Worrying Matters, Sally & Upcoming Talk

Two days ago, I was feeling rather down. Early morning, got a message from a professor friend, querying whether I have retired or am I still working. I replied in the latter. He rarely contacted me since I've withdrawn myself from administrative duties and made me wonder on this correspondence. The virtual chat turned to something I have been avoiding and the reason I have avoided most people nowadays. He made the remark that my juniors in the institute have got their professorship (and I don't). I simply replied God has blessed them as such. The mood went downhill when later in the afternoon, I was told about the missing assets that was under my name particularly not accepting the evidence that had been submitted. To think that most of these assets were not even used by me (bought during I was the head of lab at ITMA), I felt so frustrated, though I'm not blaming anyone but the record and implementation systems may need improvement (as well as I am who needs  to be careful in these matters). I don't expect things to be fair in this world, but I do wish that they are not so troubling. Yesterday, I was told that some of these problems can be solved and this cheered me up but there are still a few lost assets to be justified. 

I do consider myself to be best working outside the system, working for personal satisfaction beyond the glitter of titles and (financial) rewards of the system. I do have a personal opinion that certain matters that are trending right now, may backfire in the long run. Many matters appear transactional these days and management matters tend to have less empathy, devoid of humanly considerations. As things become more transactional, people work according to what benefits one (or the deciding party) the most. Academics who tend to be less vocal, appear to have more and more duties heaped upon them, sometimes in the name of continuous improvement. The rigid system in the end will rob the academics of their freedom and the ensuing creativity. This is the reason I consider working beyond the existing system, perhaps working with less rewards and more genuine scientific self-development. Not the thing I personally wanted (and what I've gathered, plenty of academics felt this way) but mere reacting to current situation. One looks for inward spiritual satisfaction, hoping that our deeds are rewarded in the hereafter. I find the following video inspires me a little and shared it on FB. I rarely do this openly and publicly for spiritual/religious matters, usually limiting myself to my own family. Indeed I have started internal family learning circles using WhatsApp as my family members are in different locations.

Turning to something else. Yesterday as I arrived home, I received the message from my other half that Sally, a cat we used to have temporarily before the original owner wants her, died that morning due to cancer. The pic below was taken just before we returned her (see also this FB post).

These are pics of Sally with the owner before she died.

This pic is when she died.

A certain sadness came over me as I remembered when she first came to our home, she was very fearful and shy. She finally came around to be close to me and stayed in our room. The above picture reminds me of my eventual final destination.

Moving to another topic. At the end of last week, I received an invitation to give an online talk for an Indonesian where I used to be part of its editorial board. Earlier this week, the organizer gave me the confirmation and send me this pic.

Initially, the invitation was for Saturday, 19 November, but I replied back that is when we go out for voting in the elections. Finally, they changed it to Sunday. When I received the pics, I was worried about the Professor title, my affiliation and even the pic. I told them that officially I am only an Associate Professor and that they should add Department of Physics to my affiliation. For the pic, this pic was taken when I was representing UPM to UMK's convocation. The robe I'm wearing is usually meant for vice-chancellors (of course, which I am not). The pic is really there in my FB pic collection and not me trying to impersonate some other person. Since this fact is not known too well, I just left it be and need be I can justify it. Hope I have enough time to prepare for this talk and that our voting processes will be swift.