64

Yesterday evening, I wrote in FB (recall Islamic day begins at sunset - see here)

"When I'm 64 in Hijri calendar
  What I was made for, is to surrender
  Not the song others put asunder"

Yes, I've grown much older. No, I'm not a poet. Words often can't really describe what I feel inside, but only through words can I convey my feelings.

In many ways, I do reflect on whether I've done my duty in this world. I would like to consider myself as a scientist, probably an average one. Some may disagree, of course, and they are entitled to their opinions, but I will surely challenge them on some points. However for me, over are the days of arguing, particularly, if it is over in the social media. As one grows older, one values more the peace of mind. From my past experience, there will always be people that dislike you for no real reason. Usually I can read the body language of others, bosses, colleagues and even students. For most parts, I just walk away from them and pray that we will not cross path too much. I will try to keep myself busy, contributing in any way that I can, even in situations where I'm being disliked. Finally, I tend to seclude myself, so that I won't get in the way of others. Doing that, I miss however, a stimulating environment, discussing with others on one's work or on recent developments.

I consider most tend to conflate self-worth with ego (including the person who writes this), which is rather unfortunate. The unpleasant thing is when one finds the situation where one is trying to inflate his/her self-worth by degrading others, disguised under the banner of criticisms (whether it is true or not). This has been how most knowledge being developed throughout history, with a touch of arrogance. In a recent conference, I do feel my presentation was criticised indirectly by throwing terms like ad-hockery and appeal to authority. My reply to this, would be good luck in trying to escape from these, particularly for quantum theory. So seclusion to me, while not being a good solution, seems to be  'natural'.

Enough rambling. Today, we went to a wedding of my other half's nephew in KL. Some pics: