giorgio Parisi had this to say in a comment to Sabine's post:

"I think that the Nobel prize in physics should continue to spread into more regions of physics knowledge: physics is becoming wider and wider and it contains many areas of knowledge that did not exist in the past or were not part of physics. In the nutshell, physics is that part of science that depends essentially on mathematics and it is in a huge expansion both for conceptual reasons and for the incredible power of modern computers."

For me, in some ways, labels have become less important to me as I have a very wide interest in many subjects (though AI particularly NN, has yet to become one apart from Nature Language, which I have substantial interest) and whatever differences are there with respect to these labels do not form an interesting topic for me. I will certainly not say (at least in public) that the award should not be for physics (I'm very sure that the committee has thought a lot and debated on this). In any case, Howard Wiseman had this to say (paraphrasing), 'Now we know how chemists feel when physicists won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry'.

String theorist Ooguri in someone else's post, pointed to this article by Hopfield showing how much a physicist he is (doing solid state theory), before venturing out in biological physics and later to neural networks. Of course, some would still argue whether the results that he was cited for the Nobel Prize can be categorized as physics. For me, it is perhaps the physics-oriented thinking that one should look at. I still remember when we (Dr. Chan and me) started complex networks research in Institute for Mathematical Research  and published some local papers, Dr. Chan was uncomfortable with the question of whether the area (with applications to social systems) is really physics, I replied that part of complex networks fundamental work are being looked through the lens of statistical physics and hence should not worry too much. Much later, in a different setting, I quipped, if there is a 'Fizik Tulen', then the rest must be 'Fizik Tiruan'. This is meant to be a joke. Much of recent years, I have become more and more interested in condensed matter theories when topological and geometrical techniques find their way into condensed matter in a rather non-obvious way and in fact realizing abstract features normally found in more fundamental physics. Thus, I appreciate the evolution of Hopfield's research morphing from one area to another.

By the way, despite the Nobel Prize announcement yesterday, I have resisted the temptation to post anything on my FB. Perhaps (much) later, I will break this hiatus with some silly cat posting.